Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

[Doghouse1g1]

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

The boyfriend probably didn’t even think about it being your wedding day . But your friend could have been more tactful and said he proposed on another day to spare your feelings .

🙄 Do you feel better after saying that?

Talk about sticking the boot in. You're not even a bride. Such a cold and callous and unkind thing to say. Especially after what has happened to the OP. How cruel your post is.

As a few people have said, I wonder if all the posters on here being so cold and callous towards the OP are like this in real life? I bet many aren't. I bet a few are though, as I have encountered a few people like this in real life. Pride themselves on 'telling it like it' like it's some kind of strength or positive personality trait. (Hint: IT'S NOT!)

I take great pride in avoiding this type of person as much as possible, and making sure they are removed from my life.

What a callous, horrible thing to say to someone who has just had to cancel their wedding. Honestly you should deeply ashamed. Absolutely no class at all.

It's not your wedding day anymore though, in fact it was never your wedding day as there was no wedding, it's just a normal Saturday.

Get over it and be happy for her.

You need to apologise to her for putting a downer on her celebration.

Ok put yourself in OP's friends shoes. Your bf proposes to you what do you do?
What is the classy way to respond to your bf request of marriage and how would you then communicate the news to OP?

What a way to shit on your friends happy news and make it all about you!!

That sounds tough OP and she could have shown a bit more tact but it wasn't really your wedding day

People are being really mean, OP. I totally get why this has upset you. Just take some time to process it and hopefully you'll then be able to feel happy for her. If not, fake it for the sake of the friendship. It's not her fault, it's her boyfriend's. (I also think it's really weird him choosing to propose at the sight of a doomed wedding).

I echo others.

It wasn't the wedding they were expecting to be celebrating - it was a (probably quite expensive) holiday that they'd paid for and couldn't cancel. So basically, your bridesmaid who wasn't a bridesmaid got proposed to on a holiday that she wouldn't otherwise have gone on.

You're allowed to feel a bit miffed, but she and her intended have done nothing wrong.

I totally understand why you feel a bit weird about it op. You are happy for her, but at the same time just need to realign everything in your own head. Thats completely normal. She didn’t do anything wrong and neither did you.

She could have broken the news a bit more sensitively, but you did need to know. Sometimes these things are better done quickly, like ripping off a plaster. You were caught off guard and as you were on FaceTime there wasn’t a way of you discretely taking time to digest the news. If I were your friend I would completely understand and get in touch again when I got home to chat and give you a hug. You’ve been through a lot.

@Doghouse1g1 I'm sorry your fiance turned out to be a faithless loser - thank goodness you found out before you got married that he wasn't worthy of you.
I'm confused who you think is being insensitive - your friend who was to be a bridesmaid or her fiance who's now proposed? If she's a close enough friend that you chose her to be a bridesmaid, wouldn't it be odd if she didn't share her good news with you? How would you feel if your entire friendship circle knew, but she hadn't told you? She wasn't being insensitive - she was simply sharing news with you that she would have done in any other circumstance. She didn't make your former fiance a cheating liar and she shouldn't have to hide her happiness from you. You're her friend, be happy for her.

She could have broken the news to you on a different day tbh - even if he did propose on the actual day. She must appreciate you'd still be feeling raw about the end of your relationship.

Can you reframe it as you now can have a positive association with that date? As in forgetting it as "the day you didn't get married" and remembering it as a good day as "my friend got engaged".

Seriously you'd be so hacked off? I hope you don't have many friends, or a diary on which you write down all the sensitive dates for your friends (who mean very little to your boyfriend) so your boyfriend can avoid doing anything deemed insensitive or any one of those dates.

Equally I hope you are aware of all your boyriends friends and drinking buddies sensitive dates so you equally don't end up doing something to hack him off.

Did you enjoy that? Quite the dopamine hit, I imagine.

OP's friend told her yesterday (Sunday) according to her first post, not Saturday (the actual day of OP's cancelled wedding).

No she is not. I am sure in time Op would be able to celebrate it with her friend, but right now is not that time for her.

Its not friend’s fault she got engaged on that day but maybe friend didn’t have to tell her right away given, so close to what would have been OP’s wedding day.

In any case, all op has said she needs time to process it. If the best friend truly care, she would understand.

Even then it was just one day after ‘the wedding day’, op didn’t need to know right away.

She could have told her a bit later when they met in person.

I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

You get over yourself.

@Doghouse1g1 you cancelled your wedding FOUR months ago and dodged a bullet from what you wrote about prospective groom cheating. Others don't need to be on eggshells around your non wedding day.

It’s funny you ask because many years ago when Dh proposed I was in a similar situation. A very good friend of mine had had to cancel her wedding a few months prior under similar circumstances - her fiance being a complete arsehole that is. On what would have been her wedding day a group of us hired a lovely house and spent our time eating, drinking, relaxing and trying to take her mind off it. About 6 weeks after that my dh proposed.

I knew the subject of weddings was still very raw to my friend so before I announced it at all I messaged her privately saying that he had popped the question and I knew it might be a bit raw so I wanted to give her a heads up before I told anyone else. She was grateful and happy for me. I wouldn’t have called or FaceTimed her as that would have prompted an instant reaction.

Thankfully my dh wasn’t thoughtless enough to propose on what should have been my best friends wedding day, he managed to choose one of the other 364 days of the year. However if he had I certainly wouldn’t have told her it happened on that day. How utterly crass and insensitive some people are.

It’s not your wedding day now, it’s a holiday for them

i could understand you being upset if they did it at your wedding, but they didn’t

An then OP would have been the last to know and/or would likely have found out from SM. Would that have been any better?

I'm really suprised by how harsh some of these responses are given what the OP has been through.

If my best friend found out her partner was cheating on her and had to cancel her wedding I'd be so upset for her. I wouldn't wish that kind of hurt and betrayal on anyone, but for someone close to me I would be making a conscious effort to do anything I could to help them through it. I would ideally want to be with my BF on what would have been her wedding day, and if I couldn't be there in person then I'd definitely be calling her to check in because it's bound to be a really tough day for her. I simply cannot imagine calling my BF on what was supposed to be her wedding day to tell her I'd gotten engaged. I just wouldn't do that. I'd wait a few days at least to tell her, even if that meant putting off telling anyone. I would expect the man I was marrying to understand that.

OP your friends DF was obviously not unreasonable to propose to her, and she was of course not unreasonable to accept. But I think she was unreasonable, or at least thoughtless, to call you and tell you on that particular day. I get that she was excited, but she could have waited a few days to break the news to you.

Exactly. She hasn’t said anything other than she needs some time to process the news. It’s a very natural reaction. She just needs to reframe the day in her mind from something that was a very painful event in her life into a day of celebration for her friend. She will do it, but it will take a little time. When her friend gets back they can reconnect and have a celebratory glass or two together.