Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

[Doghouse1g1]

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

You’re not weird you’re human and still processing heartbreak.

I think it’s very insensitive but the best way forward is to be delighted for your friend and whatever bit of fun comes your way focus on it.

Life too short

I completely agree and can't understand the responses here. I am trying and failing to imagine any of my friends, let alone my best friend being this insensitive. In fact I know my best friend wouldn't have gone to Italy at all probably and would have ate it on the costs because she would have known how awful this particular day or weekend would have been for me. Talk about every woman for themselves.

Sorry you've been through a horrid time with your BF cheating, but over time you'll come to see it as a lucky escape. As for your friend being proposed to, probably her BF took the chance of a lovely holiday that was booked and paid for to propose. It's not your wedding day any more (I mean that kindly). I think you need to be pleased for her and move on in your thoughts from this.

Sounds like the proposing bf was planning to do that anyway, coz of the lovely location, and might even have done it on the actual wedding day if that had gone ahead.
Basically he's a prize plum - don't hold it against your friend.

There's a huge difference between someone proposing during a wedding which hasent happened ,and someone proposing in which is now essentially a holiday

I don't blame her in the slightest for not coming back to such vicious replies.

I can’t believe the insensitivity on this thread , it’s actually shocking !!!! You being one of them , telling OP to “get over herself “ & just being downright mean …
More posting “ if I had spent money like that to go away to wedding “
It was nice her friend got engaged while away ,but maybe let OP know the next day ..
What a shit thing to happen to anyone, what happened to OP , & the unkindness shown on here towards her disgusts me ….

theleafandnotthetree &Abracadabra12 , I actually can’t get over the appalling posts here …

I'm so sorry for what you've been through OP and the insensitivity/cruelty you've experienced from not just your friend but the majority of the posters on here. You have every right to feel upset. A good friend would have contacted you after the holiday and told you the news in a considerate way. To be completely honest, a good friend wouldn't have even gone on the holiday, there are always ways to reschedule flights. This might be a good opportunity to evaluate your friendships and to consider how much they serve you. Wishing you all the best for the future and healing 🌺

Hey OP 👋..
I’ve already posted on your thread to all the awful posts you got back , just wanted to say hi to you also ..
What happened to you is absolute shit , Yes , it was very insensitive of your bridesmaid/friend ..
Only call you should have gotten that day was to see how you were doing on such a tough day I’m sure 😔…
Her bf probably had this planned all along , ever before you cancelled wedding, she could have left you know following day or when she got back & not face time ! .. A low key text message would have been suffice ..

I hope you’re doing okay, if it had been me , ashamedly to say , I would have gone through with wedding, I know me, & gone onto have kids with a man who would never stop his cheating ways , a lousy husband & end up in a miserable marriage ..
You’ve saved yourself a lot of heartache ..
Wishing You the best OP x x

You are being utterly ridiculous. They are on holiday ... It isn't your wedding day ...

Can you at least accept that it SHOULD have been her wedding day, and that OP was probably sat at home crying all day while her loved ones were at the place that she should have been getting married on that very day?

I wonder about the state of people’s relationships who think that being cheated on and a relationship ending is something you get over in a few days. Maybe they’re all in arranged marriages, or interviewed their husbands like a business transaction or something. There seems to be little emotion attached to relationships on here.

Yes totally accept that. And I totally understand that the day is awful for op BUT the dynamic changed, Instead of going to a friend's wedding they were on holiday

So if your best friend was sat at home and you knew that she’d be feeling awful, you’d be happy to rub her nose in it by taking advantage of the unfortunate situation to get engaged yourself? When you could do it any other place at any other time?

If that had been my best friend I’d be sitting at home with her drying her tears, not jumping into her grave.

Can I add that we’re all debating the rights and wrongs while OP has never returned to the thread since the first post, so I’m guessing this situation is on the list of things that never happened?

I suspect that the friend was proposed to on their holiday and it wasn't a deliberate act to hurt or offend the other friend is hardly likely to say no because other friend might be upset.

Sp you would have sucked up the potentially significant, non-refundable cost of flights and accommodation, and possibly non-rearrangeable annual leave, and stayed at home, unasked, because it would have been your friend’s wedding day, had she not realised in time she was marrying a man who couldn’t keep it in his pants?

Maybe we should assume that as several of the wedding party opted to use their flights and accommodation, and the OP says she was fine with this, that she was fine with her friend not cancelling?

I understand your hurt at whats happened with your ex maybe your friend should of waited to tell you her news .
The boyfriend was the one who proposed on this trip so feeling this towards your friend is you processing your own hurt really.
Good you found out about your ex when you did.
Put that date behind you get back out there and live your life x

This is one of those MN threads where I feel like I’m living in an alternate reality. How can you claim to be someone’s friend and kick them when they’re down in such a way? It’s beyond insensitive. It’s like the worst thing you could possibly do on that day.

“Oh sorry you had to cancel your wedding because he cheated on you, but you know what I’m going to on what would have been your wedding day? That’s right. Get engaged. Better luck next time, loser.”

Just hope it's not a bad omen for her relationship.

Why would it be?

I am really sorry for what you have gone through.

Very gently though, think of it from her point of view. She sees you as her best friend and this is very significant news for her. She wanted to tell you, and better she speak with you soon after the event. Imagine how hurtful it could have felt if she had avoided telling you and you found out from someone else?

She couldn’t control her partner’s timing of the proposal. Maybe he was planning it anyway, before your wedding was cancelled and decided to press ahead anyway.

Because clearly for some people on the thread, people own days.

See also regular outraged threads on people daring to get married on a family member’s birthday, their child’s birthday, or their wedding anniversary, because they have no theory of mind, and don’t recognise that a significant date for them is just the 14th of June to other people.

To clarify, I don’t think the OP has done anything at all wrong. She congratulated her friend and said she needed time to process and hung up, which I think is the right blend of self-care and kindness to someone whose happiness she values. But neither has the friend done anything wrong, in accepting a proposal she probably didn’t know the timing of in advance, and in calling to let the OP know privately before the news got out. And unless the OP’s friend’s fiancé is also close to the OP, it’s unlikely he will have conceived of this day as inappropriate for a proposal.

of course it isn’t

I'm not surprised you're finding it hard to process, it's a very human reaction. However, it's not your friend's fault her fiancé proposed on that Saturday. Unfortunately, men don't think like we do. For them it's turned from a wedding celebrate to a nice holiday, which is a normal occasion for a proposal.

That said, he could have done it on the Friday or Sunday!

She did let her know the next day - and surely better than hearing second hand or seeing on SM