Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

[Doghouse1g1]

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

Losing a baby or not getting married really cannot be compared. I am sorry, but this comment is tactless in itself, especially to people who actually lost a baby.

The day you cancelled the wedding the date became just another date. You should try and be happy for your friend.

I'm surprised at all the insensitive replies.
This must be quite hard for you. You're still getting over what your expartner did, u had a life dreamt up and are possibly still grieving that even if u don't love him anymore. Sorry this has happened xx

I don’t think your friend could win really - she wasn’t the one doing the proposing, would you have wanted her to say no?

Wouldn’t it have been worse if she didn’t tell you and you found out through someone else?

Sorry it’s an upsetting time but at least you found out your fiancé was a loser before the wedding.

Agree with PP who said it’s better not to think of it as your wedding day, as it wasn’t - it was a lucky escape.

I don't believe for one second all these lol, it's not your wedding day, zero-empathy twats wouldn't be raging if this happened to them.

Would you have fathered she didn’t tell you and you found it out from someone else. I know it’s horrible and I don’t mean this at all to be mean but life still goes on. That day isn’t now your day forever and I’m sure they weren’t even thinking about you when it happened. It’s horrible what happened but it is what it is. Not fathered, fathered.. I wish you luck and I’m sure your life will be better without that’s man around you anymore.

He probably didn't even think about the significance of the date. Different if she had proposed to him on that date.

I agree.

Try to look at it differently op: she turned the day into something happy. Let that be a kind of exorcism of the bad vibes from your ex-fiancé. Your happy time will come.

She could have texted you a couple of days later, and mention the engagement without telling you when the actual proposal happened. It was insensitive of her. I wonder if this was done on purpose? Is she a good friend?

I cannot believe the responses on here.
It was insensitive on an industrial scale.
Fine....her boyfriend proposed to her but she should have hung fire and told you at a later date.
She didn't think about you at all on what should have been your wedding day.
Selfish cow.

I think they didn’t mean to hurt but forgot about the importance of the day for you. I’m sorry. I hope you found happiness after the sad situation.

You're being absolutely ridiculous.

And you are being awful - insensitive and adding to injury

This! You've had a tough time, and therefore super sensitive about the date, but there's no reason why her boyfriend shouldn't have made the most of the time away, and propose. Don't lose a good friend by being so wrapped up in yourself you can't be happy for her.

I think OP is mourning her own wedding day let's remember.

I can actually understand why you feel sad about this - and you are not wrong to feel sad. This was meant to be one of the most memorable days of your life.

It really was rather unfortunate, and quite honestly, for a best friend really insensitive of the boyfriend. Your friend really has done nothing wrong here.

I imagine you would have felt an emotional build up to this day, so it really wasn't the greatest of times to have news shared like this on what would be a sensitive day.

Let the time pass and the dust settle, and I'm sure you will feel differently in a few weeks time.

Your friend, I'm sure will also be a bit sad about you not being thrilled for her right away. But, if she is a true friend she will understand that you just need time to mourn the wedding that in your mind should have been.

Mr Right is out there somewhere for you, and I'm sure he will find you when the time is right.

I can understand you'd feel upset about your friend getting engaged on what should have been your wedding weekend in Italy. However, they have every right to get engaged whenever they want to.They paid for that holiday in Italy and they were in a beautiful setting. You should be happy for them. Your ex is the one at fault not two innocent people in love. You need to stop being selfish and so dramatic asking how are you going to get over it! Really? Move on with your life, be happy you found out that hubby to be was a rat before you married him and be happy for your friend and celebrate with her.

You’re still very upset because you’ve been through an awful time with your ex-fiancé, and I have complete empathy for how hard this must be for you.

She hasn’t done anything wrong, her fiancé was perhaps in the wrong slightly as that doesn’t really show a lot of awareness towards you, but I guess that wasn’t his priority.

Be sad, you’re allowed to be. But ultimately don’t lose friendships over it. You’ll be fine in a few months when you start to move into a better emotional place after your break up. X

So, OP has lost someone she loved and who she thought she would spend the rest of her life with - some people take years to get over that. On here, she's being called 'weird', 'selfish', told to get over herself to quote just a few. What an insensitive and dismissive bunch there is on here! Of course it isn't her friend's fault but any friend with an ounce would understand there's a need for sensitivity here.

These things take time OP, but you will get there. You've had a rotten experience. Ignore the nasties - many of them would feel no differently from you in the same situation.

I really hope this doesn't destroy another relationship for you 🙏

the blaming women 🤦‍♀️….
You lead with your “bridesmaid got engaged”. You should have said the “boyfriend of friend proposed on what would have been my wedding weekend” (he instigated this and used said weekend to save money and propose) to your friend.
Your friend is not your bridesmaid on a weekend it is no longer your wedding. Did you expect her to say no because of the weekend it was?
Worth asking yourself, do you blame the women for your ex cheating? If you do, you won’t look at the type of man you picked as a potential husband…..
im not sorry this happened to you, you had a lucky escape.
Be proactive go to therapy and figure out why you attract such a man so you have a chance for happiness in the future.
Repair friendship, you’re going to need it.

Your "unwedding"? Wow.

It’s natural enough to feel piqued op. It’s a bit like a friend getting pregnant when you’ve just had a miscarriage. It hurts to see someone having what you had been expecting but lost - even if you are pleased for them.

But what is natural enough to feel privately and what it’s ok to feel actively cross with her about are two different things.

It was really her bf who should have thought a bit harder. Once it happened, you’d have also felt annoyed if she hid it from you, so she didn’t have much choice.

Try to see it as turning that day into a happy one as part of putting the ex behind you and look forward to your own future.

I’m surprised at some of the responses on this as I also feel it’s insensitive, the proposer obviously hasn’t thought it through but your friend should have had more tact and waited til she got home maybe to tell you. It was supposed to be your day and you’ve had a bad time with your ex so to then go to your venue and announce a wedding is IMHO classless. Maybe you need to rethink the friendship. People are entitled to do what they want of course but if I was her I’d feel awkward about it. I wouldn’t have been happy with a proposal that was supposed to be on someone else's wedding day that went so wrong
x

Classic MN pile on. I'd probably be upset too as it will feel like a painful reminder of what you thought was going to happen. I'd not fall out with her over this. If I was in this scenario I'd be able to talk to my friends about my feelings and then we'd move on. Sorry you're going through a shit time OP x

One post by the OP and she’s long gone. 🤔

I’ve lost two much tried-for babies, but I’ll be honest, I got over the miscarriages much quicker than discovering my ex who I’d lived with for years. believed was perfect, was madly in love with, and made plans to spend my entire life with was a cheating lying scumbag who had been having an affair for four years of our relationship.

I developed PTSD from it. I understand it’s not the same for many, but my relationship breakdown affected me much, much worse.