Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

[Doghouse1g1]

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

Are you actually trying to be a dick?

Let’s hope it is. All she deserves.

Some horrible women on this site.

OP, I can guarantee you that what posters have written here is not the advice they'd give to their friends or sister.

I often find on mumsnet that the first reply sets the tone.

Well, the OP has had everything from ‘Give your head a wobble — you can’t expect other people not to go ahead with their own lives’ to ‘Your friend is an evil mutant, who deserves to have a miserable marriage for being proposed to on your cancelled wedding day’ and quite a lot of middle ground. So I’m not sure it’s a case of an evil Borg-style hive mind.

But it wasn't your wedding day...

You've got a LOT of complicated feelings, quite understandable, but you're directing your hurt, upset and anger at the wrong person.

The OP was asking how to move past being upset with her friend for getting engaged on what would be her wedding day.

"Get over it" is the only response to that kind of thing.

No-one is calling her weird for being upset at her Ex cheating, or being upset/hurt that her wedding didn't go ahead. She wasn't asking about how to get past that.

This is specifically about moving past her friend getting engaged.

The friend did nothing wrong. She probably feels awkward about the timing but did the right thing to tell op before she heard elsewhere.

The boyfriend is either a bit self-absorbed or obtuse. If I were the friend I’d actually be a bit miffed he piggy-backed on a trip for a different purpose instead of organising something just for me. I think he’s the one at fault here.

@Missj25 I'm sorry about what happened to her but the question was how to react to her friend getting engaged. Yes she is going to have lots of feelings - but her reaction for her friend has to happiness! Saying 'get over it' isn't about 'get over yourself for you lying cheating boyfriend being found out and saving you years of hurt while you understandably worry about what your life is going to change into now' - but get over the fact that your friend got engaged on a day you hoped would be special for you. Be really happy for her.

@WhyFiddleDeDee what was your advice

I called a Wedding off because my fiance had cheated. I moved back to my hometown, started a new job and became close friends who invited me to her wedding. Which was on my cancelled wedding day, at the same church, at the time slot we'd originally wanted but was already booked! I went along, had a little sob on her shoulder at one point, but otherwise I just gritted my teeth and made the most of enjoying myself. Sorry Miss Havisham but you can't blame her!

I think people are lacking compassion here. What a horrible thing to happen to you. I’m so sorry to hear this. I think it is a bit insensitive and odd of the boyfriend to propose on the weekend abroad which had been meant to be your wedding day. Perhaps reframe it as a bit odd and a bit of a recycled wedding proposal. But then I guess, try to be happy for her. After all she didn’t pick that time to be proposed to. Hope you’re doing ok.

We all know 'Get over 'it' or 'yourself' is a dismissive and insensitive comment. And imagine calling someone weird in this situation 😳
Does trying to justify what OP was asking, help? - what you wrote reads with a tone which adds insult to injury.

I think being ‘spectacularly’ happy for the friend is a bit much to ask, given the circumstance 🤦🏻‍♀️

Personally, I feel you could have worded things a lot kinder ….

@Doghouse1g1 I'm assuming the verdict results have helped you move past this. Good luck!

But what if the friend had already consoled her after the breakup? At the end of the day, the trip is already booked especially if it was paid for out of pocket. Why wouldn’t they still go? To me, it seems a bit unreasonable not to. I’d definitely encourage them to go and enjoy it, even if I didn’t go myself, though, honestly, I probably would’ve shown up either way.

This is thread isn’t about whether everyone should have gone or not !!!

Why would it be a ‘a bit odd and a recycled wedding proposal’?

I provided my opinion. No one is wrong here, therefore that’s the answer. If you paid for a trip, it’s at your discretion to go or not. And I personally wouldn’t tell anyone to cancel, considering most times you don’t get the money back

😂 😂
You still don’t know what this thread is about pp !!!

You are right! What’s it about then?

Basically bride cancelled her wedding 4 months ago , found out fiancé cheating, bridesmaids & others went , it was in Italy & Accomodation & flights paid , etc , etc ..
Bride didn’t mind them going at all obviously, but bridesmaid got engaged there on day her friend, ( bride) was due to get married, & she FaceTimed her with the news , brides feelings were hurt ( I’d be the same ) & felt it wasn’t a nice thing to do telling her on day that was supposed to be her wedding day …
I agree , she could have waited to tell her , only call her friend should have gotten that day was to see how she was doing & not announcing an engagement ….

My previous response was quoting someone else response but doesn’t seem to appear correctly.

My first comment reacted to the original post, which I find to be unreasonable. Personally I think these things can happen, and unfortunately we can’t always choose the outcome. Since she asked how to get over it, I believe it’s just that unfortunately life goes on.

People are against the friend, but realistically we don’t necessarily know how supportive the friend was throughout the following months. Some people might attach meanings to dates, some people don’t. Hence why I say there’s no right or wrong.

I understand what you are saying, but surely , say if it was you or me , & it was our suppose to be wedding day, & on that day , our friend/ bridesmaid is in Italy , bear in mind , there , because it’s supposed to be our wedding, & they FaceTime us to tell us of their engagement, it would sting pp , no matter how supportive they were of us the 4 months prior ..

That’s actually what I meant in my previous comment. I personally wouldn’t mind, I can’t control someone’s boyfriend proposing. If I was healed enough, I’d probably have taken the trip with my friends and try to enjoy myself anyway. Even if it feels sad in the moment, I think I’d be able to find something good in the situation.

Of course, people will have different opinions, and it all depends on how someone reacts to these things. I’ve never been the type to get angry over things like this, but maybe it would feel like crossing a line if it were an actual wedding.

I know four months might seem like a long time from the outside, but when you're the one going through it, it can feel short. Unfortunately, some people do think you will move on faster than you actually do. They might give the support you need, and they might assume you're doing better than you really are.

Dates and anniversaries matter a lot to some people, while others don’t put the same weight on them. That’s why I said there’s no real right or wrong here it all comes down to perspective.