Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

[Doghouse1g1]

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

Move past what exactly, you don’t say what? It will be just another day for you anytime soon I really hope so that you move past the pain.

Instead see it as a great day - your great escape from a nightmare and the day your BF got engaged!

Wish you the best OP

I agree, but then real life is a really shitty place too!

She's not your bridesmaid if the wedding is off (plus she's a person in her own right anyway), and she got engaged on a weekend away. It also wasn't your wedding day.

Blunt sorry. You can be upset obviously but she didn't do anything wrong imo.

I do get how you feel op but your friend wouldn’t have known she was getting proposed to.

id also think the bf wouldn’t think about the date.

you’re totally within your right to find it weird but nothing to do with friend or bf.

Ouch! The replies are shocking. To cancel a wedding is shit, you’re going to feel such strong emotions on that day, I’m surprised they didn’t think about that. I don’t understand why they couldn’t have done it the day before or the day after out of courtesy. You’re right to feel hurt

Everybody is blithely saying get over it, you're being weird, but they have never been in this situation. I think it is totally natural to find that whole weekend upsetting, your friends off enjoying a holiday when it should have been your wedding, then a proposal. Yes I'd struggle with it. Put in black and white that might make me sound a bit of a tit, but you're only human. I don't think your bridesmaid is in the wrong at all, but I think it's bloody insensitive of her fiance. He should find a mountain somewhere when he got home. There must be alternatives, because if you had had your wedding he wouldn't have proposed that weekend. YANBU at all it's raw, it hurts, completely understandable, I really feel for you.

It was a bloke that proposed to her, presumably, so I'm guessing it wasn't her decision to be "insensitive". As to whether she should have said to him in the throes of the big moment, "Ooh, do you think we should, given the circumstances?", I'd hope you'd realise that could have actually changed the entire course of her life.

There is nothing to process - you dodged a bullet and you can be pleased for your friend. It will help if you stop referring to her as a "bridesmaid" - the wedding didn't happen, so she's reverted to being your good friend.

If you wonder at the tone of some of these posts, you have to realise that a great many people find dragging everyone overseas for your "big day" is extremely vulgar, not to mention selfish. You should actually be utterly delighted and relieved that all that money lavished on your behalf was put to good purpose.

It is not your wedding day.

Some very harsh comments on here. You were bound to be feeling a bit raw on that day, and it was insensitive of your intended bridesmaid to rub salt into the wound. There were better ways of sharing her news, given the circumstances.

Wow, I'm really sorry to read the responses here, nearly all of which are just plain mean and ignore the fact that you've suffered a massive loss and betrayal, which is awful to go through. 'Forget your loser ex and be happy for your friend' was one of the kinder responses.
Take some time to heal from this hard time and focus on looking after yourself. Be kind to your friend, and perhaps just explain (if you really need to?) that you're trying to recover from a shock, and the loss of what you thought was the start of a lovely chapter. You'll be back on your feet in no time xx

Hmmm… am I the only one who thought it might sting a bit for YOUR best friend to get engaged at YOUR wedding destination on YOUR planned wedding day errrrr no yanbu!!!
No girl girls here I see 😄
If that had happened on your actual wedding then it’d be cringy AF

This @Doghouse1g1

I know people say it wasn't your wedding day but it would have been. I imagine you are still grieving what you thought would have been and devastated from the betrayal.

I'm not sure what reaction your bridesmaid expected really.

You look after yourself 🌺

So pleased this is an online forum and NOT real life cuz y’all TRASH

They were at the wedding destination because they presumably were trying to recoup some of the money they'd spend for a wedding that didn't happen, through no fault of theirs or OP. They've done nothing wrong. As if the friend was going to say, 'actually can you ask me tomorrow,?'

I understand is hard for you right now but you have to realise other people are living their own lives and the world cant stop just because of what happened to you. Try to look at it from a different perspective, you have dodged a bullet and it might not make sense to you know but when you meet the right person you will understand.

This, just wanted to say how sorry I am you had to cancel your wedding for such horrible reasons. It must have been a tough weekend for you already. I hope you can move on in time.
Erhaps she was just so excited and wanted to share her lovely news with her bestie. X

It was not her wedding day. She did not get married. She does not own the day. I am sure she has had sympathy from this friend at the time and for a long time afterwards. the OP needs to move on and be pleased for her friend - not drag out this non wedding for even longer.

Wow, OP hasn’t been back and I’m not surprise. You know it’s possible to tell somebody they’re being unreasonable without being nasty about it, right?

Four months is no time at all and imagine how you would feel that happened to you? I’m sure I would be thinking all day “I would be walking up the aisle right now,” “the best man would be making a speech right now” and so on. Horrible and it must still feel very raw even if you know you had a lucky escape.

If it had happened to one of my best friends I would be trying to suggest thinfs we could do together to take her mind off it .

Having said that I don’t think the friend did anything really wrong but if she’s a good friend she’ll understand why OP was upset. Hopefully it won’t affect their friendship in the long run.

I’ve only read the first page of replies but people are being total dicks.

I had to cancel my wedding at short notice after a truly awful breakup and it was honestly one of the most traumatic things I’ve been through (and before I get accused of being pathetic or a snowflake, I’ve been through plenty!) On the actual date itself I was like a zombie, and a friend got married on what should have been our first anniversary and I wasn’t able to attend (mostly because he was also there with the person he’d cheated with).

I stopped watching Eastenders because there was a wedding storyline (never went back, did me another favour!!) and couldn’t bring myself to even look at my dress for a good 6 months.

It’s years and years later now. I’m very happily married to someone else with a lovely family but I still do remember every time the date rolls around, not to cry about it or anything, its more ‘phew, dodged a bullet there’ but I can’t pretend I don’t also remember the hurt it caused a lot of people, not just me.

People being all like ‘whatever, it’s just another day, you can’t claim it’ are being deliberately arsey because that’s what AIBU is for, and they’re showing a complete lack of empathy. Or fucking ‘move past what exactly?’ - seriously?! I also think on mumsnet youre not supposed to care about or want your own wedding at all, if you’d have been planning to get married in a puddle with only the local tramp for a witness you might have gotten more sympathy, but you were also planning to commit the cardinal sin of having a destination wedding so that’s probably another reason people want to stick the boot in.

My best friends were incredible, and they absolutely understood how painful the whole thing was for me. I do think your bridesmaid has been very insensitive - not to get engaged of course but to tell you about it whilst still away. I think it could have waited for a face to face conversation at least.

I went away for another ‘wedding that didn’t happen’ a few years back. Both bride and groom were happy for people to go as we’d paid for travel, accommodation etc. However there was a general unspoken agreement that we never discussed it with them afterwards, didn’t put our pics on social media etc.

The date should be remembered as a lucky escape for you not a woe is me date.

Be happy for your BF at least the date has some joy about it now.

You have been treated abysmally by your ex. That's on him not you. Take all the time you need to realise he didn't ever deserve you or your love. Then start living your best life x

Can't believe people are giving you such a hard time. It would be unreasonable to have a go at her or hold a long term grudge but being upset in the moment it's a normal and valid feeling. Obviously you must still be processing a lot of feelings about your wedding being cancelled and the day itself was surely bound to be emotional as it is. All the people saying 'but it wasn't actually your wedding' are missing the point, I think in a way it probably would've been better if it was. I think maybe it was somewhat insensitive for her to tell you the way she did, but maybe she wanted to make sure you found out from her not from anyone else. It must feel pretty rubbish, give yourself a little bit of time to feel sad and acknowledge your feelings but remember that it wasn't with the intention to hurt you, her fiance probably didn't remember the significance of the date or got caught up in the moment and don't let it affect your friendship. If she's a good friend you'll be able to have an open conversation about it if you really need to and then focus on yourself and moving forward

There was no wedding so why should she wait

Completely agree with this post. I hate is wrong with everyone - doesn’t anyone have any empathy anymore? Of course it’s not her wedding day but isn’t a bit of sensitivity due. God help us.

Thank goodness you found out about your ex before you married him. It's a lucky escape. I'm afraid the best thing you can do is grit your teeth, smile and wish your friend all the best. It's just a cr@@ situation for you but it's not like she's done anything wrong. People are just getting on with their lives as you will be doing soon once the hurt subsides. You will get over this and you will be so relieved that you didn't commit to a life with that awful man! Wishing you all the very best and sending you love xx