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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

632 replies

Doghouse1g1 · 23/06/2025 11:40

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

OP posts:
Windows98 · 24/06/2025 19:11

m00rfarm · 24/06/2025 18:58

It was not her wedding day. She did not get married. She does not own the day. I am sure she has had sympathy from this friend at the time and for a long time afterwards. the OP needs to move on and be pleased for her friend - not drag out this non wedding for even longer.

Show quote history

It was her planned wedding day though: and they were all at that destination because her wedding was going to be there. On the exact day her wedding was supposed to be.
Are you the girl that got engaged cuz I can’t imagine a reality where anyone would think that was okay??

Kakuruson · 24/06/2025 19:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Windows98 · 24/06/2025 19:15

whitewineandsun · 24/06/2025 18:54

They were at the wedding destination because they presumably were trying to recoup some of the money they'd spend for a wedding that didn't happen, through no fault of theirs or OP. They've done nothing wrong. As if the friend was going to say, 'actually can you ask me tomorrow,?'

Show quote history

If you were invited to a destination wedding that didn’t go ahead then absolutely you would still go if you were to forfeit a financial loss but surely everyone who was there for the wedding that didn’t go ahead would be aware of the dates?

Windows98 · 24/06/2025 19:20

BonneMaman77 · 24/06/2025 18:31

Move past what exactly, you don’t say what? It will be just another day for you anytime soon I really hope so that you move past the pain.

Instead see it as a great day - your great escape from a nightmare and the day your BF got engaged!

Wish you the best OP

“move past what exactly?”

I just can’t with these comments 😅

And you’re named after a preserve brand… sums it up.

NewtonsCradle · 24/06/2025 19:21

I am sorry OP, what you went through was awful and then your "friend" rubbed your nose in it. Ignore the hate from the trolls on here, understand anyone in your situation would be in pieces and ditch your "friend" permanently. You will find better friends and a better man to marry 💗

CommonAsMucklowe · 24/06/2025 19:22

It wasn't your wedding day though. Just your best friend on holiday and her bf proposed. You are definitely being over sensitive.

Theresabookinme · 24/06/2025 19:23

Bloody hell! Very surprised with these posts.

on the one hand I can see why the bridesmaid is entitled to live her life, get engaged whenever she wants, but no wonder it was upsetting for you!

its very insensitive to call up a friend on what should have been her wedding day to say you got engaged.
the fact she was a bridesmaid and was at your wedding venue is 100x worse- it’s just weird.

Windows98 · 24/06/2025 19:25

CommonAsMucklowe · 24/06/2025 19:22

It wasn't your wedding day though. Just your best friend on holiday and her bf proposed. You are definitely being over sensitive.

They were there because it was supposed to be her wedding day.
Her best friends wedding day.

whitewineandsun · 24/06/2025 19:26

Windows98 · 24/06/2025 19:15

If you were invited to a destination wedding that didn’t go ahead then absolutely you would still go if you were to forfeit a financial loss but surely everyone who was there for the wedding that didn’t go ahead would be aware of the dates?

Show quote history

Sure. I still don't think they did anything wrong. If it's enough for OP to pull away from the friendship, that's her choice.

HardyCrow · 24/06/2025 19:26

itsanothernamechangeone · 23/06/2025 11:50

I think she should have waited a day to FaceTime you. You didn’t need to know on Saturday.

but overall you are unreasonable. She can’t help getting proposed to in a beautiful place.

Agree

LizzyMcdonald56 · 24/06/2025 19:29

Theresabookinme · 24/06/2025 19:23

Bloody hell! Very surprised with these posts.

on the one hand I can see why the bridesmaid is entitled to live her life, get engaged whenever she wants, but no wonder it was upsetting for you!

its very insensitive to call up a friend on what should have been her wedding day to say you got engaged.
the fact she was a bridesmaid and was at your wedding venue is 100x worse- it’s just weird.

Where did it say at her wedding venue!? That's how these threads get even more derailed! The op said one the BEACH in Italy. So just to check all of Italy is off limits for her friends to get engaged on because she almost got married there or just the beach?

Windows98 · 24/06/2025 19:31

whitewineandsun · 24/06/2025 19:26

Sure. I still don't think they did anything wrong. If it's enough for OP to pull away from the friendship, that's her choice.

Show quote history

It isn’t a friendship if your wedding party/best friend does that on your planned wedding day.

It wasnt a local pub. It was a destination wedding.

They are there because they paid to be there but they wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for her wedding being planned there.

It’s a total dick move and I wouldn't want friends like this.

nocoolnamesleft · 24/06/2025 19:32

But it wasn't your wedding day. It was an expensive holiday to a place they would never have chosen if they didn't want to support you, and which they were now making the best of.

Theresabookinme · 24/06/2025 19:34

LizzyMcdonald56 · 24/06/2025 19:29

Where did it say at her wedding venue!? That's how these threads get even more derailed! The op said one the BEACH in Italy. So just to check all of Italy is off limits for her friends to get engaged on because she almost got married there or just the beach?

Show quote history

ok not venue but wedding destination ffs! You saying that’s not going to sting a bit?

the bf didn’t need to propose at the altar for it be hurtful.

beachcitygirl · 24/06/2025 19:37

Theresabookinme · 24/06/2025 19:23

Bloody hell! Very surprised with these posts.

on the one hand I can see why the bridesmaid is entitled to live her life, get engaged whenever she wants, but no wonder it was upsetting for you!

its very insensitive to call up a friend on what should have been her wedding day to say you got engaged.
the fact she was a bridesmaid and was at your wedding venue is 100x worse- it’s just weird.

This.

holysmokee · 24/06/2025 19:37

I can’t imagine your pain so first of all I’m so sorry that happened, it’s beyond awful he did that.

I would also feel hurt by her news, you’re not weird for that, but as hard as it would be I’d try and hide it for her sake. It was insensitive as fuck not to consider the reason she was in Italy was because your wedding was supposed to be happening but, unless she’s a really awful friend, it probably wasn’t intended to hurt you and she was just happy and wanted to share the milestone with a close friend.

SpookyMcTaggart · 24/06/2025 19:40

Haven't read this very long thread, but YANBU. Your friend was insensitive - she knew that day should have been your wedding day, yet she goes ahead and tells you about getting engaged on that same day, in the same holiday location where you would have been.

Why couldn't she have told you a white lie - that she got engaged a few days before or after? Or just left it vague? Either she is (maybe unconsciously) rubbing your nose in it, or more likely she is just too self-absorbed to realise the effect it could have.

I wouldn't blame her fiance too much though - he was probably just caught up the moment and not thinking about the date.

I hope you find happiness in the future!

surreygirl1987 · 24/06/2025 19:42

GCAcademic · 23/06/2025 11:47

You shouldn't have posted in AIBU, OP. The default here is to tell you you must be wrong, weird, oversensitive, etc.

IRL, anyone with an ounce of class and empathy would demonstrate more tact and sensitivity than the bridesmaid has.

Edited

Erm... in what way? She's not the one who proposed! We don't know exactly how she broke the news. What was she supposed to do, say no?

Iceboy80 · 24/06/2025 19:43

Life's got to stop for everyone else because your wedding didn't work out, yeah sounds rational!

BatchCookBabe · 24/06/2025 19:53

I see the not so kind responses are starting to come back...... 🙄

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/06/2025 19:55

You are being weird

it was meant to be your wedding day

her bf asked her

not her him

so not her fault over the date

saying that I get the date must be hard and I’m sorry your fiancé cheated but wll done for being strong and cancelling wedding and not marrying him 💐

peonygirl · 24/06/2025 19:56

Sorry but I am really confused - the guy goes down on one knee and proposes, and she should say what? sorry, it was supposed to be my BF's wedding today, can you ask me again tomorrow? Would that be more tact? And to whom? How would the guy react? Definitely not much tact shown to him is it? Do we know he was invited to this wedding? Maybe to him this is just a normal day? And who are we defending here - the girl who broke up her wedding 4 months ago? Maybe this BF was there for her all this time, maybe she was really supportive and deserves some credit? Maybe she just wanted to have some holidays and this was a pleasant surprise? So she wants to share her happy moment with ..you know, BF. Whom she planned a wedding for and was happy for her. And she is now the bad guy? (questions are intentional, before you loose you marbles over them).

BatchCookBabe · 24/06/2025 19:58

🙄

Glitchymn1 · 24/06/2025 19:58

I can see why you are upset, your boyfriend ruined your wedding day with his behaviour and your mates have gone on holiday and had a time of it AND Cherry on the cake one had gotten engaged. You’ve every right to wallow, it’s utterly shit!

However, (sadly) it’s not your day, you can’t claim it and although it’s a bit insensitive of them, there’s not a lot you can do. It’s your exes fault. All of it- what a scum bag!

I hope you can put it behind you, in time you will and of course congratulate your friend.

BugEyedBear · 24/06/2025 19:59

I can understand why you're upset because the date and location would have been very significant for you. I think you need to grieve the loss but you can't expect everyone to put their own lives on hold while you are grieving the loss.

Also, setting aside the time and location, if your BF got engaged and she didn't tell you straight away, wouldn't you be upset?