Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

[Doghouse1g1]

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

I know. This is one of those threads that makes me want to come off mumsnet, it is full of horrible, nasty keyboard warriers. OP probably won't see the kinder comments and I don't blame her.

This. I think you’re wallowing in the great big sea of « You ». My dad died on 3rd of June… I hope nobody else has the audacity to die or get cremated on the same day. Get over yourself and congratulate yourself that you didn’t marry a complete knob.

Grow up you don’t own the date she paid for the trip & you knew she was going so why can’t she get engaged be happy for her & stop feeling sorry for yourself it’s not her fault your ex was a womanising whelp!

Its life, and i always really dont understand why your not happy for your pal, you,ve had a lucky escape from a deadbeat guy, your day will come x

You don’t own the day. He took advantage of a trip to Italy. So what. And you tried to make her feel bad for it. Must not be a very good friend.

How is he being insensitive??? He proposed on a beautiful holiday in Italy and the friend is delighted. Noone owns dates - it was no longer the OP's wedding day!

You have every right to feel jealous. Don’t blame you

but it’s not her fault. Try to move on.

men are dicks

I think you’re being unreasonable. I would guess they’ve paid to go there, so why wouldn’t they treat it as a normal vacation? I think they didn’t do any wrong, plus it’s not your wedding anymore.

You’re being completely unreasonable and I think it’s pretty shitty of you to say that. Sorry

I think it is insensitive & weird! There’s clearly no tact on the bridesmaids part & I’m surprised so many are saying the OP is BU. I actually think it’s typical MNetters pretending they’re better than the OP & would be totally impervious to feeling anything if it was in fact them in this situation. Yes it was the Boyf of the BM that was insensitive but also the BM could have been conscious of that and broken the news to OP with some empathy.

Unless it was your ex who asked her I don't get it, sorry.

This thread is insane.

OP your friend doesn’t sound like much of a friend. I’m sorry about your fiancé and wedding

xxxx

The lack of empathy here is absolutely astounding to me. I don't believe for one minute OP is thinking her friend shouldn't have got engaged or that she is not happy for her. Neither do I believe that OP is claiming this weekend belongs to her. However, c'mon now, she was supposed to be getting married and have one of the happiest days of her life, of course that is extremely painful and her friend then getting engaged on that day is only going to rub salt in the wounds, whether intentional or not. That particular weekend would have undoubtedly been extremely hard for OP and if I was her friend, I would've been calling to check in on her, not announcing my own engagement. Not saying she shouldn't have got engaged, but she could at the very least waited a bit to tell OP.

It's not her fault your ex cheated on you, and her boyfriend can propose on whatever day he likes. As the poll says, YABU.
Put it behind you and be glad you did not marry this man.

I get it! It was such an emotional day for you, you probably were imagining how it could’ve been all throughout the day. But her boyfriend just wanted to take advantage of the beautiful setting to make it special for your friend. I’d explain to friend that you’re so happy for her, but that it was just a very tough day for you.

I'm really truly shocked by some of these responses, the world really is full of nasty spirited people. OP I don't think you're being selfish at all, you have every right to feel sad about it and any of these people would feel differently if it were them in this position. 4 months is nothing to get over someone you were meant to be marrying. Yanbu to feel sad about it and I think if your bridesmaid is a true friend she'll understand that! Hope you feel better soon and can move on with your life!

But it's not your wedding day, you did not get married.
The boyfriend proposed to her, how is she to blame for any of it? The boyfriend likely didn't do it on purpose. They're on holiday, not at your wedding, so he probably didn't even think.
Your best friend was just excited when she called.

God MN is a really shitty place.
op ignore the harsh comments. You are allowed to be upset because it’s very insensitive and really for the context of them being in Italy when you were meant to be getting married I think they should have been more aware.
it’s hurtful.

I think had this happened me in my 20s, I'd have been hurt, but now in my 30s I'd be happy that the date and locstion had become something to celebrate rather than something to mourn.

Try to remind yourself:
This is a very happy time for her.
The date now has a positive memory for you.
It's not her fault, she didn't propose.

This!!!

i really hope the ppl commenting are not this crap In real life

Gosh, what is wrong with many of these responses! Your bridesmaid got engaged at your wedding destination on what would have been your wedding day and then called you to let you know! It's not her fault that her BF proposed. However it is highly tactless and unbelievably insensitive for her to tell you. All your friends, but esp your bridesmaids, should have had you in the forefront of their minds on your 'wedding day'. Personally i would be extremely hurt and I'm not sure that i would just get over it.

I think your friend should have been ringing you on Saturday to see how you were doing. It's totally understandable that you'd have a lot of emotions. It's lovely that sh got engaged but he really could have done it a different day. Just think it's not her fault..just another idiot man. Congratulate her and apologize for being an arse and hopefully if shes a good friend you can talk it all through and be sad and happy at the same time.

It's awkward, but long term the date of someone else's engagement doesn't tend to have much effect on other people.

Long term the date will lose significance to you as life moves on and other events become more important to you.

It's a sore point now, but don't let it be a long term issue between you.

Who are you blaming for being insensitive? Your friend for telling you? Your friend for saying yes? Her fiancé for proposing that day? You are still hurting from having to cancel your wedding but well done for having the courage. Pull yourself together again and be happy for your friend, be glad that they have managed to make something good out of a sad time.

Your ex is just a cheating loser. Last Saturday is just the day when your friend got engaged. That beach in Italy is just a nice spot for a photo.

I don't think anyone is insensitive. They paid lots of money to go. Good for them that they didn't waste it. Boyfriend must have planned this for a while, probably not on the wedding day. But now they were in a beautiful place, they enjoyed, there was no wedding and the bride was not there to feel offended that the attention was stolen from her. For him was a moment in time one of the biggest one and he felt this is the time. They just want to be happy. So why not? Life is too short.