Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

[Doghouse1g1]

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

Absolutely this

With a friend like you who needs an enemy!!

sorry about what happened op maybe she wanted you to know before you read in online

she cant be blamed on what day it happened as she wouldnt have known he was going to propose

Sorry but it wasn’t your wedding day, that’s so misleading in your title.
Her boyfriend could be seen as a bit insensitive but they’ve paid lots for their holiday to a beautiful place, really why shouldn’t he propose?

Im sure you’re still really hurt and shocked by your ex’s behaviour and I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, but life does go on and you have to accept that your cancelled non existent wedding won’t be at the front of everyone’s minds.

Life goes on. We all have things that hurt us but it shouldn't be that we piss all over someone else's parade because life didn't turn out that way for us.

I've not been able to conceive. Tried for a long time and yes it absolutely hurts. But do I tell people when they announce their pregnancy news not to tell me because I cannot? Do I lash out at family members for their beautiful news because my life didn't turn out the way I wished?
There is having empathy for people and then there are people who make everything about themselves and I do not have the time for it.

She's outrageously out of order. Her friend is allowed to have happy news too!

My brother committed suicide on a certain date, shall I tell my friend not to have her birthday on that day because it's hard for me each year? No I bloody wouldn't.

Because empathy goes beyond just feeling sorry for yourself and expecting the world to stop because it does not. It goes on with or without you. Your grief is yours and people won't understand it. Only you can feel that way but to expect everyone else to walk on egg shells is tediously ridiculous.

Say congratulations

You must feel so smug to be so angelic. 🙄

Better than being rude and nasty like some posters have been.

It’s sad that you feel not sticking the boot into someone who already feels shit makes you smug and angelic. What low standards you must have.

She was a bit dopey to FaceTime you to tell you. That is pretty insensitive. But she may have been doing that to warn you ahead of it appearing on socials.

I think I’d have distanced myself from people using their flights to my cancelled wedding as a holiday anyway. Not because they’ve done anything wrong, they haven’t, I just wouldn’t want to be reminded of my cancelled wedding due to a serial cheat of a fiance. So I can understand you feeling a bit wibbly when your friend and bridesmaid phones you to tell you she got engaged during that weird trip.

I’m with you @housebound34. I’m not sure why people are being so unkind to a woman who had to cancel her wedding due to a cheating fiance. Of course this would sting. 🫤

And as if you wouldn’t remember why you were randomly in Italy. (See if you can get a neuro referral if you’d genuinely not be able to remember).

AIBU seems to be populated by inadequate people trying to feel better about themselves and their small lives by being dicks to other people. Happy people don’t do that.

Agree but also probably told ‘but don’t call her on the day as she might be feeling a bit raw, sure she’ll be pleased for you later though.’

it’s a bit like if the reverse was ‘my friend‘s wedding was cancelled but we all still went on the trip as we booked anyway, although she’s staying at home, she was fine with this. I got engaged on what would’ve been her wedding date and called her excitedly, AIBU?’ People will probably say, not to go on holiday or getting engaged, but perhaps expecting her to celebrate with you on that specific day.

I think your BM sounds like she wasn't very tactful, although was she wanting to give you the heads up before it became common knowledge? She can't really control what her boyfriend does.

I had a cancelled wedding. It was awful and I don't think your feelings are unreasonable. I sat at home and cried on what should have been my wedding day. I'd feel the same.

Could you think about it as "at least something good has come from the weekend"? I assume you love her if she's close enough to be at BM.

I hope your friends called you on the day to tell you they were thinking about you, too? Vs just the one call announcing the engagement?

How do you get over this?

Thank your lucky stars that you dumped your cheating loser and that your wedding day never happened.

Wish your friend a happy life with her fiance. Call her back and tell her you were feeling sorry for yourself when she called with her great news and that you're sorry you didn't come across as happy for her.

Try to remember that not everything is about you.

Be a friend to this newly engaged pal of yours and move on with your life. She will be planning her wedding over the next year, and younwill probably be involved in some way. Try to be happy for her.

Well it wasn't your wedding day. Your bridesmaid/best friend could have waited to tell you she was engaged and she didn't need to tell you the exact day her bf proposed.

Sorry OP, I really feel for you and it must be so upsetting to find that out.
However, a lot of people paid out for that trip. If someone got engaged, then it wasn't a wasted trip for them. Maybe it wasn't planned that way but saw an opportunity. I know it may seem hard to see the bright side right now but you will. Don't let it eat you up.

Well it wasn't your wedding day.

Well yes, that’s why she’s upset, as it was supposed to be.

See it is possible to disagree with the op without being horrible about it.

This.

And a lot more tact than almost all posters.

bloody hell, some women are just rude, thoughtless, insensitive muppets.

Op, I feel for you. I can see why you are so upset.

She was really thoughtless and insensitive. She could easily have waited until she was home to tell you. Or she could have acknowledged that her news would be bound to hurt you. Sounds like she did neither of those things.

💐

You have had to make a really hard decision - to cancel your wedding. How are you coping?

This. Sorry your ex is an arsehole.

I think the BF really did have to tell her quite sharpish as other people in the group might have shared photos and the news on social media - that would have been a much worse way for OP to find out! And of course the BM and her new Dfiance would want to share their happy news too! So telling OP asap was sensible.

I would expect the bf wasn't thinking about what had been planned on that day and was just sh*tting himself over proposing. This is not intended as a slight against you, although I can understand your mixed reaction.

@Doghouse1g1 her fiancé probably wasn’t thinking about the date and if she’d just shared the news when they got back you probably wouldn’t have thought much about the timing. But she was probably worried you’d see loads of social
media posts congratulating her and didn’t want you to get a shock hence calling to warn you. However, if it was just sharing the news then it was a bit insensitive. Either way, if you can, I would send her a message saying sorry for ending the call and saying while it’s wonderful news, it came as a bit of a shock as of course you’re at home full of regrets about what the day should have been for you. You can talk about it when she returns. Hope you’re doing ok.