Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

[Doghouse1g1]

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

its cold ill agree, but it was the B/F that proposed etc

Very insensitive of her, you can be honest with her about how it felt insensitive due to the timing. Also it's not in her control when her boyfriend chose to propose maybe give it some time and hopefully you won't feel as bad, if you still feel the same maybe it's best to distance yourself for a while until you feel ready...

It seems nearly 90% would, yes.

I once had a situation at work where someone less competent but longer serving was earning much more.

I was understandably upset (and it did get fixed eventually) but someone said "what he earns makes no difference to your life". Which was true. It wasn't right, but it was only jealously, him earning less would make no difference to me.

This is similar. You feel jealous because of your hurt, but her being happy really doesn't harm you in any way, in fact it should enhance your life.

I'm sorry your bf was an arse and that your wedding fell through. However once the date is cancelled, that's it. Everyone can now do whatever they want on that day. As difficult as it probably was for you, you don't own the day.

Some of these replies!

I am so sorry, OP. I totally understand the hurt and the shock. No, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

They were in Italy for what was supposed to be your wedding day! How can you not feel upset? You're dealing with one massive blow from having to cancel the wedding and still reeling with the circumstances leading to that and now just been delivered another sucker punch.

Your friend is very insensitive. Maybe if she hadn't come on the phone to you overjoyed with happiness not long after he proposed (I'm assuming) it would have been not so bad.

She could have told you when she got home and done it sensitively in these circumstances. But then it was probably on social media or at least being text to mutual friends within the hour of it happening anyway so perhaps she thought it was better coming from her.

In time you will be able to get past this but it's expecting too much to be able to do that now. Look after yourself and be kind to yourself and take your time to heal from the break up of your relationship. And also be thankful you did not marry the cheating scumbag. There is a better man out there for you, OP.💐

My best friends partner proposed at my wedding night do.
I love them both and was really happy for them both.

You sound bonkers.

It’s not about lying it’s about having the emotional maturity to recognise that this was always going to be a difficult weekend for the op. Compounding it with a ‘best friends’ proposal and expecting the op to be gleefully congratulating her is a step too far.

Nobody needs anything tattooing on their head. The bf of the friend presumably knew the reason they were there. Unless he’s incredibly dense, very thoughtless or a combination of both he should have realised it would put his partner in a bit of an awkward position. Presumably he didn’t care. But of course op is the selfish one.

PP have no feelings. My poor friend had to cancel her wedding also because of cheating and we, her closest friends, spent the would-have-been wedding day with her, hyping her up and distracting her. It’s a shame for you that your closest friends went to the wedding venue without you but that’s one of the issues with abroad weddings - you couldn’t have expected them to lose the money.

but your friend was very very insensitive to call you with the news on that day. She should have been calling to check you were ok and sent you flowers / chocolates to say how sorry she was that the wedding wasn’t going ahead. Instead she rubbed your face in her own happiness. Really not kind, classy or sensitive.

yes she can’t help being engaged, but she could have saved telling you for when she got back and done it sensitively via text so you had time to compose yourself and be happy for her.

so sorry your fiance turned about to be a dick and huge well done on getting rid of him before the wedding. That must have been really hard and I hope you find a lovely man as you deserve.

@TravelPanic the best friend didn’t call her on the day itself . She called her the next day

it is interesting people’s opinions as I would have thought texting was a cop out and that would have upset me more than getting a call

Like it or not that fact that this was planned as a destination wedding, meaning the friends were stuck with a holiday they'd paid for, on the day the wedding should have taken place is relevant. Probably OP's best friend wouldn't have planned a holiday and there would have been no proposal on that date otherwise.

Presumably he would have proposed to her on a different beach on a different day, if they hadn't already spent the money.

I'd say it was you being weird if you can't understand why the OP would at least find it hard.

Hardly the same.

Ouch. Really unnecessary.

Great that they manage to salvage something from the money they had spent (wasted) on your wedding!

I imagine they had no idea it was the date you were due to marry. Plus they were on holiday! It’s hardly like it was done on purpose.

She’s allowed her moment of excitement.

All of this.

You didn't have a wedding day. Because your ex is an arsehole. It has nothing to do with your friend at all.

People are being really harsh, OP. Of course you were thinking about your wedding on that day, and it must’ve been hard, knowing that your friends were in Italy too for what should have been your day. Of course it’s completely understandable they went on the trip, but I can very much imagine how that weekend would’ve been very sensitive to you. I think I probably would’ve hid my feelings from the bridesmaid because I think she was just being a bit insensitive rather than mean. But your feelings are completely valid, of course they are. I hope you’re OK.

You're being unreasonable to make her feel bad that her b/f proposed yes

I think if friend had posted "I'm stuck with a holiday to a romantic destination after my best friend's wedding was cancelled, should I go with BF anyway. There's a possibility he might propose on the weekend of the planned wedding and I'll be away over a weekend she might need support". She'd have been told to go and have a lovely time.

It’s insensitive and you’re entitled to feel hurt. The boyfriend obviously knew the significance of the date as I presume he was going to your wedding with your best friend, so he’s a bit of a thoughtless knob really.

I’ve not read all previous replies so apologies if I’m repeating what others have said.

It wasn’t your wedding day, it would have been but as it never happened it wasn’t, that would be like saying it’s your wedding anniversary when it isn’t.

Your best friend wasn’t your bridesmaid, she would have been but as it never happened she is just your friend.

They are a group of friends on holiday, not the wedding party, where her boyfriend has proposed.

You would have been upset however you found out so rather than you hearing it off someone else she’s had the decency to phone & tell you. Rather than being pleased for her you have pretty much cut her off & ruined what should have been a happy moment for her.

Its been 4 months since you had a lucky escape, he it been in the days following you having to cancel your wedding then yes, a bit insensitive, but 4 months later?

It seems very dramatic on your part like you are trying to make it all about you?

Ahh. I should have read the post properly.

I imagine he was planning to propose on that trip whether you were there for your wedding or not.

I feel like people are being unnecessarily harsh here, telling you to get over yourself etc. I can totally understand why this news on that day would have been so difficult for you, it was meant to be your special day and you were bound to feel full of emotions on the day, and your response was so. Try and find a way to be happy for her once you've had chance to process the news, she isnt at fault.