Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

[Doghouse1g1]

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

I don’t necessarily mean instagram - I mean WhatsApp chats . I have a big group of mates on it and I have smaller groups. I have groups with my close friend’s parents on it as I have known them for 40 years. Our parents know each other so they would have chatted about it. My point simply is that this might have got out somehow. Then again, it might not. We have no idea of the situation so we have no idea of the friend’s motivation. I think it’s very unfair to malign the friend when they might have thought she was doing the right thing.

It's not your wedding day. Yabu and Abit strange here. Id be grateful that your bridesmaid who spent a lot of money got to have a lovely holiday and is now engaged. Be a friend here and congratulate her

I never said she was. I said she wasn’t unreasonable to feel the way she does. I just don’t think the friend is at fault either

I can't believe some of the heartless responses on here. Rightly or wrongly I'd feel quite hurt, it feels insensitive given you're going through a hard time with the cancellation of your wedding. I think it's due to the fact the proposal was in the location you should have been getting married as well.

Ultimately you will need to get past it but I'd be feeling a bit raw in your position.

If they were planning to get engaged soon anyway I'm not sure that there's much that could have been done to avoid upsetting Op .

Granted, avoiding her wedding weekend would have helped, but it would always have hurt I would have thought.

Unfortunately, whatever others do or don't do, Op's situation stays the same.

Hopefully it won't be too long before she sees it as a bullet dodged.

I can understand why your upset. I'm sure the whole ordeal was devastating and what was supposed to be your special day is hers, and all your friends are having fun in a trip that was orchestrated by you but you aren't a part of anymore. You're human. As others have said though, she hasn't really done anything wrong. It was arguably insensitive of her fiance to propose on the exact day though.

4 months, not 4 years, and op might have been extra raw that weekend which was supposed to be her wedding day.
It was a day she had been planning for long, it was not a Las Vegas drunken wedding. It’s not like op stopped her friend to go on that trip that you are calling her Miss Havisham.
Have some respect for people and the institution of marriage that you think she should be nonchalant about it the very next day.

I think you should call your friend and apologize for your behavior. Nothing done was wrong here and you should have at least faked being happy for her. Nothing wrong being upset about it because these feelings are normal. You are hurt about what happened. But the person you should be mad/upset at is your ex fiance. Even if you are having feelings of thinking its not fair or jealousy or whatever against your friend getting engaged on what was supposed to be your day, if you are a real friend you keep them to yourself. I would apologize saying you were caught off guard and still getting over what happened with your ex fiance, but you are happy for your friend, wish them the best etc.

Like you said everyone reacts in a different way, so OP’s feelings are as valid as friends excitement about her engagement.

One of those situations where it’s ok to feel a bit sad and angry over your situation, but that you have to swallow your emotions and not be weird to your friend about it. It’s very hard to do, and you’re not a monster for feeling this way. But in time when you heal you’ll be glad you didn’t let your ex ruin your friendships too.

look after yourself, find a safe space to be angry in confidence and go do something nice for yourself xxx

So because you would have lied to your friend via text message you're sensitive and classy.

Whereas a friend who chooses honesty and a direct and personal line of communication is crass and insensitive?

Ok, then 😂

Thaknfully your DH has the events of the last 4 months and beyond, of all your extended friendships, tattooed on his forehead so he can never be accused of being thoughtless. 😂Deluded.

I am sorry thst you have had this horrible disappointment in your life, but please try and find it in your heart to be pleased for your friend. I know it is hard but you will need your friends just now.

Oh come on. They were in Italy because of OP and knew it was planned as the wedding trip. Yes it got turned into a holiday but it would have cost the friend nothing to say to the people out there "please don't say anything on social media until I do because I want to tell OP sensitively."

Friend could then very easily have messaged OP when she got back to say she acknowledged the weekend must have been tricky and was thinking of her but just wanted to let her know before seeing on social media that boyfriend had proposed. No lying involved but a bit more thoughtful and sensitive to OP's feelings.

I don't understand how so many posters can be so callous and lacking in empathy. A friend of mine had to cancel a wedding in very similar circumstances years ago and it was completely awful for a long time afterwards. She felt humiliated which is natural even though she had nothing to be sorry for but having to tell friends and family who had spent money that the wedding was cancelled and why at the same time as feeling completely heartbroken is an awful thing to go through. Of course OP is feeling sensitive and vulnerable this past weekend. She's human.

It wasn't your wedding day because you were no longer getting married it was a day of her holiday. Her boyfriend was perhaps a little bit insensitive but what could she say no this would have been my friend's wedding day I cannot possibly accept today asked me again tomorrow. I assume she facetimed you and let you know quickly so that it didn't appear on social media via other people because I suspect you would have been hurt to find out that way.

Nah that is absolutely disgusting. She knew you'd feel shit and they did that ?!!! Shocking carry on.

OP, I'm so sorry your ex cheated on you. You had a lucky escape. He's a waste of space. I'm not surprised you're still in a lot of pain

One of the consequences of planning a wedding abroad is that for your guests, it stops being "just" a wedding and becomes a holiday in its own right, as they're paying a lot of money to attend. This means that if the wedding is unfortunately cancelled, the trip is now officially just a holiday. Couples often get engaged on holiday, and it's not really fair to expect them to postpone this until their next one - holidays are expensive.

I think it was fair of your friend to let you know the next day that she was engaged. Would you rather have found out much later than everyone else? I would contact her, apologise for your reaction and tell her you're happy for her.

Excellent, a date with horrid memories, replaced with a reason to be happy for your friend instead.

You owe your friend an apology.

You hope I don’t have many friends but I feel the same about you. Friendship involves considering the feelings of others.

You also have low standards for your partner’s IQ if you don’t think they’d manage to recall why they were in Italy in the first place.

Well counter to that loads of posters are calling the friends fiance an idiot, and some are even suggesting they shouldn't have went on the holiday and lost out on presumably thousands of pounds! Empathy works both ways. Clearly the friend did what she thought was a thoughtful thing. It can be argued it wasn't the best route but she clearly tried. So calling the friend classless and other vile names is out of order. perhaps swing that judgmental mirror back around at some of your fellow comrades?

A similar thing happened to me, my SiL was due to get married and called it off 6 weeks before the wedding as ex was cheating.

My DH proposed over what would have been her wedding weekend, it wasn’t the actual day. I did first ask him if his sister knew and was ok with and she said she would like to look back at that date now with happy memories of our engagement and not the wedding that would have been.

try and take a leaf out of my SiL book and think of it now as a happy memory.

My best friend gave birth on what would have been my wedding day. The bitch 😆

All of you saying it’s totally fine…would you have announced to your best friend that you were engaged on day very she would otherwise have been getting married?

I agree with you but really your relationship was unstable (cheating) & it sounds like your guests paid alot of money for a trip to Italy ao if something good came out of it it's probably for the best

I would be SO relieved that something good came out of the wasted effort/time/expense of these friends. I would have been so embarrassed and felt huge guilt.

I would genuinely be very happy.

personally why is this an issue ?