Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

[Doghouse1g1]

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

Yes she was a bit sensitive to not able to wait and tell you in person. There was no empathy for the pain you must be going through a day after ‘ the wedding day’.
Hopefully she will understand why you couldn’t jump in joy for her the next day after the cancelled wedding day given the circumstances it was cancelled under.
Posters calling you mean or rude are lacking in empathy to understand what you must be going through. I hope you have support in real life. Hugs

I didn't know you could have a wedding day without a wedding

But it’s not a natural reaction when your best friend rings you to tell you that they’ve just got engaged to say that you need time to process the news and end the conversation! If my best friend treated my like that I don’t think I’d be inclined to ‘reconnect and have a celebratory glass or two’!

@Doghouse1g1 I voted YANBU as I can understand why you are hurt. However, if her boyfriend proposed then she didn't have any control over the timing. I expect she thought it was better to tell you right away than risk you finding out from someone else.

I also think you need to reclaim the date, and instead of thinking of it as the day of your wedding that never was, you celebrate the day you didn't marry the cheating scumbag.

Your wedding was cancelled!
it wasn’t your wedding day as there wasn’t a wedding!

Wow I’m so shocked at how callous some posters are. Of course the place and the date still had associations with your wedding plans. It wasn’t just a random holiday. I think your friend was really insensitive to announce it to you like that. She could have kept it on the down low for a week or so, or told you when she got back in person.

If you are truly best friends then you should understand. I would. To be honest, I would have broken the news in a more sensitive manner.

Get over yourself? When you have to cancel your wedding after finding out the partner had multiple affairs and your friend can’t wait to tell you in person and call you next day from what was supposed to be your wedding day, only then you can tell a person to get over themselves and how to do that.

I think humanity is missing from mumsnet where people think it’s ok to tell a person to get over when they are already low.

This thread really has reminded me what a cesspit MN in general and AIBU specifically is

Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.

I think that this might be getting some people's backs up.

Exactly you can just imagine the mumsnet post:

‘my friend got engaged on what should have been my wedding day. She didn’t let me know personally but left me to find out via social media. Am I being unreasonable to be upset that everyone knew before me and she didn’t have the guts to call me? I thought we were very close but I was the last to know!’

you can imagine everyone would be saying how awful the friend was!

It’s not a natural reaction in normal circumstances.

Of course it’s your choice to never reconnect or be self aware that the way you broke the news so soon after was insensitive.

She didn’t have to announce it on social media either though - she could have waited a few days

Yes, that's an oddly self absorbed way to set things out rather than "I felt bad they'd all wasted their money and glad they could still have a nice holiday".

I understand it would smart, but don't understand why friend and fiancé could be considered to have done anything wrong.

But she was away with others who would have been at the wedding, so "everyone" except OP would have known.

I can’t believe so many people think you’re being unreasonable. Of course she couldn’t control when her boyfriend proposed (although I think his timing was a bit bizarre, proposing on a trip to a wedding that didn’t happen because of a cheating non-husband - not exactly a happy scenario) - but she didn’t have to tell you straight away, or tell you the exact timing of the proposal. If it had been me, I’d have mentioned a few days later that I’d got engaged.

It’s a bit like someone joyfully sending a photo of a positive pregnancy test to a friend on the day the friend had a miscarriage.

You could just be pleased that the day will now have some pleasant association ?

Now I've seen it all in the all of me, me and oh me.

Now you're trying to control what other's do. 🫠

Unless it was your ex she got engaged to, I fail to see any issue.

Well op has a right to process her feelings they way they are naturally occurring to her. It’s hardly a crime to feel bad that friend couldn’t think of her pain. Maybe ‘best’ friend could have waited a week, after telling op in person, to post on SM for the sake for her best friend.

Is best friend 7 that she was so excited to tell op through FaceTime next day.

Very insensitive for her to facetime you with this news, OP.

I don’t think you’re being weird. I feel really sorry for you. Her bf didn’t need to do it then, it was insensitive of him and she didn’t need to tell you… she could have said it was another day! Am sorry

She could have told her parents and they put on social media or some of the other guests (remember quite a few of them took the trip not just the friend and her fiance) loaded it. You can’t keep this sort of thing quiet and I doubt the friend would have wanted to have been telling all the other people to keep it quiet and checking they were keeping to that.

and in any event please don’t forget this was her friend’s engagement. ie a massive deal to her. Why should she wait to announce it to wider friends and family?

Some posters really like to kick someone while they are down. I don't think they'd speak to a friend or family member that was feeling upset like that. "Get over it".....how callous do you need to be?

I totally understand that this was a weekend where you may be feeling vulnerable. It was meant to be your wedding so of course it was always going to be a strange one. Your friend had no control over when her boyfriend proposed but I do think she's been completely tactless telling you in the way she did. It could have waited until she got back home with a message saying she was engaged without going into details about the day and location. I'm assuming your friend is young because it seems thoughtless but not malicious so I'd hold onto that.

Why don't you send her a message saying that once again you're so pleased for her but you were just a bit caught off guard because it has been a tricky weekend for you. I think a good friend would see they'd been insensitive and would understand your response.

Is it me and me and more me after what Op went through?