DH takes the best of everything

[Floranan]

It really p me off, he always gets in first with food / drink takes the best for himself always. Buy doughnuts leave them on the side, he doesn’t think “ oh she loves the apple one or DGD loves the pink one so I’ll leave them and have the chocolate one” oh no if the apple of pink one looks best he takes it. I know that’s a silly example but you get the idea.

today I served dinner. On a Sunday we always eat as a family at the table and I put the food out in serving bowls. I think I should do a diagram people are going to ask for a diagram. Anyway I sit at the end so I can easily get things and DH one side and dd (adult) sits opposite. DH and DD are very close have the same interests and can talk for hours. I don’t normally mind but today I lost it.

I put the chicken in the middle of the table the potatoes my side of the meat the veg the other, forget the gravy go back to kitchen to get, via back door to let dog in. Get to table and they have served themselves. dd normal size meal fine, DH his plate is over flowing all the breast gone leaving just 1 drum stick and the wings and thighs, I only eat the breast or a little thigh I wouldn’t mind but it was 1.9 kg chicken !. DD passed me some thigh meat, I took some spuds and asked for veg, then asked again, then asked for wine they had wine where was mine. Normally I would make a fuss insist I’m passed stuff but today I just couldn’t be bothered, if they couldn’t see I didn’t have any dinner I just couldn’t be bothered. I cleared the plates away, realised the reason I hadn’t been offered veg was because the pig had but the most of it on his plate only to leave what would have been mine because he was full.

i left them to clear the kitchen (they always do if I cook) though I normally stay and help,

I just feel un important, not noticed, at one time he would have made sure I had the best he would see a lovely slice of meat and put it on my plate. When did that stop ? I missed it happening. I know now and for some time, I seem unimportant to him . I’m in bed with a glass of wine and some spicy tangy wotsits watching call the midwife.

Yeah I mean he sounds like a selfish pig but why are you a martyred little mouse? I would have pointed it out there and then and taken food off his plate. People will treat you how you let them, including your twat of a husband.

That’s horrible, I’m so sorry. Why are some men so selfish?

Greedy git springs to mind

Ha, I nearly said it was ungentlemanly earlier but didn’t dare! 😂

I agree.

Well that’s different because there’s only two of you. PP was claiming it was obvious that only two people can have breast meat if there’s more than two of you, which is blatantly untrue.

He's thoughtless, greedy and selfish, but unless you tell him he's never going to realise that on his own. You have to either tell him nicely, take it from him or lose your shit at him!

I agree with PP's - plate up what you want for yourself before you put the rest on the table or plate up everything.

In last night's case, I'd have been demanding food back off of your DH's plate if he'd not left you anything you like. It's nice that your DD gave up some of hers, but it's not down to her either.

No more Mrs Nice Guy OP!

I bet they think of themselves as The Provider too.

All should be present before serving a meal, I think.
Advise them about good manners and serve the meals yourself in the kitchen, bringing DH out last of all.
Do you say Grace? That often reminds people to pause and wait for others who are dining with them..

This. Always serve yourself first from now on OP. And if he notices or says anything then ask him why it has been okay for him to get more/the best of stuff for years and now suddenly it’s not okay for you to do so?

People who only like/easy breast meat will always be short changed with roast chicken. So I can see your point BUT I'd also cook something

What you describe isn't how i would have 'lost it'

You need to be more assertive, i'd have told both of the greedy fuckers to put it BACK and then divvied it up evenly, and then told him exactly why i did it and what a selfish thing that was to do.

You have to talk to him, and start plating up in the kitchen.

A grown man shouldn't need to be taught that you wait for everyone to take some and then ask before you help yourself to what's left.

He's obviously a dick, but have you actually spoken to him about this? How did that go?

Plate up 3 equal meals in the kitchen and serve those. Ask/ tell your family to pour you some wine. If anyone wants more food when they have finished, they get it themselves from the kitchen. If your family ignore you all through dinner, find ways to be included in the conversations, or invite an extra person

My husband is like this, lately has started filling his plate with all the meats, that should be shared equally for a family of four, think fajitas.
I told him to stop with the meat thing, as it was annoying.

He will eat anything else he finds or fancies, doesn’t matter if it’s his share or not.

Yes. My husband always gives me and my son the best.

I give them the best.

Isn't that what a relationship should be...? I'm sad for you, OP.

Dish up your own dinner, problem solved.

It isn’t solved though is it? If this is how he behaves in all aspects of their life.

OP, I hope that now you’ve read everyone’s disgust it will give you the strength to sit him down and have a chat about how his selfish behaviour affects you, and what it is modelling to your DD.

You say you have an adult DD - so for how long has your DH been doing this?

Have you spoken to him about it before? If not - why not?

He ate the whole breast of nearly 2kg chicken? And all the veg? Wow. Is he really overweight?

Why did you not say something? I would have taken his plate and removed some meat for myself. What a selfish git.

I would also say - from now on, plate the food and tell his explicitly what is for him and what is not.

Nonsense. As everyone else has said, you slice the breast and share that out and then everyone else takes other pieces of meat. I have never seen anyone just take a whole breast and put it on their plate? Not at friends, not in restaurants. A roast meat is always sliced.

We are a family of four who would all probably like just breast meat but we share it via slices (DH often forgoes it). I will then also have a wing (yum) and DS likes a drumstick and so on...

We also don't start serving till the cook is sat down - anything else is just rude.

I agree. But she’s not. And he’s the problem.

I was thinking exactly the same. Surely you look after your family first. I don't want to sound like Andrew Tate, but I was brought up to put your wife/kids first, ensure they get the best. These days it's not about ensuring that they are fed like it used to be (I know people who ate toast when their children had a full meal to ensure they were fed) but it's about them getting food/clothes/etc so they live the best life
What's even worse is that the op knew he wouldn't eat all of it...he's just greedy...and pathetic.

You sound just like my mother. When we were kids she made a part-time career out of being put on the back-foot. Fact is, she rarely made it clear what her preferences were, and sometimes would deliberately leave things where she knew someone would make use of them first. I lived with it for almost 18 years and I won't tolerate as an adult - people have to speak up and look after themselves.

As others have said about the doughnuts, you should have taken what you wanted first. Your husband may be a twat, but then he may have no idea what he's doing. You need to look after yourself instead of complaining after the event.

Easy. Just do/buy the thing you like. Don't cook a whole chicken. Use only chicken breast in your cooking so everyone can have the good bit. Buy only one kind of doughnut. Buy only the candy you like and don't leave it unattended.

???? 🙄