DH takes the best of everything

[Floranan]

It really p me off, he always gets in first with food / drink takes the best for himself always. Buy doughnuts leave them on the side, he doesn’t think “ oh she loves the apple one or DGD loves the pink one so I’ll leave them and have the chocolate one” oh no if the apple of pink one looks best he takes it. I know that’s a silly example but you get the idea.

today I served dinner. On a Sunday we always eat as a family at the table and I put the food out in serving bowls. I think I should do a diagram people are going to ask for a diagram. Anyway I sit at the end so I can easily get things and DH one side and dd (adult) sits opposite. DH and DD are very close have the same interests and can talk for hours. I don’t normally mind but today I lost it.

I put the chicken in the middle of the table the potatoes my side of the meat the veg the other, forget the gravy go back to kitchen to get, via back door to let dog in. Get to table and they have served themselves. dd normal size meal fine, DH his plate is over flowing all the breast gone leaving just 1 drum stick and the wings and thighs, I only eat the breast or a little thigh I wouldn’t mind but it was 1.9 kg chicken !. DD passed me some thigh meat, I took some spuds and asked for veg, then asked again, then asked for wine they had wine where was mine. Normally I would make a fuss insist I’m passed stuff but today I just couldn’t be bothered, if they couldn’t see I didn’t have any dinner I just couldn’t be bothered. I cleared the plates away, realised the reason I hadn’t been offered veg was because the pig had but the most of it on his plate only to leave what would have been mine because he was full.

i left them to clear the kitchen (they always do if I cook) though I normally stay and help,

I just feel un important, not noticed, at one time he would have made sure I had the best he would see a lovely slice of meat and put it on my plate. When did that stop ? I missed it happening. I know now and for some time, I seem unimportant to him . I’m in bed with a glass of wine and some spicy tangy wotsits watching call the midwife.

He took ALL the breast meat from a 1.9 kg chicken?? 😱

No, I agree, and I also think that ideas of how to solve the problem of sharing out the food don’t address the root cause
of lack of thought and care which is what’s upsetting. BUT I did think it was important to disagree with PP that “obviously only 2 people will get breast” because it seemed loony.

How about a bit of proofreading before you post? Then we might be able to understand what you are saying!

So unattractive, and at the risk of wrath from others, so unmanly. What kind of man takes the best food to leave the scraps for his family? If my husband gets to food first or is serving it to me or the kids, he gives us all the best bits. White breast meat, reddest strawberries, unbroken fried egg, softest slices of bread - whatever. I do the same if I get there first or am serving. It’s definitely old fashioned but I’d think less of him as a man if he took the best food out of our mouths.
Not sure what advice to give OP; if he doesn’t already work this was I’m not sure if you can change it without cooking and eating separately which is miserable.

Yes, that posters chicken carving method is so bizarre that I’m not surprised a lot of people have commented. Even I know that’s not how you do it, and I don’t eat roast dinners.

If you’re going to serve meals like that, then plate yours up first before everything is put on the table. Same with drinks, pour your own, let them sort themselves.

bringing treats into the house to share, put your favourite to one side in a cupboard he wouldn’t usually look in.

with dinner it sounds like your doing all the cooking, being left with “scraps” and then cleaning up after everyone. What do you husband and daughter do?

Leave half of one. Let him get the shit end of the serving, continuously, until he is a changed man.

Right!

Yup, I would have taken some breast meat and some vegetables from his plate!. Stand up for yourself

So you think a normally intelligent adult man is incapable of looking around and thinking”Hey, if I take all of this there’s none left for anyone else” UNLESS A WOMAN TELLS HIM???? Fuck me….

I would cook 2x as much next time and take the normal stuff out.

Then when they take everything bring the rest out and overload the table with an extra chicken veg etc.

When they ask why tell them its because there isn't normally anything left for you because it all gets taken and not eaten and left.

Then watch in hysterics as your husband tries to eat the mountain of food he has taken but can't eat to prove you wrong.

I voted YABU because you were ridiculous not to have said “Oi you fat knacker, give me some of your food”

Suffering in silence / martyrdom does nobody any favours.

I do think OPs H is a pig. We don’t eat meat and our face dinner is Meera Sodha’s chilli tofu. I always cook double to have some in a wrap for lunch. If DH wants more he asks ‘Is that in the pan for your lunch or can I have more?’

Sorry back to the doughnut thing though - if I love apple doughnuts and there’s one in a selection (and crucially-I am the one putting them out and declaring them ready to eat) I wouldn’t expect my family not to touch the apple one as I’d think they’d believe I had decided not to choose it that time. I do see if someone else puts the box out and I haven’t got there yet I’d be sad if it had been snaffled.

I'd have removed his plate from in front of him, taken off what I wanted, handed it back and very precisely explained exactly what was wrong with his behaviour.
If his thoughtlessness and selfishness continued I'd be inclined to stop cooking for him, and hiding any nice foods from him until I'd enjoyed my fill first.
Utterly unacceptable behaviour. Show him the replies on here to make him think twice next time his sheer greed starts to get the better of him.
DH & I have been together 23 years and he still always puts me and children first when it comes to 'nice food'.

Next time tell hubby to get the gravy so you can take the best of everything.

I missed the bit where you lost it? It sounds like you didn’t express your upset with him\them? You need to be more assertive. He does sound like a selfish prick.

Here we are on page 12 and the OP hasn't returned (I know, I know..) so I'll just say chicken carving and consumption is not a uniform procedure across the nation. We have a small chicken for the two of us so yes, one breast each, carved off in one piece and no slicing it up. Drumsticks, wings etc is leftover meat for other meals. That's as it's two of us eating, of course but for the PP saying "no-one ever carved off a whole breast and put it on their plates then ate it"...yep, we do that.

Plate up your dinner next time - or plate up for all of you. If he asks why, tell him.

The grown up thing to do, which id find hard so not preaching, is to have a conversation with him and tell him how that made you feel.

This. It’s called chef’s perks. Of course the person who cooked gets the best pickings.

Send someone else to get the gravy. You DH is probably a lost cause (you’ll just have to take food off him as other posters say) but you adult DD will be picking up his habits and becoming an unbearable ‘princess’. Please save her.

This drives me bad and was the same in our house growing up, most noticeable as mealtime. Father helped himself to the breast of chicken and my mum gave us children a little and then she always had a leg, every single time. I don’t even know if she actually liked the leg meat but fast forward 30 years and here I am eating the leg meat while my DH and child have the breast meat! He would have also gone into a shop leaving us kids in car and come out with an ice cream for himself never us, to be honest we didn’t even grumble or moan as knew it didn’t change. So now as an adult I do find it hard to assert my needs/ wishes. I hope you do get the courage to just say something or take some of the advise here about plating up the food!

We always give each other the ‘best’ pieces. My husband and our young adult kids. You live with selfish people. I can’t imagine being like that. You deserve better.

Everyone helps lay the table and carry food into the dining room so we all sit down together. Then we pass the plates around
We never pile our plates up because there’s always more to go back to if you are still a bit hungry on the basis that i lived in a country where it was considered rude to leave food on your plate.

OP, in future I’d expect everyone to help bring food to the table and everyone to wait till the last person is sat down before everyone starts helping themselves.
Then speak up if your dh is being rude and not thinking of others.

He's a disgusting greedy pig. @Floranan

As PP have said, start plating up in the kitchen.

I read your OP last night but fell asleep before responding.
I don't get why you didn't say... where the hell is all the meat and veg gone? I only left the table for 30 seconds. You greedy shite! Also, why no wine for me?

How can you live with someone so selfish? You've adult children, so you've obviously been together a long time.

I use voice to message as I had a stroke earlier this year. It's clearly not that great & sometimes I forget to check it, if it's incorrect I can't just fix it, I have to delete it and start again.

yes. there are some whopping mistakes, but I'm sure the OP can read the most important points.

your comment was completely unnecessary, if you can't read it, that's ok, it wasn't for your benefit.