DH takes the best of everything

[Floranan]

It really p me off, he always gets in first with food / drink takes the best for himself always. Buy doughnuts leave them on the side, he doesn’t think “ oh she loves the apple one or DGD loves the pink one so I’ll leave them and have the chocolate one” oh no if the apple of pink one looks best he takes it. I know that’s a silly example but you get the idea.

today I served dinner. On a Sunday we always eat as a family at the table and I put the food out in serving bowls. I think I should do a diagram people are going to ask for a diagram. Anyway I sit at the end so I can easily get things and DH one side and dd (adult) sits opposite. DH and DD are very close have the same interests and can talk for hours. I don’t normally mind but today I lost it.

I put the chicken in the middle of the table the potatoes my side of the meat the veg the other, forget the gravy go back to kitchen to get, via back door to let dog in. Get to table and they have served themselves. dd normal size meal fine, DH his plate is over flowing all the breast gone leaving just 1 drum stick and the wings and thighs, I only eat the breast or a little thigh I wouldn’t mind but it was 1.9 kg chicken !. DD passed me some thigh meat, I took some spuds and asked for veg, then asked again, then asked for wine they had wine where was mine. Normally I would make a fuss insist I’m passed stuff but today I just couldn’t be bothered, if they couldn’t see I didn’t have any dinner I just couldn’t be bothered. I cleared the plates away, realised the reason I hadn’t been offered veg was because the pig had but the most of it on his plate only to leave what would have been mine because he was full.

i left them to clear the kitchen (they always do if I cook) though I normally stay and help,

I just feel un important, not noticed, at one time he would have made sure I had the best he would see a lovely slice of meat and put it on my plate. When did that stop ? I missed it happening. I know now and for some time, I seem unimportant to him . I’m in bed with a glass of wine and some spicy tangy wotsits watching call the midwife.

What an odd way to serve a roast chicken. Most people carve it.

Its easy for people to say "Stand up for yourself". In reality its hard if you dont know how because you havent been brought up this way.

I would start serving it up in the kitchen. Being a greedy pig is very unattractive.

It’s bizarre. And is teaching her son to behave in exactly the way OP’s husband does… one day there will be a post from his future wife saying “my husband takes the whole breasts for himself and leaves me with only a wing… He says his mother was always happy to be left with just a wing and he can’t understand why I’m upset”.

He is being very greedy and selfish and I think you should serve the food onto the plates. If he asks why then tell him its because he didn't leave you anything last time.

You do need to discuss it with him, and ask why he thinks its acceptable to behave like it. He needs to be more considerate.

Of course everyone wants the best, the largest, the nicest, but we aren't all selfish and don't all grab it for ourselves.

My dad can be like it, whereas I look at the food and number of people and work out its 3 potatoes each or whatever. My dad would take 6 without even thinking about it.

As an aside, to agree with so many other PP, my mum always carves the chicken into slices, and so does everyone I have ever eaten roast chicken with. I have never known anyone to serve it as 2 whole breasts

You need to make an example of his greed and selfishness every single time in front of the kids so they all know its simply not acceptable.

All the posts arguing about how to cut up a chicken are spectacularly missing the point IMO. This isn't about the Mumsnet Magic Chicken (TM) It's about a person being treated poorly by her family (daughter as well as husband)

He's a dick and your a doormat. You need to stand up to him.

I’ve got a lovely new username from it. Unfortunately it won’t let you switch on the same thread

I grew up with five people in one of my families and seven in the other (step-siblings). A parent would carve the chicken and make sure everyone got both breast meat and other bits.

The idea of the father at the table just piling his own plate up with all the breast and to hell with whether there was any left for mum who’d been slaving away in the kitchen is gross.

The doughnut example is gross too, and people saying why doesn’t she just grab her favourite one first are missing the point. A loving dad and husband would be remembering his family’s favourites and saying “here little Mary, here’s your pink one, here loving wife, here’s the chocolate one you like”. He wouldn’t just dig in.

Never known anyone do that! You cut the breast off and two people get a breast, the third person has to have a leg. I always have the leg because it contains more iron and zinc. There are two 6ft plus, 17 stone men sitting at my table, I can’t see them eating less than one breast each.

What an odd way to serve a roast chicken. Most people carve it.

I dont think carving tips are going g to help op and her greed bastard of a husband.
There's more to the issue than slicing up the roast !

He’s a nasty piece of shit and you deserve better. I hope you start to speak up for yourself.

Doesn't it normally get shoved in the big fat husband's pig's mouth before serving on a silver platter?!

Quite clearly this isn't about chicken. I observe in my own family the men will do what they do without thought/guilt/ rumination/ care.

I honestly think it's hard wired into them.

As a family, why do you buy things that your family don't really like?

You all prefer breast meat - Just buy chicken breasts rather than a whole chicken. You all prefer the apple/pink doughnuts, don't buy any of the lesser-loved chocolate ones?

I think you should pull him up on this - make it known that he is being greedy and that you want him to share.

I eat a smaller portion than my husband or children but they'd still make sure I had enough while dishing up and that we shared the best bits. We'll often negotiate or compromise with multipacks of things - i.e. doughnuts cut into halves or quarters so nobody gets all of the favourite flavour.

When out in restaurants or having different things we'll often offer each other a small taste, indeed my youngest (13) often insists on it (he came and found me yesterday so I could try his can of drink and then later for a bite of his cheesecake cos he thought I'd enjoy them).

It isn't 'hardwired into them'. It's learned behaviour that people let them get away with.

Yes. And apparently it’s usually their mothers’ fault.

Plate it up in the kitchen. It reduces the amount of washing up by not using all the serving dishes and you can make sure you get a decent serving.
Also, don't leave the doughnuts out. Or if you must, just leave one and make sure you/DC have already had your pick.

I mean, it kind of is, or certainly can be. If more women just said 'oi, that's my share, you greedy hog' instead of martyring themselves, there would be fewer of these stories. It may not be a popular opinion, but a LOT of awful and entitled men have very enabling mothers who would never spoil their daughters the way they do their sons. Sometimes the call is truly coming from inside the house, as little as we may like it.

I have a 19 yr old DS who plays rugby, swims and is in the gym weight lifting 5 x per week.

if left to his own devices he’d eat 6 chicken breasts in one sitting, probably with a side of 6 fried eggs. But at family meals he will consciously make sure he hasn’t got an unfair amount and if necessary he’ll nip down the shop and buy a rotisserie chicken for an evening snack.

YANBU but YABU not to speak up EVERY time this happens.

I’ve noticed some people men start to lose their basic manners as they get older and they need reminding of the basics. Not my partner actually, he verges more to the martyr end of the spectrum. But there are a variety of approaches you could have employed there from the jovial, “Jesus wept, where’s all the chicken gone, has the dog been in here- DH can you please put some back on the plate” to the ballistic level- chucking everyone’s dinner in the bin and telling the selfish fuckers to sort themselves out. But the passive aggressive self-starvation was not a good choice. If my kids did that there’d be a rule that no one starts serving until everyone is at the table, or I’d plate up in the kitchen or I’d send DH for the gravy/ wine/ dog.

I think you need to stand up for yourself, you’re not the house skivvy.

So that photo looked kind of wrong to me and because I am now invested in the correct-way-to-carve-chicken sub theme, I googled it. It turns out that slicing the breast in to chunks like that goes against the grain, and results in tougher chicken. It should apparently be carved into long strips along the length of the breast, which will produce more tender results.

Now I've thought about this I realise that absolutely aligns with my experience, but I've never considered it before.

And it seems obvious that when serving a chicken only two people can have the breast!

I think proper chicken carving is a lost art. My dad used to do so beautifully. Then you have lovely neat slices of breast so you can have a bit of that and a bit of dark meat. That's the correct way to serve a chicken.

I was thinking same! You carve along the breast. That looks like they’ve taken the breast off whole and then cut it into chunks.