DH takes the best of everything

[Floranan]

It really p me off, he always gets in first with food / drink takes the best for himself always. Buy doughnuts leave them on the side, he doesn’t think “ oh she loves the apple one or DGD loves the pink one so I’ll leave them and have the chocolate one” oh no if the apple of pink one looks best he takes it. I know that’s a silly example but you get the idea.

today I served dinner. On a Sunday we always eat as a family at the table and I put the food out in serving bowls. I think I should do a diagram people are going to ask for a diagram. Anyway I sit at the end so I can easily get things and DH one side and dd (adult) sits opposite. DH and DD are very close have the same interests and can talk for hours. I don’t normally mind but today I lost it.

I put the chicken in the middle of the table the potatoes my side of the meat the veg the other, forget the gravy go back to kitchen to get, via back door to let dog in. Get to table and they have served themselves. dd normal size meal fine, DH his plate is over flowing all the breast gone leaving just 1 drum stick and the wings and thighs, I only eat the breast or a little thigh I wouldn’t mind but it was 1.9 kg chicken !. DD passed me some thigh meat, I took some spuds and asked for veg, then asked again, then asked for wine they had wine where was mine. Normally I would make a fuss insist I’m passed stuff but today I just couldn’t be bothered, if they couldn’t see I didn’t have any dinner I just couldn’t be bothered. I cleared the plates away, realised the reason I hadn’t been offered veg was because the pig had but the most of it on his plate only to leave what would have been mine because he was full.

i left them to clear the kitchen (they always do if I cook) though I normally stay and help,

I just feel un important, not noticed, at one time he would have made sure I had the best he would see a lovely slice of meat and put it on my plate. When did that stop ? I missed it happening. I know now and for some time, I seem unimportant to him . I’m in bed with a glass of wine and some spicy tangy wotsits watching call the midwife.

Id just dish the plates up before you get to the table, give yourself the best bits & leave him with the shit stuff from now on.

This is the crux of it. For some reason he's been allowed to think only of his needs and not see the bigger picture.

Some people look at what's available (not just food, all kinds of things in life) and take what they want. Others look at what's available, look around them, do a mental calculation and take just their share, whatever their natural inclination.

It's got to be upbringing.

The men in your family are greedy, bad mannered animals. That is not normal behaviour.

Some mind blowing misogyny from @Popsicle1981

falling over herself to justify male greed and selfishness. Very few women would be satisfied with just an apple.

The greedy bastards can learn to share end of.

oh, and eating a whole pack of ham in a sandwich is just obscene

Instead of having an actual conversation that goes “it’s incredibly selfish to leave me with no food, what on earth do you think you’re doing?”

‘Satisfied with an apple’ That is peak mumsnet. And utter rot.

Most blokes I see around are fat tbh not sure who these magic ones are who eat 4 quarter pounders and stay at 12 stone (which the correct weight for an average height male).

Yes taller men will need to est more, like taller women do but the 17 stoners on this thread could do with eating less, unless they are literally 7 foot tall.

Or get him to carve the chicken onto a serving plate and then either ask him to share it fairly (interesting to see what he does..) or you share it out. Do all this in a very performative way (ooh - I think you've misjudged that one - needs a bit more - what do you think, DD?) and really make the point.

As much as anything the amount of salt they must be consuming.

I suspect that the chicken is actually the breaking point of a much bigger much older issue.

One person ate an entire pound (454g) of beef in one meal?

That's absolutely obscene. No wonder the planet's fucked.

With my kids we do that one slices the contested item and the other gets first choice of the resultant portions- this motivating the slicer to be fair. They are 4 and 8 and it’s a joke now as they grew out of being selfish with cake a year or two ago…

Women can be 'satisfied with an apple' - thanks, that's given me a proper cheery start to my week. I want it on a t-shirt. Do we think 'Women can be satisfied with an apple' as a slogan, or just 'Satisfied woman' and an apple graphic?

OP, your husband is selfish and thoughtless and I would have taken the food off his plate. You're teaching your daughters to just let men take what they want...

Don't put the food on the table in serving dishes, dish it onto plates and serve the plates. DH complains? He can have seconds from whatever is left, but you get what you want.

Where is she putting the Apple?! 😳

Why didn’t you say anything at the time? Do you not communicate well together? He’s been/being a selfish dick but you’re being very passive about it. If I’d come back in and all the good meat had gone I’d have said “what’s going on here!? Why have you served yourselves but not me? I cooked and there’s no breast meat left. Let’s sort it out now please” if there’d been a shitty response to that I’d have lost my shit and gone on a massive rant.

We really like beef as a family, but there are often four of us at the meal, so we always have to get a whole cow as we obviously need a leg each.

No other solution, unfortunately.

Men don’t have vastly higher metabolism- about 20% higher.

and they can fill up on the boring stuff

and if there isn’t enough to go round they just take a share - they don’t come first ( unless they ard about to do a shift down the pit which is rare these days )

Filth.

Yes me too , never seen anyone take the breast off whole and give it to one person. I prefer the thigh, plus a slice of breast meat. There are 5 of us anyway, we need to share it out !

Yep “I cut, you choose” is a family rule here too and ends up with extremely fair division of treats. But adults shouldn’t need children’s rules to be fair with each other.

As PP said, I would not cook for him again.

You can leave his uncooked portion of the meal to one side (if you're feeling generous) for him to prep and cook himself.

He's being incredibly selfish and greedy.

That sounds exactly like something you would do with a little child, when teaching them basic manners and sharing.

Maybe OP could also put up a gold star chart in the bathroom for her husband, then he gets one to much fanfare and praise every time he remembers to wash his hands after going pee-pee?

This. Tell the greedy pig straight

Serve the food before it comes to the table ,then everyone gets their fair share

I dimly remember that my father did the carving and ensured everyone was served first. He then carved for himself.

He is 6 foot 4 and not small. And he likes his food. But he is a gentleman, not a pig.