GP displaying family photos, children's pictures dedicated to 'daddy' or 'mummy'

[Ilovepastafortea]

I'm lucky in that I've only had 2 miscarriages.

A friend of mine's DIL has now just had her 5th. Friend went to GP with her & was upset to see GP had pictures of their children & pictures obviously done by their children with annotations saying things like 'I love you daddy'.

This is all rather cute & lovely, but my friend thought rather insensitive when her DIL had recently lost a much wanted 5th PG. She also had concerns about women who are seeking fertility treatment - do they really need to be reminded how fertile their GP is?

We had a long discussion: we considered that on the plus side it shows that the GP is a family person with children & the inference is that they understand the problems of having a family. We considered that people who work in banks, in Boots, therapists, the supermarket, the Jobcentre could argue the same point. They don't display their children's photos.

I agree with her, family photos & personal pictures have no place in a GP's consulting room.

So AINBU thinking the family photos have no place in GP consulting rooms?

Thank you! Knew I was missing something.

At first I thought you were talking about grandparents and thought it is quite a lot to ask themnot to display photos of their grandchildren.

I personally dont think it is at all necessary to display an array of finely photos in client facing job. I'm sorry, but I kinda find it eye-rolly and would really consider it performative parenting.
But from the point of view of being sensitive to fertility issues, I think it is one of those things that might suck but doctor doesn't have to take it into consideration. It it was a fertility clinic, then it would be tonedeaf.

I had 5+ miscarriages before I finally got pregnant and stayed pregnant with my son. The pregnancy was horrendous as I developed hyperemesis and was in and out of hospital due to dehydration due to such severe sickness, I was finally pregnant and could never enjoy it, it was miserable and lasted the entire pregnancy until he was born.

I then had my healthy baby boy. Then he was diagnosed with cancer when he was 8, had severe complications, almost died, survived against all of the odds but is now in a wheelchair and disabled and will likely need care for the rest of his life.

Sometimes having children means experiencing a different heartbreak. Being bitter about it isn't going to help anyone, especially me and isn't suddenly going to take back my son getting cancer or the fact that I also had many more miscarriages after he was born too.

Haven't rtft, but in case no one’s mentioned it….why d’you assume that the GP hadn’t been through similar difficulties on their way to having children?… HCPs aren’t immune from the problems that affect people!

I really sympathise with your friend's daughter in law, infertility is awful and can feel really isolating when it seems like everyone else Is having babies really easily and you're the only one struggling.

But expecting a GP not to display pictures of their family is totally unreasonable. If friend's DIL is lucky enough to have a baby, then it's very unlikely she'll hide her child away because of how others may feel.

This smacks of main character syndrome.

Presumably there could be real children, not just pictures, in the GP surgery waiting to be seen. Should they be hidden away as well? Ridiculous.

As someone with fertility issues (someone very lucky to have had one successful pregnancy) I think YABU. Tbh I probably would have felt the same and been angry but it’s the wrong focus. Going through fertility problems is so all consuming and even something as simple as passing a few mums in a row pushing prams can make you feel so angry! It’s crazy, not to mention all the hormones on top.
I think more concerningly unless things have changed are that when you are in for things like scans or miscarriage or ivf that you are either in the same part as pregnant ladies or nearby so having to walk through it all. I will never forget a few years in for me and another scan and as I sat there all these pregnant ladies around me. Then a lady was wheeled in right to the back in the middle of a miscarriage and I can still hear the cries. I kept thinking of how hard that must be for her and then when it’s all over and time to leave she’s passing all these pregnancies waiting on their scans. I was also at the time so aware of how scary that would be for the mums sitting there waiting because it can happen to anyone. I really hope she got her happily ever after but that was honestly so horrendous and sad.

edit- if I had commented on photos my DH and DM would have quickly brought me back down as the world doesn’t revolve around me!

YABU , the GPs consulting room is his office and most people who have their own office have personal photos on display IME .

Before covid and hot decking, I used to have pictures of dc on my desk. In the long hours I worked without them it gave me a lift.

over thinking - you probably saw other people’s children in waiting room to. As a gp i have a picture on wall that a child drew when i was seeing their parents. when i had one of many miscarriages i ended up on ward next to person having termination.

life is sadly very unfair 😞

Maybe his kids are adopted. Maybe his kids are his step kids. Maybe his kids all died in a tragic accident. Maybe his wife had 10 miscarriages in the course of having those children.

I understand her sensitively here but kids, families are every where. Absolutely every where. She could meet a family in the doctors waiting room attending an appointment for vaccines before they go on a lovely exotic family holiday.

It’s tough, but it’s life. Father’s Day is tough when your Dad’s dead. Weddings are tough when you’ve lost a spouse etc. The world can’t stop because tragedy has happened or we’d all never do anything ever.

Mental.

Whilst we’ll all sympathise with anyone in this person’s situation, how many scenarios could you apply this to?

Wedding ring off in case have a patient who has recently lost their spouse or gotten divorced?

No hair on show when treating someone with alopecia?

I think GPs often have these photos/homemade pictures because they spend a shitload of time away from their family. It’s understandable. I bet it also helps build a rapport with some patients too, if they ask about the kids.

Incredible that you know the GP personally enough to know that these children were not conceived after years of infertility, IVF, or adoption themselves?

Also, as others have said, the world is not a child-free environment. She could easily have been sat next to a pregnant women, a newborn baby and a 5 year old just in the waiting room. People have children, it’s not a secret.

I think there is a happy medium here. I wouldn’t say no family pics but I think it would be tactful to keep it slightly lower key.

Of course in our surgery we don’t have this problem because I am not sure the same doctor ever uses a room, if not the building, twice.

I'm one of the 7% who think YANBU. But I don't really want to get into it on here.

I think far too sensitive and whilst it’s really and hard for her, life goes on, and other people have children, she will see pregnant ladies, friends could announce pregnancies.

YABVU.
People’s circumstances however sad, have no bearing on the circumstances of this GP, who likely spends so much time away from their family it is a nice reminder of the reason they are there in the first place.
I find it a strange thing to be offended by. You have hugely overthought this.

Exactly.

Sorry this is ridiculous. And I say that as someone who has been through the heartbreak of losing a child.

Your friend is BVU. GPs have a very stressful job, why shouldn’t they have pictures of their family out to keep them going?

I get it. After 4 miscarriages and going to see the GP in regard to this, it must have been a dagger to the heart. Yes she is being very sensitive, but that's how I felt after my miscarriages. Everything that reminded me of what I may never have was painful, plus all the hormonal fluctuations. I don't think he is wrong to have these pictures, but I totally understand why it hurt. YABU if you expect him not to remove these pictures, but YANBU for recognising this woman's pain.

I work with a GP who has had 4 failed ivf's and 3 miscarriages. Her consulting room has toys for children to play with and family friendly pictures on the walls.

I doubt not one patient thinks what she may be going through every day in her work environment to provide a welcoming, family friendly space.

YABU

I have had multiple miscarriages. I have been to the GP many many times to discuss this and never once did it occur to me that it was unreasonable of them to have pictures of their children on their desk. People go to the GP for so many issues; it’s not like it’s only for fertility or miscarriage, and I’m sure many other people (eg the older generations) really like seeing them.

I was once upset that when I went to the miscarriage clinic and as I walked in the very heavily pregnant nurse was telling all of her colleagues how she was counting down the hours before she finishes her shift and goes in Mat leave. But the clinic was empty at the time and it was unfortunate timing… that was my problem not hers.

so yeah YABVU

My friend is a GP. She very deliberately doesn’t have any family photos or pictures of anything which could be triggering for exactly those reasons. All the pictures in her surgery are neutral landscapes or animals.

Absolutely. And of all the horrendous problems in life, OP’s friend has no idea what the GP might be going through. A cancer scare? Death of her spouse? What if one of the children in the photo is no longer alive.

Do you see the problem with you and your friend here OP? You have no idea what other people are dealing with. Your friend’s daughter in law needs counselling if she is not coping in the world surrounded by other people’s lives.