GP displaying family photos, children's pictures dedicated to 'daddy' or 'mummy'

[Ilovepastafortea]

I'm lucky in that I've only had 2 miscarriages.

A friend of mine's DIL has now just had her 5th. Friend went to GP with her & was upset to see GP had pictures of their children & pictures obviously done by their children with annotations saying things like 'I love you daddy'.

This is all rather cute & lovely, but my friend thought rather insensitive when her DIL had recently lost a much wanted 5th PG. She also had concerns about women who are seeking fertility treatment - do they really need to be reminded how fertile their GP is?

We had a long discussion: we considered that on the plus side it shows that the GP is a family person with children & the inference is that they understand the problems of having a family. We considered that people who work in banks, in Boots, therapists, the supermarket, the Jobcentre could argue the same point. They don't display their children's photos.

I agree with her, family photos & personal pictures have no place in a GP's consulting room.

So AINBU thinking the family photos have no place in GP consulting rooms?

Should they also remove wedding rings in case it upsets those that may be visiting due to suffering as a result of losing their spouse?

I worked for the job centre and had photos and such on my desk, 🤷🏼‍♀️
The thing is your GP having children doesn’t make losing a child you want any better or worse.
I lost a leg a year ago. I don’t expect everyone else to jusy stop having legs for me. That’s how life is.
I understand she’s upset, but I think it’s unreasonable to have that expectation.

Fertility clinics are plastered with pictures of babies, either as posters/adverts for their services or with all the thank you letters that people send. It’s a place of hope but also sadness if you miscarry or don’t conceive. No one asks them to take down their photos, so why would you ask the GP to?

I've lost 3 babies and it never occurred to me that someone displaying photos of their children was unreasonable or insensitive, but then I don't think the world revolves around me.
YABVU

YABU I am incredibly sorry to hear about the losses and struggles and get that it can be hard even seeing children in the street.
I was at an early pregnancy and gynaecology clinic for a miscarriage scare. The receptionist very politely asked another couple if the father could take their baby out of the waiting room as people around them are dealing with loss. There were signs saying this too but the couple hadn’t seen them. They apologied and obliged immediately. I completely get it in this environment and appreciated the hospital’s sensitivity.
With a GP, they treat the whole range of health issues and cannot avoid anything which may offend or upset.

I’m very sorry for her friends DIL but there may be other ways to deal with the grief than trying to avoid all evidence that others have families. And unfortunately fertility has a massive drop off for most people so counselling and working out a way forward may be their best bet.

YABU - the world has a lot of things on it that are triggering or a sad reminder of things for people.
its your job to have therapy and learn to emotionally regulate yourself so you can cope in the real world with unintentional triggers. And avoid the situations which are going to be a huge no.

people can be mindful and empathetic to your situations but it’s not fair to try to limit other people’s happiness because you find it difficult/want something they have.

None of your bloody business.

You have indeed found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow 🌈.
The hoop jumping most of us have to endure yours is definitely not a shared experience for many.
Glad you've got that available though 👍😁

That made me think of this. It's not often that an episode of The Simpsons has made me cry.

Im sorry for their. As someone who's had miscarriages. I couldn't have cared less if my doctor had family photos.

Maybe they also had fertility issues - you don't know their journey...

Literally no one has said otherwise, almost every single poster myself included has said she was being unreasonable

That has nothing to do with your invasive and tone deaf post about how maybe she should have started ttc earlier.

How do you know the GP doesn’t have fertility issues? For all you know it took them multiple rounds of IVF or the child is adopted.

Absolutely I never take that for granted! I used to live in an area where you'd wait 2 hours in the call line and then there'd be no appointments available 😭

Simpsons reference.

@qwertyasdfgzxcv what a lovely touch. Our doctor used to do the same when my sons were small x

People cannot walk round on eggshells. Other children and babies exist in families and the family are entitled to lead a full life, as any family do.

I think this is ridiculous! I’d think how lovely, they want pictures of their kids. I’d also think they’d be an understand Dr, knowing they have kids who they adore means they’d understand how important having kids is for you!

You are being ridiculous.

I agree with a PP. Your friends DIL has come to her own conclusions from the photographs and pictures. None of us can know what other people's lives are like or how difficult (or indeed easy) things are for them.
I can't imagine how she feels.
A good friend of mine lost her DS to cancer. She went back to her job as a teacher after a few months and we have had many conversations about how she manages that. For me, seeing other DCs would just remind me of what I had lost. But she just says, well they are not my son.
Grief hits us all differently but I think it is unreasonable to expect other people to adapt their lives to the extent of banishing their joy just in case someone else is upset by seeing it.

Why would one photo be a different matter to several?

YABU

Had 5 miscarriages myself. Yes it can be ‘triggering’ to see the mummy and daddy pics or other mementos, but, frankly, so can walking past a playground, sitting next to a mother breastfeeding in a cafe etc. Short of people hiding the children away as they did in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, there is no escaping the existence of happy, healthy children or a person’s parenthood.

Am afraid this is a suck it up and get over it scenario. We’ve become a society where people are supposed to be cushioned and shielded from distress rather than offered compassion and understanding whilst they develop some resilience. My pain is no-one else’s responsibility. And I shouldn’t have to sensor myself or edit my persona in case I trigger someone else’s trauma. We all have baggage. For all you know the children in the GP’s photos are adopted or achieved after 5 rounds of IVF or the spouse is battling breast cancer.

So, no, totally fine for a GP to have pictures personal photos on their desk.

I had fertility issues and never gave it a seconds thought - there are kids everywhere in the world anyway. What if your GP was pregnant should they not go in incase someone is triggered?

I'm a bit surprised by photos purely for privacy reasons, but it depends where you are - in a small place chances are everyone sees and knows the GPs family anyway. But I think that although your friend found them and the drawings upsetting, there's a lot more patients who will feel that it makes the consulting room and doctor less intimidating. And that has to be a good thing.