GP displaying family photos, children's pictures dedicated to 'daddy' or 'mummy'

[Ilovepastafortea]

I'm lucky in that I've only had 2 miscarriages.

A friend of mine's DIL has now just had her 5th. Friend went to GP with her & was upset to see GP had pictures of their children & pictures obviously done by their children with annotations saying things like 'I love you daddy'.

This is all rather cute & lovely, but my friend thought rather insensitive when her DIL had recently lost a much wanted 5th PG. She also had concerns about women who are seeking fertility treatment - do they really need to be reminded how fertile their GP is?

We had a long discussion: we considered that on the plus side it shows that the GP is a family person with children & the inference is that they understand the problems of having a family. We considered that people who work in banks, in Boots, therapists, the supermarket, the Jobcentre could argue the same point. They don't display their children's photos.

I agree with her, family photos & personal pictures have no place in a GP's consulting room.

So AINBU thinking the family photos have no place in GP consulting rooms?

I’m sorry I have to disagree here. And I’m not sure what the ‘healthy’ part has to do with it? Would she be happier if they were unhealthy? I’m sorry Op but honestly, that’s not healthy!

She should probably avoid interacting with any woman for the rest of her life then. You know, incase they've had the gall to have children and she takes it as some kind of slight.

I understand why your DIL feels the way she does but unless you ban all pics then somebody could be triggered by any photo (graduations, pets, weddings, celebrations...) Would she have felt that way if she’d seen the GP while she was pregnant ?

I would imagine that the photos act as a pick me up when things are tough. The GP will be hearing stories about people in pain, struggling etc and powerless to help because of the waiting lists and the photos might help keep her going.

At any point did the GP state they'd never struggled with fertility problems and that all their children were biologically theirs? If so, then maybe I could understand she was a bit sensitive but families come in all shapes and sizes nowadays. There is no reason to assume that those children have been concieved naturally, are step children etc.
Also when working in a GP practice myself my DD's picture sometimes was the only thing that kept me going through the hellish days!

My fertility dr in a fertility clinic for women that had been trying for a year or had recurrent losses was heavily pregnant and spent half the appt with her hand on her bump. The hospital gyn dept even had a separate waiting area so we didn’t have to sit with all the pregnant patients, which more hospitals need to consider tbh as most don’t, but I couldn’t believe the dr hadn’t been reassigned to the pregnant patients.

I had to try really hard not to cry in the appt. I could not imagine how the patients there for losses felt.

But a GP service is completely different.

"Where do you draw the line, physios, dentists etc?"

It could be worse. My (generally wonderful) dental surgery redecorated and their designer hung a copy of Munch's 'The Scream' by the the reception desk. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

It is no longer there.

Short, sweet, says it all!

I’ll echo it

Oh FFS 🤦‍♀️

I’m a doctor but not a GP. I really wouldn’t want identifying pictures of my dc visible to my patients. If they are happy with it it’s up to them, not anyone else.

Huge overreaction.

This is so bizarre. They are human beings who want to be cheered up by family photos. They are not your medical slaves!

I think the objection due to infertility is over sensitive and a bit silly.

However, I question how sensible it is for a GP to share details of their private life to that extent. Some patients will ha e challenges and I wouldn’t necessary want my children's school/identity shared with them.

I think pictures at Disney indicate a need for the GP to check their privilege and be a little more self aware.

This is the way I’ve always seen it.

I don't/will never have children, probably never a partner either, and yet I would actually quite like it if the GP had photos on display. I was commenting to someone the other day that I found it hard to talk to my GP because there was nothing 'humanising' about her, somehow - she is totally by the book, impersonal, follows the protocols to the letter etc, and I know nothing about her. No idea if she's married, has children, walks her dog, plays tennis, likes music, nothing. Whereas other health care people I see, you find out random things via bits of small talk - not hugely personal, but just vague snippets often in response to what I say - I'm from another country, which comes up sometimes, and they might say they've been there or ask about it; or I do a hobby and they might express some interest or similiarity or whatever. Just tiny, not very outing details, but it makes them seem more human, and easier to talk to. And having things done by their children would be an example of that.

I agree this thinking is ridiculous. Should the gp also no walk incase he offends someone who is unable to use their legs?
Also, how do you know that his children aren’t also little miracles after a traumatic time. Or adopted. Or the gp has countless other situations where things may not be as perfect as is thought by the outside world.
I really feel for the lady who had the miscarriages but I don’t think that everyone she encounters from now on should be secretive about their children.

It's a reference to the Simpson's that became a meme. Homer has to give up his dream job to go back to work in the power plant because his wife is pregnant again. They put a plaque on his workstation to demoralise him. He covers most of the letters with pictures of his new baby to make it say "do it for her".
Clearly a niche reference!
The GP might benefit an emotional boost during the day.

The GP also has their qualifications on the wall. You don't have a medical qualification either, does that upset you? Should people keep their kids in their houses in case it upsets you. My friend died of cancer should people hide their friends. If someone goes into GP that has had an arm amputated should the GP hide one of their arms so not to offend.
Life doesn't work that way. Unfortunately your issue (or mine) are not a concern of many other people.

If I’d waited till I was 40 I’d not be able to have had children either, due to severe endometriosis. Did they start trying later? The fertility clinic I went to refused patients over 40 which I found interesting. It was a really strict cut off too, so 38 yes, 39 yes but 40 they would deny the referral. They had strict criteria for BMI too.

You have no idea how ‘fertile’ he is. Maybe they have experienced miscarriage? IVF? Adoption?
Was your SIL actually upset by it? Or has MIL got offended on her behalf?

We all have hard lives and different challenges its not fair to expect others to change their lives of be miserable for our benefit.

I agree it’s being very over sensitive. Some people don’t seem to see HCP’s as normal human beings with normal lives, it’s just a job. If anything the photos make the doctor seem more human. I’ve seen some patients get actually quite angry that they can’t see a particular HCP because they are on annual leave or it’s their day off on the day they want to come in…it’s like they think the HCP lives at work and does nothing else 😂

I can phone my drs at half 8 and have a phone call appointment by 10am, then if needed I go into the surgery! (I'm aware I'm very lucky in my area)

YABU. My daughter’s dad died when she was 10. She found him. She tried to do CPR. She has major trauma and PTSD. She does NOT expect no one else to talk about their Dads; nor does she stay in for 6 weeks before Father’s Day etc.

She understands that she is not the main character in anyone rise’s life.

Everything is raw when a loss is fresh so everything hurts but other people existing or having families is not about you or their fault. A GP isn't even really much to do with fertility (apart from referrals) and nothing to do with pregnancy/miscarriage.

Theres much worse things you have to constantly hurdle of an infertility journey.

I was told by a GP not to waste NHS time with a referral and to accept it wasn't going to happen and to just 'be happy I had at least got to experience being pregnant'.

I had a ultrasound tech I was paying a lot of money to do a fertility ultrasound tell me women are selfish for doing IVF.

I had a miscarriage nurse tell me don't be sad I bet you'll be pregnant again next month everyone falls pregnant again straight away... I'M INFERTILE (spoiler it took 3 more years and IVF to get pregnant).

It also always fun at your infertility appoints where you are repetitively told being infertile is not covered on the NHS because its a 'lifestyle choice' to have kids and to be put in a waiting room surrounded by abortion posters (apparently having sex and getting pregnant when you don't want kids is not a choice and totally covered on the NHS but having a medical condition thats no fault of your own is a 'life choice').

It suck but life goes on without you and other people cannot stop their kids existing and shouldn't have to hide it. Its a grief just like losing your mam and seeing someone else with theirs, but no one says people should hide having a mam etc...

Just something else for the terminally offended to be well, offended about.

I understand the point, but think you are being unreasonable- or your friend is.

There are reminders all around about things many people can't have in their lives or feel sad about.

Is your friend really trying to police how other people behave?

All I'd say is that some people who have family photos on their desks have them facing away from whoever is sitting opposite, partly to protect their own privacy.