GP displaying family photos, children's pictures dedicated to 'daddy' or 'mummy'

[Ilovepastafortea]

I'm lucky in that I've only had 2 miscarriages.

A friend of mine's DIL has now just had her 5th. Friend went to GP with her & was upset to see GP had pictures of their children & pictures obviously done by their children with annotations saying things like 'I love you daddy'.

This is all rather cute & lovely, but my friend thought rather insensitive when her DIL had recently lost a much wanted 5th PG. She also had concerns about women who are seeking fertility treatment - do they really need to be reminded how fertile their GP is?

We had a long discussion: we considered that on the plus side it shows that the GP is a family person with children & the inference is that they understand the problems of having a family. We considered that people who work in banks, in Boots, therapists, the supermarket, the Jobcentre could argue the same point. They don't display their children's photos.

I agree with her, family photos & personal pictures have no place in a GP's consulting room.

So AINBU thinking the family photos have no place in GP consulting rooms?

But that’s not the fault of the GP and their office is their personal workspace. Are we really at the stage of over sensitivity where we insist that people hide all evidence of being able to do something we can’t ? The GP isn’t rubbing this your friends’ face. Your friend is taking the fact that the GP displays photos of their own family far too personally and needs to get a grip.

And what if her doctor was pregnant? The real world is full of pregnant women and babies and frankly people proud of their families.

Are you okay 😂

It’s about context and environment
I’ve also worked in settings were furniture & chair & table were fixed to floor. Nothing that could be thrown or used as a weapon . No personalisation.In those settings it’s risk management and appropriate to environment.

GP surgery isn’t a blank slate and it’s not a secure setting and it is made
personal by staff

Why ? The GP doesn’t just treat infertility and miscarriage. Where do you draw the line ? I’m so sorry for your loss, but the rest of the world isn’t responsible for shielding you from things that may trigger the sense of grief at that loss.

where does it end?

should the gp not wear a wedding or engagement ring, in case someone visiting has recently lost their partner or had a marriage break up?

what if the GP is pregnant, should she not be allowed to come to work at all once she starts showing?

What if she mentions "if this doesn't work ring for a follow up appointment, but I'll be on maternity leave from next week so I'll put a note on for my colleague to explain what we've discussed." Is that insensitive rather than trying to be helpful?

Lots of professionals have their degree cert displayed, would that not be traumatising for someone who dropped out of uni or who has lost their job?

What if the GP has shaved hair because she's recovering from chemo and the patient is getting referred for a cancer scare/being given bad news?

Then you've got things like wearing a cross or star or headscarf. Could potentially be upsetting.

Are staff members chatting and laughing with each other, or saying 'Good morning, lovely day!' being potentially insensitive if someone has depression?

Ultimately, if your friend is so sensitive (and I'm trying to be sympathetic because fertility issues can feel all encompassing) that a few photos cause her that much distress, how is she managing to go out and about and live a normal life without breaking down in tears every time she sees parents and children interacting?

This

Must be a wind up.

The children could be adopted

Or through surrogacy

Or step children

(I’ve also experienced 12 yrs of infertility and it may have upset me on a bad day but not to the point where I would criticise the GP for having the pictures)

Everyone is allowed to feel how they want to feel but some feelings should be kept to themselves instead of expecting everyone else to change to suit one persons feelings

YABU.

Im sorry for all that you went through but just because you have had trouble conceiving doesn’t mean other people should have to hide their children away. What you’re going through is not other people’s fault.

I don't have or want children so most likely won't ever know the pain of infertility/miscarriage and my heart is with anyone experiencing that because it seems like hell. But gently, another way of looking at it could be that those GPs clearly love and cherish their children and understand how much being a parent means to some. They also may have experienced similar issues- lots of women have miscarriages.

I'm not a gp but I work long hours as well and there's plenty of nights where I leave in the morning and I don't see my child awake again until the next morning for 30 minutes before I'm out the door again. So yes I have photos of him on my desk and on my wall and a little of his artwork and it reminds me on the bad or heavy days that he is ultimately who I work for and I miss him during the day. People are not robots.

Obviously infertility (which I also struggled with) is extremely difficult, but it's just a shitty part of being dealt that hand, that you're faced with the thing you desperately want every day, all the time. But the idea that people should basically pretend they aren't parents is actually extremely entitled thinking. You have zero idea of that gps circumstances- perhaps they've also been through infertility and adopted their kids or had difficult and expensive invasive treatments - never mind how many MCs in between. Should female GPs not come to work when pregnant? What about the children you see with their parents in the waiting room? How far realistically do you take that?

Obviously she's in the thick of something awful and I do have massive sympathy for her and anyone else going through it and I understand it can be all consuming but part of moving through that grief is learning that this is something she will be confronted with repeatedly, and it absolutely sucks, but there comes a point where you've no choice but to find a place of acceptance with it. That takes a lot of time and support to do but I wouldn't be facilitating the notion that others need to hide parts of themselves, instead focus on how she's doing and where she's at.

True. My last boss could not have children herself but displayed photos of her neice and nephew on her desk.

You are wrong to assume the GP hasn't had fertility issues. My dd was conceived after a fertility battle, you would never know unless I told you.
My fertility clinic has a huge display board of pics babies they made. That could be more insensitive, given that failure is a more likely outcome of treatment.

I think is a her problem, i don’t see why at their desk they can’t have things from their children, how often are people going to be so upset by it? Your friend has to be in the world and see children

I recall when I was younger my family GP used to have pictures his patients drew pinned up on the walls. Made things much less scary for tiny me when I could colour a picture that he would have on the walls the next time I visited!

So sorry for both your losses. My GP has photos of her dc on display. Dh did too when he worked in an office. My dad did too, although I used to moan that his photo of me was very out of date. Even more so when he proudly displayed a photo of my newborn ds1 next to the one of me aged 12!

I think most people put photos of their dc up, unless they are working with people who are dangerous.

I'm a teacher and have family photos on my desk, I think it depends largely on the organisation and space, if you have a desk that is always yours and your organisation is OK with the personal touch, its fine.

A colleague of mine has a photo of his wife on his desk, he got so many questions about her from his year 12 tutor group that he brought her in to a tutor period to meet them, she incidentally is a GP.

Overly sensitive.

Imagine if they saw an actual family walking around outdoors....

I say this as the partner of a GP who has had stillbirths and miscarriages (and has photos of the kids in her office), people need to get back to accepting that real life does have painful moments, but coping with them is part of that.

I’m a GP; two of my GP colleagues, who have photos of their children in their rooms, suffered from subfertility. Requiring mutilple IVF courses. Another GP I worked with needed surrogacy due to abnormal anatomy of her uterus. Yes, she has photos in her room. GPs are still human and have all the struggles that every one else entails.

This reminds me of a similarly insane exchange I witnessed recently. A woman was told not to breastfeed in public - not because the complainer was offended by the nip, but because the complainer hadn’t been able to breastfeed and found it “triggering” to watch someone doing so successfully.
This modern fascination with hiding everything that might upset someone is bizarre.
Coming from someone who has had 3MCs.

Children are "everywhere" though. That's a fact of life.

Even if the GP had no trace of their own children in their consulting room your friends DIL could easily still have been upset by seeing toys and childrens books in the waiting room, most surgeries have some for kids to play with. She could have seen a heavily pregnant woman walking out after an appointment with the midwife, or a woman with a baby walking out just as she was walking in.
She could have overhead a crying child having their immunisation in the next consulting room. My GP surgery has posters featuring pregnant women and babies about the whooping cough vaccine. Perhaps they shouldn't be allowed either?

As somebody who's been through failed IVF attempts and now has an adopted dd you seriously need to get a grip. There is no malicious intent with these pictures. It's not fair or realistic to expect people to hide children and their own lived experiences from somebody because they can't have children. It's baffling that anyone could be so self-absorbed that they think otherwise

Ludicrous.

Every time she leaves the house she will see families and other evidence of people's "fertility".

Does she avoid her friend who gave children or are they offensive to her?

Bloody schools everywhere you go, full of children to upset her. Close them all!

Ridiculous.