GP displaying family photos, children's pictures dedicated to 'daddy' or 'mummy'

[Ilovepastafortea]

I'm lucky in that I've only had 2 miscarriages.

A friend of mine's DIL has now just had her 5th. Friend went to GP with her & was upset to see GP had pictures of their children & pictures obviously done by their children with annotations saying things like 'I love you daddy'.

This is all rather cute & lovely, but my friend thought rather insensitive when her DIL had recently lost a much wanted 5th PG. She also had concerns about women who are seeking fertility treatment - do they really need to be reminded how fertile their GP is?

We had a long discussion: we considered that on the plus side it shows that the GP is a family person with children & the inference is that they understand the problems of having a family. We considered that people who work in banks, in Boots, therapists, the supermarket, the Jobcentre could argue the same point. They don't display their children's photos.

I agree with her, family photos & personal pictures have no place in a GP's consulting room.

So AINBU thinking the family photos have no place in GP consulting rooms?

I think your friends DIL is focusing on it because that's what she wants. When I was TTC everyone seemed to be pregnant and it hurts. I do think its an unreasonable request for GP not to have photos etc up. They are human and lije everyone are proud of their children and you friend if/when they have children would probably do the same

6 miscarriages and one ectopic. No successful pregnancies. Nothing worse than people being offended secondhand. It doesn’t upset me to see children, pictures of children, etc. and I hate it when people assume I must be offended or they have to feel offended for me. Especially when you don’t know the GP’s story - there might be a huge tale of struggle behind those photos and drawings. If your “friend’s DIL” is offended, she can see another doctor, I’m sure. She doesn’t need other people posting about it on a public site and deciding that she has to find it upsetting.

You are being incredibly unreasonable.

So according to you, because one person has a personal tragedy that means the entire world has to hide the joy in their lives? So no one can have family photos in the office (because some people struggle with fertility).

Would that mean that no one should wear their wedding ring (because some people have lost their spouses), or celebrate a birthday (because some people might be dying and won't reach their next birthday), or mention their holiday plans (because some people can't afford holidays), or talk about the lovely meal they cooked (because some people have allergies and wouldn't be able to eat it).

Honestly, where on earth would you draw the line?

I'm sorry for your losses Weary. And yet, in spite of them, your post is considered and absolute common sense - as always. 🤗

Thank you. That's very kind.

Get a bloody grip. Talk about making everything about you.

My best friends Dad died horribly and unexpectedly. Should I stop ever mentioning I have a dad or post pictures of him on social media?

We always make sure we talk about him when she needs and try to remember him appropriately, considering her feelings. Pretending mine doesn’t exist is no solution to her grief.

I tend to agree. I’ve never worked anywhere where personal photos would be allowed. I’m quite surprised that a GP is allowed to show photos.

I can see YPOV OP. Professional environments (and I work in NHS) should be void of personal photos/pictures in patient areas

No I’m completely in agreement with you (see my earlier posts). I just wondered how this played out in real life, as it were, and if it is actually a practical issue for pregnant GPs.

Erm, it's not a fertility specialist/fertility clinic? Sorry OP, this is totally unreasonable. People go to GPs with all sorts of reasons. Anything might trigger someone. Someone with a chronic illness who can't travel could be triggered by seeing holiday photos. And a whole host of other things.

Having lost a child I think this is insensitive

This is what I'm thinking, honestly. I'm in a wheelchair. I can't live life being upset at all the walking people. It's life, and sometimes it's painful and difficult. But we still have to live it.

I suffered from infertility for 10.5 years including various IVF cycles. I know how hard it is but,in the kindest way, I think you are being too sensitive. There is not a finite supply of babies ie that someone having theirs does not reduce your chance of having yours. I would be more than pleased to have a GP who.obviously valued children and families by having phots of his in his surgery. The photos probably also help offset a little the stress of his job.

Since you don’t know the gps fertility story you are being very judgey OP. They might have had miscarriages and false alarms until achieving their successful pregnancies. It could be that they have a positive story to tell to women
who are struggling.

Seems a very odd thing to comment about or even think about. I never feel resentment to others because they can have something I can’t, be that a child, husband, nice holiday or a nice house. It’s ok to be happy for others and not feel resentment?

Yes, but this is more than that. OP's trying to decide that the GP shouldn't be allowed to have family photos displayed. You can be sensitive all you like, but you can't control other people.

As someone who suffers with unexplained infertility, has gone through various rounds of IVF and miscarriages I think you are being largely unreasonable.
although it’s awful what myself and many others go through it absolutely never takes away from other people and their family lives and experiences

I have had ten miscarriages. When I was a teacher I didn't think it was insensitive that the parents were flaunting their fertility.

You also have no idea whether the GP hasn't had losses.

Even if I got upset by it due to infertility or miscarriage, I wouldn't expect the GP to take down photos of cards just in case a patient like me did get upset. There are images of kids everywhere, it's not nice in that situation but you can't expect other people to change for you.

If images of children trigger you that much, how do you cope in the real world? In the kindest way possible: the world doesn’t revolve around you/ your needs. The doctor isn’t doing this to personally upset anyone.

Lots of people display family pictures at work. It’s very normal.

I think some therapy would help here.

Your DIL needs to get serious grip. I actually feel quite angry at her complete lack of empathy and self centered thinking.

MY GP had loads of family photos and pics (which I always thought was lovely). While I was seeing him for my second miscarriage (so yeah I know what it’s like) he was the most empathetic amazing human ever and shared with me (after a lovely chat) that he was sorry and knew the pain. I asked him if his wife had had one and he said yes, she has had 14. Let that sink in - FOURTEEN. So frankly I was delighted to see pics of his kids after so much awful fertility issues. Your DIL in her selfish head and yeah I get how hard it is) has no idea the story of her GP or anyone else.

There are always going to be pregnant people and children and constant reminders but to even think her GP was being insensitive is beyond the pale.

I’m afraid you’re being totally unreasonable? GP can have the consultation room how they wish. So long as it’s safe,clean and adhere to clinic room standards. You know what,we are staff we are also parents,siblings,aunties,and it is wholly individual choice how one work environment is.

My dentist has loads of family photos and memorabilia
My GP has lots of family photos & memorabilia too
It has no impact upon their clinical skills or they shouldn’t be expected to have a ceramic white room with no personalisation on off chance someone is offended

Your arguement of sensitivity means that the posters on the board/wall in my (and most I'm assuming) GPs waiting room would need to go too. They have things for/about pregnancy, new parents, bereavement, counselling. Posters of happy pregnant ladies advertising services and information, an elderly couple promoting something else, a baby on another.

GPs and service providers who work in GP offices will have some incredibly awful days, meeting people at a low point. If these things help them get through the tougher times, let them be.

Wouldn’t bother me and I miscarried my much wanted IVF pregnancy in May. But I can see why it would bother others.