Was I unreasonable to say no?

[Thefourth]

Christmas allocation was sent out last week. We have to have it so early because we need to plan the out reach around it. For first time in 5 years I have Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day & NYD off. Im Working nye. We’re going to go away. We dont have children but that’s because I’m infertile it’s not because we don’t want them.

Usually I pick up extra but this year I thought fuck it, no I want to have it all off. So I requested it off and in the comments I pointed out I have covered their Christmas shifts & done my own for 5 years.

I have been massively guilty of tripped by 3 colleagues who have said I must pick up their Christmas shifts because they have children and I don’t. One of them said that I was deceitful by not telling them I wanted it all off because as she assumed I would cover it all she hadn’t asked for any of it off.

Another one has gone to our manager and demanded that he make me work it and give them my days off. He asked me to consider taking some of their shifts and I said if he asks me again I will quit.

For the last 5 years I have had off the 29th-30th December and then take my ‘Christmas leave’ in January.

Their children are 11,5,9,15,18 & 21 respectively if it changes anyone’s opinion.

the atmosphere is awful

This!

I was with you 100% until you offered your reason for not having children as of that made you more worthy, as if there is a hierarchy (the very hierarchy you are apparently rebelling against).

Every member of staff deserves time off - no one (regardless of children, children’s ages, fertility, marital status, etc etc) deserves to enjoy Christmas.

you are being unreasonable for being a hypocrite

Been there. People who have children and expect 'the childless' to consistently sacrifice their rights to the same holidays so the birthers can have the time off is age old. Any 'child beyond the age of early teens shouldn't count in this equation as far as I'm concerned.

It was their decision to have children why should you pay for their life choices and decisions? You shouldn't. You have as much right to this time off as them. I also realised that no matter how much you go out of your way to bank some good will it is quickly and conveniently forgotten as their needs will always supercede yours. Be warned though they won't ever forget your 'selfishness', (....while simultaneously ignoring their own.)

Take your rightly due holidays, if they didn't request it, that is not your problem. Have a good time.

YANBU! Your colleagues are bonkers. Stick to your guns!

Agree. As someone who has children i agree that that was my choice and if my chosen profession meant I had to work over holidays (it doesnt btw) I would absolutely accept it.

I grew up with my father working holidays. It was his busiest time (Easter, Christmas)

It's a workplace. Your personal circumstances should be by the side. Like every other family in an industry that requires it they have to bend and adapt and accept it.

It's your turn.

Please OP DO NOT give in to them.

Expect sickness absence from them. Do not cover. Do not discuss the Christmas period with them. Leave the room or say you are being harassed in the workplace/being discriminated against because you don't have children. If you were Muslim/Jewish and didn't celebrate Christmas would they be saying that to you

You may not have DCs but you have family. Why should you never have Christmas and NY off?

YANBU

Tell them both to

F U C K O F F

but perhaps not quite as directly as I would 🤣

They chose jobs that mean they might/ should work the festive period. You didforce them into their jobs. Thanks to you they have swerved doing that shift for 5 years. They should he saying "thanks for the last 5 years, your turn is well overdue. Hope you enjoy your break."

Sorry you are in this shitty atmosphere OP. You have been really decent and they are taking you for granted.

It is just life that you come across narcissists and difficult neighbours (noisy etc) or at least know of someone who does. People who have never encountered any of life’s challenges are either very sheltered or living in Cloud cuckoo land, possibly in a cult.

Edited to say that I have thought of another reason that someone may not have experienced any of this: they might be the perpetrator at the centre of all these difficult incidents.

YANBU at all. I don’t understand how one person getting these days off ruins 3 other peoples Christmas’s though

tell them to get stuffed, don’t explain yourself, you don’t need to do that
and if your still there next ear don’t do it next year either as you’ve done 5 !

@Bellyblueboy "I was with you 100% until you offered your reason for not having children as of(sic) that made you more worthy, as if there is a hierarchy (the very hierarchy you are apparently rebelling against)." That's your interpretation of why OP wrote she was infertile (rather than she didn't want children) but you can't possibly know this was her motivation. My reading of it (apart from thinking it was irrelevant) was because OP likely expected users on a forum called MUMSnet to call her selfish for not giving way to her mum colleagues' demands, so she wanted to make clear that her childlessness isn't out of choice to head off any insensitive comments (had she revealed this later, people would have accused her of drip-feeding). Fortunately, with one exception (you) every response, from mums and childless women alike, has been totally supportive of OP (and as a childless woman myself, I'm heartened to see this).
@Thefourth OP, I'm wondering if I'm the only one here hoping at least one of the CFs reads this thread and sees the absolute roasting they're getting for their sense of entitlement! 😂😂😂

This!

And YANBU!

Well that’s bullying and should be reported to HR. Relations are shit anyway so why not go nuclear? They should not be bullying you because you had the foresight to book Christmas off. You’ve done enough of them the last 5 years!

Your manager needs a backbone too.

Sorry referred to wrong post but I mean the one saying you ruined Christmas!! They’re batshit 🤣

Sounds like you’re being bullied. And also have shit management.

Yes. The way I read it op was just telling us about HER situation. She wasn’t speaking for or passing judgement on other child free women.

I can’t get over how deranged this colleague is

One of them said that I was deceitful by not telling them I wanted it all off because as she assumed I would cover it all she hadn’t asked for any of it off.

You’ve not had it off in 5 years. Do not let them guilt trip you.

Honestly I’d be tempted to tell them you’ll never be covering their Christmas shifts again after this!

Doesn’t change a thing. You’re every bit as entitled to the time of as colleagues with children. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, and for those that ‘assumed’ you’d pick up the extra days - that’s their problem! We all know was assuming does!

I will be on an on call rota before Christmas. The Christmas rota is slightly different and I prob won’t have to do Christmas Eve, day or Boxing Day. Will go along with it if I have to tho as that’s the job I signed up for.
my 50th is just before Christmas and I know if that is my on call shift- Christmas parties mean people might not swap even tho they would any other time. Again I will suck it up if necessary. Funny as I never got to celebrate my 30th and 40th for various reasons!
stick to your guns. You have done enough. People who work in roles that require Christmas shifts have to deal with it- and you have covered enough in 5 years.

Point out you did it for 5 years and due to their behaviour you will not be volunteering again and will be asking for fair time off. They haven’t appreciated you doing this for 5 years and now expect it.

My dad worked a 24/365 job. We just celebrated around his shifts, day shift we’d get up early to open presents then have dinner once he cane home. Back shift-we’d get up open present then have a lunch before my dad went to work in the afternoon. Night shift, we’d open present when my Dad can’t home in the morning, when he got up at dinner we’d have Christmas dinner. It was just about moving some elements about. If he was off it was just a normal Christmas.

I think you really deserve to have all those days off considering how much you've taken on for the last 5 years. They don't deserve to take it off anymore than you even if you were without children by choice. They chose the profession they went into which requires Christmas cover and leave should be shared out fairly, seems fair to me that doing more than your fair share for the last 5 years, some of this debt would be repaid.

Oof it’s really a case of “don’t hate the player, hate the game”. They are definitely directing their anger at the wrong person! Especially as you’ve “done your time” so to speak. Where is your boss/management in all of this?