AIBU to consider ending a lifelong friendship over this?

[TheNavySwan]

Need some outside perspective because I feel like I’m going mad.
Bit of a long one — thanks in advance if you read this.

So I’m currently debating whether to stay friends with my lifelong best friend (we’ll call her Sarah) after I feel like she’s totally stabbed me in the back.

Basically, there’s another girl (Beth) — someone I’ve known since we were actual babies — who recently got married. Sarah only knows Beth through me. They’ve never been close on their own, barely know each other. I was originally asked to be Beth’s maid of honour, and I accepted.

But at the time, I was dealing with a lot — uni stress, a horrible breakup with a manipulative ex, moving home, and some mental health stuff. I got overwhelmed and told Beth I couldn’t do it anymore. Not proud of it, but I was in a really bad place and not thinking clearly (my ex had a lot to do with that).

In a bit of a panic, Beth then asked Sarah to be her maid of honour instead. Sarah accepted (which I kind of understand, since she was put on the spot). Later on, I broke things off with my ex and started to feel more like myself again, and I reached out to Beth to explain the situation and told her I regretted stepping down.

Beth then offered for me to be a bridesmaid instead, but after a bit of back and forth, we ended up agreeing to share the maid/matron of honour role — since Sarah is married and I’m not. So at that point, all seemed okay again.

Fast forward — time goes on, and neither Sarah nor I actually help Beth with any wedding stuff. Sarah just had a baby, so she’s been busy, and I’ve still been trying to get my life back on track. So we were kind of in the same boat. But then, out of nowhere, Beth sends me this nasty message saying she doesn’t want me at her wedding anymore because I’ve not helped at all. And I’m thinking — okay, but Sarah hasn’t either, yet you’re still best mates with her? Why single me out?

Anyway. The plot thickens.

Turns out, Beth has apparently been lying about her nan being dead for SIX YEARS. I only found this out recently after our mums bumped into each other at the shops, and Beth’s mum let it slip that the nan was very much alive up until 5 days ago. I mean — who lies about that? It’s beyond weird and really rubbed Sarah the wrong way too, especially since she lost her own nan a few years back and was genuinely hurt.

At one point, Sarah even said she wasn’t sure if she was going to the wedding anymore after hearing about all the lies.

But then the wedding comes around and guess what? Sarah still goes. After all that, she still chose to show up and celebrate someone who had been awful to me and who’s clearly not honest or genuine. It feels like a massive betrayal.

Now I’m left feeling like maybe this is a sign from God and He is removing toxic people from my life for a reason. I recently found out I’m pregnant, and honestly, I just don’t want all this drama in my life anymore. I’m trying to protect my peace and do what’s best for me and my baby.

So AIBU to seriously consider cutting off Sarah for still choosing to be friends with Beth and going to the wedding, despite everything?

If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading!

Appreciate any honest thoughts.

This all sounds very immature and dramatic. What are you actually asking here? Is it should you stop being friends with Beth because she went to Sarah's wedding after telling you she was upset with Sarah?
If that is it, I wouldn't end a friendship for that reason, but you can end one for any reason at all.

Usually when someone puts up their side of the story, then it's slanted to put themselves in a fairly positive light. But I tend to agree with this.

As far as Sarah not helping with the wedding - you've just said she's just had a baby! Sarah's lack of help is completely understandable. And maybe they've actually had a conversation about it - it sounds like you haven't.

I'm not sure that the drama here is all one-sided tbh.

None of you sound very mature and this sounds very much like playground squabbles typical of teenage girls. I suggest this friendship group disbands and you all grow up.

An undead nan is something quite different to a nan that remains alive

You sound narcissistic, it’s all about you. A sign from God? Yeah, cause that’s what would bother any God, your toxic friendship group and need to control and be a victim.

I'd be interested to hear Beth and Sarah's versions of this story

Sarah may well have agreed to be MOH
but told the bride that due to baby she couldn’t commit to helping with arrangements etc which is fair enough. You pushed to be reinstated so I would have expected you to make more effort since it appeared it was super important to you

I don't think any one of the three of you comes out of this looking great. First you drop out of being matron of honour. Then you agree to be bridesmaid but don't give any help. Beth and her nan is none of your business. She might have two nans. Move on and develop new friendships and try to look at on how your behaviour has negatively impacted friendships.

Can't see what Sarah has done anything much wrong either.

You were a poor friend to beth
beth is odd to say her nan died. Did you ask her why?
sarah can do what she wants you don’t get to tell her who to be friends with and being friends with Beth is not a betrayal to you as Beth hasn’t betrayed you she just told a weird lie.

you should not end your friendship with Sarah she should probably end hers with you though.

Sarah didn’t drop out to start with- you’d think recommitting to come with a long friendship behind you like that would be committing, but no you were still shit. I can see why she was mad. This is an everyone get over it scenario - you were shit, so stop being mad at other people for having been shit too and get over it.

😅

Congratulations on your pregnancy.
Cut them off you don't need this drama life is too short, you will find other friends with similar interests once you have had your baby.
If they reach out to you then talk at arms length, but I personally wouldn't pursue either friendship.

Is Netmums still a Thing?

I was going to say the same. This sounds like yr9 stuff.

If I was Beth I’d be binning you as a mate, and I’m not really sure what Sarah has done to upset you other than go to the wedding.

Just step away from it all and concentrate on your pregnancy. That sounds like enough drama in itself, if you are freshly out of an abusive relationship.

I think, cut them both off and let them have their friendship in peace and without all the drama you bring. You are the unreliable one here who messes people about and it's clear you try to control them. They will be just fine as friends, I'm sure.

If somebody lied to me about their granny being dead I would think it was a bit odd and then not think about it again.
Because it has no effect on my life and I didn't know their granny.
I certainly wouldn't be having performative hysterics about it.

Also, whether or not another person attends a wedding is none of your business.

It seems to me that you are a shit friend , control freak and drama llama using grannygate to justify your behavior.

All this wedding stuff is nonsense. Millions of people get married without "Matrons of Honour" or even bridesmaids. They organise it themselves. It's all got very silly and I think you should take yourself out of it all.

If you are really going to become a mother, you need to grow up fast.

It all sound very immature and petty teenage squabble.

Sarah didn’t do anything to help either… just felt singled out
Honestly, you are not 12 yo, this is ridiculous.

This

and I wouldn’t expect a friend to get involved in a private dispute between me and someone else

Eh???

Why not just talk to your best friend?

It's happened now and there's nothing you can do about it. I certainly wouldn't go nuclear on Sarah. Sounds like you are going through the mill at the moment Op so probably not a good idea to be culling friends.

The thing that stands out to me is that you make a big point about how Sarah only knows Beth through you. I could be wrong, but I wonder if a lot of the way you’re feeling is that you’re resentful of your two long term best friends having a friendship independently from you.

While it was understandable that you removed yourself from the wedding party while you were going through a difficult time, would you have been so keen to reassert your position as MOH if Beth had asked someone other than Sarah? Again I could be wrong but it sounds like a little bit of jealousy. The way you talk about them continuing their friendship as a betrayal also suggests that you have an issue with it not because of how you feel Beth treated you, but because they have a friendship without you involved at all.

My advice would be to be honest with yourself about why you feel this way - you don’t have to tell us, but at least be honest with yourself. Then, when you’ve worked out the root cause of your feelings, you can decide whether these friendships still work for you or if you need to move on. But if you do want the friendships, be aware that they may have had second thoughts about continuing their friendships with you, and you might have a bit of work to do to rebuild them.