Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to consider ending a lifelong friendship over this?

252 replies

TheNavySwan · 22/06/2025 07:43

Need some outside perspective because I feel like I’m going mad.
Bit of a long one — thanks in advance if you read this.

So I’m currently debating whether to stay friends with my lifelong best friend (we’ll call her Sarah) after I feel like she’s totally stabbed me in the back.

Basically, there’s another girl (Beth) — someone I’ve known since we were actual babies — who recently got married. Sarah only knows Beth through me. They’ve never been close on their own, barely know each other. I was originally asked to be Beth’s maid of honour, and I accepted.

But at the time, I was dealing with a lot — uni stress, a horrible breakup with a manipulative ex, moving home, and some mental health stuff. I got overwhelmed and told Beth I couldn’t do it anymore. Not proud of it, but I was in a really bad place and not thinking clearly (my ex had a lot to do with that).

In a bit of a panic, Beth then asked Sarah to be her maid of honour instead. Sarah accepted (which I kind of understand, since she was put on the spot). Later on, I broke things off with my ex and started to feel more like myself again, and I reached out to Beth to explain the situation and told her I regretted stepping down.

Beth then offered for me to be a bridesmaid instead, but after a bit of back and forth, we ended up agreeing to share the maid/matron of honour role — since Sarah is married and I’m not. So at that point, all seemed okay again.

Fast forward — time goes on, and neither Sarah nor I actually help Beth with any wedding stuff. Sarah just had a baby, so she’s been busy, and I’ve still been trying to get my life back on track. So we were kind of in the same boat. But then, out of nowhere, Beth sends me this nasty message saying she doesn’t want me at her wedding anymore because I’ve not helped at all. And I’m thinking — okay, but Sarah hasn’t either, yet you’re still best mates with her? Why single me out?

Anyway. The plot thickens.

Turns out, Beth has apparently been lying about her nan being dead for SIX YEARS. I only found this out recently after our mums bumped into each other at the shops, and Beth’s mum let it slip that the nan was very much alive up until 5 days ago. I mean — who lies about that? It’s beyond weird and really rubbed Sarah the wrong way too, especially since she lost her own nan a few years back and was genuinely hurt.

At one point, Sarah even said she wasn’t sure if she was going to the wedding anymore after hearing about all the lies.

But then the wedding comes around and guess what? Sarah still goes. After all that, she still chose to show up and celebrate someone who had been awful to me and who’s clearly not honest or genuine. It feels like a massive betrayal.

Now I’m left feeling like maybe this is a sign from God and He is removing toxic people from my life for a reason. I recently found out I’m pregnant, and honestly, I just don’t want all this drama in my life anymore. I’m trying to protect my peace and do what’s best for me and my baby.

So AIBU to seriously consider cutting off Sarah for still choosing to be friends with Beth and going to the wedding, despite everything?

If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading!

Appreciate any honest thoughts.

OP posts:
therealtrunchbull · 22/06/2025 08:17

Confuuzed · 22/06/2025 08:13

So she asked you to be maid of honor at her wedding, you flaked out, you went back and she agreed to give you another chance at proving you're her friend, you flaked out again by not showing an interest and then you didn't even attend her wedding?

I'm not surprised she's done with you. She's allowed to set boundaries.

I'm not sure what the dead/not dead nan has to do with anything.

Edited

I know! OP, your behaviour is outrageous!

MuckFusk · 22/06/2025 08:17

TheNavySwan · 22/06/2025 08:05

Theres only so much I can explain over writing but if thats what you think then fair enough😂 I’d forgotten to include parts of the nasty things that Beth has done to me. Did you read the part where Sarah didn’t do anything to help either… just felt singled out, and until life has hit you hard and you’ve been in a narcisistic relationship and been manipulated you wouldn’t really understand fully.

It's completely Beth's fault that you were singled out and treated badly. It has nothing to do with Sarah. I think it was noble of her to decide not to ruin a wedding just because Beth was being a bitch. Weddings can be stressful and it sounds like Beth became a Bridezilla. The lying thing is another matter entirely. It could indicate a metal health problem actually.

SunnySideDeepDown · 22/06/2025 08:17

Why did you do nothing for her wedding though? You messed her around deciding what you could or couldn’t do, then did fuck all?

Take responsibility for your actions; Sarah’s actions are irrelevant. Beth chose Sarah because she didn’t have anyone else. You were the “real” maid of honour and you didn’t step up for Beth, twice.

You were a bad friend and this is the result. Blaming Beth and Sarah is immature.

milesmachine · 22/06/2025 08:18

And I can’t see where anyone has ‘stabbed you in the back’? (Which in itself is a very teenage phrase)

bigboykitty · 22/06/2025 08:18

I'd say you all bring out the worst in each other OP. To be honest, you've behaved terribly and the idea that you have the moral highground here is laughable.

ButterBites · 22/06/2025 08:18

Confuuzed · 22/06/2025 08:13

So she asked you to be maid of honor at her wedding, you flaked out, you went back and she agreed to give you another chance at proving you're her friend, you flaked out again by not showing an interest and then you didn't even attend her wedding?

I'm not surprised she's done with you. She's allowed to set boundaries.

I'm not sure what the dead/not dead nan has to do with anything.

Edited

This stands out to me. You stopped being MOH which is understandable when you had everything going on, but then had the audacity to ask to be involved again, and then you let her down, yet again.

And you wanted Sarah to act the same as you and not go to the wedding? That is really bitchy and toxic.

Somewhat81 · 22/06/2025 08:19

Sounds like she has got in before you and already cut you off

What a sorry tale of drama and all round unpleasantness

GRex · 22/06/2025 08:20

I think you got confused about the "Nan" thing as most people have 2. Some supplement that with great-grandparents, step-grandparents, close older adults who got called Nan for some reason etc. I also don't think any fall-out with Beth is anything to do with Sarah, and knowing someone longer is not a reason for you to get top trumps over any wedding role.

What would be helpful would be for you to explain what you said about dead Nan, and to whom. Your own behaviour may have more to do with Beth uninviting you than you seem to be acknowledging.

OhCalmTheFuckDownBarbara · 22/06/2025 08:21

Maybe as it was you she originally asked before all the back and forth with the other friend, that's why she's more annoyed at you. She doesn't blame the other friend because it wasn't her that was originally asked.

Somewhat81 · 22/06/2025 08:22

TheNavySwan · 22/06/2025 08:05

Theres only so much I can explain over writing but if thats what you think then fair enough😂 I’d forgotten to include parts of the nasty things that Beth has done to me. Did you read the part where Sarah didn’t do anything to help either… just felt singled out, and until life has hit you hard and you’ve been in a narcisistic relationship and been manipulated you wouldn’t really understand fully.

Oh op don’t make out this is anything more than a spat between 3 equally immature and unpleasant adults

SparklyGlitterballs · 22/06/2025 08:23

Well, you have messed Beth about a bit, dropping out from MOH role, then begging for it back and subsequently not helping. Why did you want the role back if you're too busy to contribute? Were you jealous that she gave the role to Sarah? Bit odd that Beth would appoint Sarah as MOH if she barely knows her. Does Beth not have many close friends?

I'd probably move on from Beth now. Maybe it was just wedding stress that made her have a go at you. She obviously expected much more from a life long best friend and may come to regret her actions. The lie (sounds like one lie, not 'all the lies'?) about her Nan is weird, but would need to understand what was behind that before passing judgement.

I don't think Sarah has done anything bad enough to warrant being cut out of your life though. You say it was only recently you found out about the lie, so I can understand her not wanting to drop out of an important role with the wedding imminent. Good on her for being able to put her disappointment aside and continue with her responsibilities.

pinkdelight · 22/06/2025 08:23

MuckFusk · 22/06/2025 08:17

It's completely Beth's fault that you were singled out and treated badly. It has nothing to do with Sarah. I think it was noble of her to decide not to ruin a wedding just because Beth was being a bitch. Weddings can be stressful and it sounds like Beth became a Bridezilla. The lying thing is another matter entirely. It could indicate a metal health problem actually.

Show quote history

I don’t think it’s really bridezilla when your MoH drops out, so you sort a back up, then she wants back in, so you sort that out, then she does nothing and her only defence is ‘the other MoH who stepped up when I was flaky and made room when I was flaky again, and has just had a baby, did nothing too so fall out with her too and then you’ll have no MoH’. I’m no fan of nutty brides, but I can see why Beth reached her limit and did what she did here.

MoistVonL · 22/06/2025 08:24

I don’t think Sarah did anything wrong.

MuckFusk · 22/06/2025 08:25

SunnySideDeepDown · 22/06/2025 08:17

Why did you do nothing for her wedding though? You messed her around deciding what you could or couldn’t do, then did fuck all?

Take responsibility for your actions; Sarah’s actions are irrelevant. Beth chose Sarah because she didn’t have anyone else. You were the “real” maid of honour and you didn’t step up for Beth, twice.

You were a bad friend and this is the result. Blaming Beth and Sarah is immature.

Is the maid of honour required to do anything other than buy an ugly dress chosen by the bride, show up on the wedding day, and be emotionally supportive as the bride rants about how stressful the planning is? Serious question because I don't actually know the etiquette. I've been a bridesmaid and thankfully I didn't have to do more than that. Isn't the maid of honour just sort of the head bridesmaid? I thought it was just an honorary role.

fairyjenni · 22/06/2025 08:25

TheNavySwan · 22/06/2025 07:43

Need some outside perspective because I feel like I’m going mad.
Bit of a long one — thanks in advance if you read this.

So I’m currently debating whether to stay friends with my lifelong best friend (we’ll call her Sarah) after I feel like she’s totally stabbed me in the back.

Basically, there’s another girl (Beth) — someone I’ve known since we were actual babies — who recently got married. Sarah only knows Beth through me. They’ve never been close on their own, barely know each other. I was originally asked to be Beth’s maid of honour, and I accepted.

But at the time, I was dealing with a lot — uni stress, a horrible breakup with a manipulative ex, moving home, and some mental health stuff. I got overwhelmed and told Beth I couldn’t do it anymore. Not proud of it, but I was in a really bad place and not thinking clearly (my ex had a lot to do with that).

In a bit of a panic, Beth then asked Sarah to be her maid of honour instead. Sarah accepted (which I kind of understand, since she was put on the spot). Later on, I broke things off with my ex and started to feel more like myself again, and I reached out to Beth to explain the situation and told her I regretted stepping down.

Beth then offered for me to be a bridesmaid instead, but after a bit of back and forth, we ended up agreeing to share the maid/matron of honour role — since Sarah is married and I’m not. So at that point, all seemed okay again.

Fast forward — time goes on, and neither Sarah nor I actually help Beth with any wedding stuff. Sarah just had a baby, so she’s been busy, and I’ve still been trying to get my life back on track. So we were kind of in the same boat. But then, out of nowhere, Beth sends me this nasty message saying she doesn’t want me at her wedding anymore because I’ve not helped at all. And I’m thinking — okay, but Sarah hasn’t either, yet you’re still best mates with her? Why single me out?

Anyway. The plot thickens.

Turns out, Beth has apparently been lying about her nan being dead for SIX YEARS. I only found this out recently after our mums bumped into each other at the shops, and Beth’s mum let it slip that the nan was very much alive up until 5 days ago. I mean — who lies about that? It’s beyond weird and really rubbed Sarah the wrong way too, especially since she lost her own nan a few years back and was genuinely hurt.

At one point, Sarah even said she wasn’t sure if she was going to the wedding anymore after hearing about all the lies.

But then the wedding comes around and guess what? Sarah still goes. After all that, she still chose to show up and celebrate someone who had been awful to me and who’s clearly not honest or genuine. It feels like a massive betrayal.

Now I’m left feeling like maybe this is a sign from God and He is removing toxic people from my life for a reason. I recently found out I’m pregnant, and honestly, I just don’t want all this drama in my life anymore. I’m trying to protect my peace and do what’s best for me and my baby.

So AIBU to seriously consider cutting off Sarah for still choosing to be friends with Beth and going to the wedding, despite everything?

If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading!

Appreciate any honest thoughts.

Hi hope you are ok ,, I dont think you are being unreasonable at all , , your friends are the ones being unreasonable in my opinion , you have said you were not in a good place with things in your personal life and they should have been supportive and try to help you when you needed it most ,,
And as for her lying about her nan ,, that dont sit rite with me ,, as you said , what & why would someone lie about that ,
She is rhe one in the wrong & your other " friend" ... to think that is acceptable...

....if I was you I would feel same. U are not being unreasonable, ,
You dont need so called friends that have treated you this way ,
You do what you feel is right for you ,, Hope. U have support from other friends & family ...
U dont need toxic people in your life xx

Take care hun xxx

ButterBites · 22/06/2025 08:26

Somewhat81 · 22/06/2025 08:22

Oh op don’t make out this is anything more than a spat between 3 equally immature and unpleasant adults

Show quote history

Still can’t see what Sarah has done for her to be called immature and unpleasant.

My19thNervousNameChange · 22/06/2025 08:27

@fairyjenni You really didn't need to quote the OP. We've seen that. Also: 'hun'.

Just no.

HTH

Jackiepumpkinhead · 22/06/2025 08:27

The weirdest part of this story is the fact Beth asked Sarah to be her MOH. According to you, they barely know each other? And why did you want to be a bridesmaid again, when you did nothing to help the bride. Very odd.

MuckFusk · 22/06/2025 08:28

pinkdelight · 22/06/2025 08:23

I don’t think it’s really bridezilla when your MoH drops out, so you sort a back up, then she wants back in, so you sort that out, then she does nothing and her only defence is ‘the other MoH who stepped up when I was flaky and made room when I was flaky again, and has just had a baby, did nothing too so fall out with her too and then you’ll have no MoH’. I’m no fan of nutty brides, but I can see why Beth reached her limit and did what she did here.

Show quote history

Right, it's only bridezilla if she was as nasty about it as OP says, which is by no means guaranteed. OP seems to have a tendency to be too reactive.

PluckyChancer · 22/06/2025 08:28

I don’t think you're mature enough to be a parent just yet as you seem to be fixated on everything being a drama with you in the centre.

Why do you demand everyone conforms to your simplistic ideals of being right or wrong? I’d expect this way of thinking from a 12yr old girl but not an adult woman.

So what if Beth pretends her nan is dead? How does it actually affect you?
Other people don’t owe you their bare soul no matter what you've done to support them in the past.

Allow your friends to live their lives as they see fit and focus on how to be more content with your own life, regardless of what’s going on around you.

Blueballoon02 · 22/06/2025 08:28

OP it sounds like you all bring out the worst in each other, and it is probably for the best if you go separate ways.

I’m sorry you were dealing with a lot in your life but I personally feel like pulling out of being your childhood friends maid of honour was a bad move on your part. You can go through rough times but you still show up for your best friends on their happy occasions. You then obviously thought about it and asked to have your job title back - then proceeded to do nothing about it and might as well of just been a guest. I think Beth was kind to let you back into the wedding party after you hurt her by pulling out, then you let her down.

Sarah imo had reasons to not be around for wedding plans, as she had just had a baby.

Beth was unreasonable for being nasty to you and it sounds like there’s been a few times where she has been rude to you. I do understand why she spoke to you about your non effort into the wedding seeing as you wanted to be maid of honour again.

I think Sarah has done the right thing personally and kept herself to herself, done what she thought was best (attending Beth’s wedding) rather than picking sides between two friends.

I think you’d be quite out of order, to expect her to stop being friends with Beth and not be her maid of honour. Sarah probably knows you haven’t been the best friend to Beth either - so she knows both of you haven’t been great to each other so remains neutral.

With Beth’s Nan, there are many reasons people decide to say “they’re dead” rather than go into reasons why that person isn’t in their life. I can’t comment on that as I don’t know. But maybe give her some grace.

Move on, and focus on your baby.

Getheregetthere · 22/06/2025 08:28

This is like a series of episodes from a soap. None of you have behaved well. You expect others to behave far better than you do as a person. Focus on your part and try to manage your expectations to at least the level at which you impose on yourself.

MuckFusk · 22/06/2025 08:30

OhCalmTheFuckDownBarbara · 22/06/2025 08:21

Maybe as it was you she originally asked before all the back and forth with the other friend, that's why she's more annoyed at you. She doesn't blame the other friend because it wasn't her that was originally asked.

Just wanted to say that I love your username.

Barnbrack · 22/06/2025 08:31

TheNavySwan · 22/06/2025 08:05

Theres only so much I can explain over writing but if thats what you think then fair enough😂 I’d forgotten to include parts of the nasty things that Beth has done to me. Did you read the part where Sarah didn’t do anything to help either… just felt singled out, and until life has hit you hard and you’ve been in a narcisistic relationship and been manipulated you wouldn’t really understand fully.

You refused to be maid of honor, begged your way back in, caused havoc and then did nothing to help. You're the problem. All Sarah did was act as a stand in

OntheBorder1 · 22/06/2025 08:33

YABU. I can't see that Sarah has done anything wrong. Her friendship with Beth has nothing to do with you, and neither does the dead/not dead Nan. It all sounds like kids in the playground tbh.