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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to consider ending a lifelong friendship over this?

252 replies

TheNavySwan · 22/06/2025 07:43

Need some outside perspective because I feel like I’m going mad.
Bit of a long one — thanks in advance if you read this.

So I’m currently debating whether to stay friends with my lifelong best friend (we’ll call her Sarah) after I feel like she’s totally stabbed me in the back.

Basically, there’s another girl (Beth) — someone I’ve known since we were actual babies — who recently got married. Sarah only knows Beth through me. They’ve never been close on their own, barely know each other. I was originally asked to be Beth’s maid of honour, and I accepted.

But at the time, I was dealing with a lot — uni stress, a horrible breakup with a manipulative ex, moving home, and some mental health stuff. I got overwhelmed and told Beth I couldn’t do it anymore. Not proud of it, but I was in a really bad place and not thinking clearly (my ex had a lot to do with that).

In a bit of a panic, Beth then asked Sarah to be her maid of honour instead. Sarah accepted (which I kind of understand, since she was put on the spot). Later on, I broke things off with my ex and started to feel more like myself again, and I reached out to Beth to explain the situation and told her I regretted stepping down.

Beth then offered for me to be a bridesmaid instead, but after a bit of back and forth, we ended up agreeing to share the maid/matron of honour role — since Sarah is married and I’m not. So at that point, all seemed okay again.

Fast forward — time goes on, and neither Sarah nor I actually help Beth with any wedding stuff. Sarah just had a baby, so she’s been busy, and I’ve still been trying to get my life back on track. So we were kind of in the same boat. But then, out of nowhere, Beth sends me this nasty message saying she doesn’t want me at her wedding anymore because I’ve not helped at all. And I’m thinking — okay, but Sarah hasn’t either, yet you’re still best mates with her? Why single me out?

Anyway. The plot thickens.

Turns out, Beth has apparently been lying about her nan being dead for SIX YEARS. I only found this out recently after our mums bumped into each other at the shops, and Beth’s mum let it slip that the nan was very much alive up until 5 days ago. I mean — who lies about that? It’s beyond weird and really rubbed Sarah the wrong way too, especially since she lost her own nan a few years back and was genuinely hurt.

At one point, Sarah even said she wasn’t sure if she was going to the wedding anymore after hearing about all the lies.

But then the wedding comes around and guess what? Sarah still goes. After all that, she still chose to show up and celebrate someone who had been awful to me and who’s clearly not honest or genuine. It feels like a massive betrayal.

Now I’m left feeling like maybe this is a sign from God and He is removing toxic people from my life for a reason. I recently found out I’m pregnant, and honestly, I just don’t want all this drama in my life anymore. I’m trying to protect my peace and do what’s best for me and my baby.

So AIBU to seriously consider cutting off Sarah for still choosing to be friends with Beth and going to the wedding, despite everything?

If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading!

Appreciate any honest thoughts.

OP posts:
partyboat356 · 22/06/2025 09:22

SwingTheMonkey · 22/06/2025 09:01

Yeah to meny snakes round here, just me an the kids from now on…

Come on now, you two. Get off and do your homework. It's Monday tomorrow.

MuckFusk · 22/06/2025 09:24

Ilikeadrink14 · 22/06/2025 09:19

Eh???

I think perhaps that was a joke. Undead means a zombie.

IdiottoGoa · 22/06/2025 09:25

screwyou · 22/06/2025 08:48

MN is not the forum for you.

Posted here in error, but just to be open, I’ve reported all these posts. This is a playground pile on because they all think she’s not as clever as them. I can’t believe you’ve deleted her comment and it theirs

I will report every one of their posts

OneVividJoker · 22/06/2025 09:25

I would wave goodbye to both of them tbh.
You can never have a true and open honest friendship with liars, or people that sneak about saying things about others than crawling up their backsides, ie Sarah and going to the wedding. It's emotionally draining. Get rid.

DBSFstupid · 22/06/2025 09:25

Fluffyholeysocks · 22/06/2025 07:53

I dont think anyone has covered themselves in glory, you included. It all sounds very dramatic too. Maybe you all need a break from each other.

You nailed it.

BatchCookBabe · 22/06/2025 09:26

Yeah, just dump them both @TheNavySwan No-one needs this much drama in their lives, or to be fucked over by so-called friends. The friendship with both of them has passed its sellby date.

My19thNervousNameChange · 22/06/2025 09:27

fairyjenni · 22/06/2025 08:58

Your name says it all , get over yourself...

Actually laugha6...

Do NOT msg me again ...

Ok

Hun. You're telling yourself off again. Stop being mean to yourself.

Temporaryname158 · 22/06/2025 09:28

drama all round, you aren’t innocent in this, on weight you all seem as bad as one another. Either wipe the slate clean and start again being a better friend yourself, or dump them both and forge a total new friendship group now you are pregnant

Karatema · 22/06/2025 09:28

Congratulations. When you have a baby you need all your friends! Don’t cut your nose off to spite your face.

Starlightstarbright4 · 22/06/2025 09:30

I don’t think you see your part .. you were maid of honour - pulled out
Beth asks someone else
you decide you want it again expect Sarah to not care and her be “demoted”
you find out she lied about nan - I hope you asked why .
Sarah gets over it , goes to the wedding you don’t .

There are a lot of parts you played in this . You been told you are not helping and Sarah not sounds like the playground -

did you ask what help she needs ? Did she ask you to anything ?

DBSFstupid · 22/06/2025 09:31

My19thNervousNameChange · 22/06/2025 08:27

@fairyjenni You really didn't need to quote the OP. We've seen that. Also: 'hun'.

Just no.

HTH

😂
She obviously knows her!

BatchCookBabe · 22/06/2025 09:33

WhereIsMyJumper · 22/06/2025 09:05

An undead nan is something quite different to a nan that remains alive

the walking dead zombie GIF

Yep, this is someone 'undead!' 😱 #zombie

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 22/06/2025 09:33

@fairyjenni please disregard the disrespectful, uncorteous comments you have received on this thread. Hope you have a lovely Sunday.

Shessweetbutapsycho · 22/06/2025 09:36

There’s so much information in this post that doesn’t add up… you say Sarah and Beth “barely know each other” yet Sarah is the first person Beth calls to step into the MOH role when you backed out? This doesn’t sound right? I also think it’s poor form if you trying to reinstate yourself as MOH after backing out (not that you stepped down when you felt too poorly to do it, but that as soon as things started looking better for you, you seemed to want to just slot straight back in). Finally, I’m really struggling to understand the link between you being kicked out of the wedding for not being involved in helping at all, and the bride saying her nan has died? These seem like 2 separate things? There seems to be lots of irrelevant info included in this post but lots of relevant info missing- there must be more to this story!? Did you actually speak to Beth about things after she sent you the text? What did Sarah say about it all?

DaisyChain505 · 22/06/2025 09:37

I feel like you failed as a friend when it came to her wedding and not being involved with plans etc. I would feel very hurt by this if I asked someone to be my maid of honour and they then flip flopped between not wanting the title then coming back for it and then not being involved at all after if said they could have it back.

The dead nan thing is weird I’ll admit but there could be many reasons why this happened. You said she had an awful childhood and this is probably the reason why. God knows what happened to her to make her want to say her Nan was dead.

As for the other friend involved. Just because you made certain decision based on your emotions doesn’t mean everyone else has to follow suit. We’re all individuals and make our decisions based on our own feelings and experiences.

4forksache · 22/06/2025 09:37

Would Beth have treated you badly if you hadn’t pulled out, then reinstated yourself then didn’t actually help? I don’t think she can be blamed for being upset. Maybe she did the other nasty things in retaliation, which doesn’t cover her in glory either, but you started the breakdown in relations.

The other two don’t have the same relationship so there are no expectations or degree of letting down.

It does sound as if you are all about 15.

DBSFstupid · 22/06/2025 09:38

skippy67 · 22/06/2025 09:12

😅

😂😂😂

TheYouYouAre · 22/06/2025 09:39

I would expect the joint MOH who didn’t have a baby to do more of the helping out for the wedding tbh. You asked for the role back, then didn’t contribute. I’d be pissed if I were Beth and Sarah.

BatchCookBabe · 22/06/2025 09:43

milesmachine · 22/06/2025 08:18

And I can’t see where anyone has ‘stabbed you in the back’? (Which in itself is a very teenage phrase)

Is it? Confused I have literally never heard a single teenager say this.

Lyra87 · 22/06/2025 09:44

Sorry OP but you're being unreasonable here. I'm sorry you had a hard time but it sounds like Beth was understanding when you stepped down as maid of honour and you should have left it at that. You then give take it back, then do nothing. Sarah didn't treat Beth half as badly as you have even if she 'did nothing' as well. She just had a baby which most people understand means she had little free time and Beth probably knew that when she had to ask her to step in. The only person who behaved badly in this situation is you.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 22/06/2025 09:46

TheNavySwan · 22/06/2025 08:05

Theres only so much I can explain over writing but if thats what you think then fair enough😂 I’d forgotten to include parts of the nasty things that Beth has done to me. Did you read the part where Sarah didn’t do anything to help either… just felt singled out, and until life has hit you hard and you’ve been in a narcisistic relationship and been manipulated you wouldn’t really understand fully.

Maybe you were "singled out" because Beth knew Sarah had just had a baby, or maybe she was more hurt by your actions because you'd dropped out, then asked to be reinstated, then done nothing to help anyway, maybe she was more hurt by you because (as you say) you're her closer friend whereas she only knows Sarah through you?

Regardless, even if Beth was unfair to only exclude you, thats not Sarah's fault - so why is that part of your decision to cut out Sarah?

In terms of not including the "nasty things" Beth has done to you, well yeah - that's obviously an important thing to miss out, and you still haven't elaborated on what these are. So people can only go on what you've chosen to tell them. If Beth was being racist, or threatening you, or something, maybe you have a point. Without knowing what they are though, you're coming across badly!

EmeraldRoulette · 22/06/2025 09:47

@TheNavySwan I found this a bit hard to follow and the dead nan appeared out of nowhere.

That makes me think, wouldn't the dead Nan be at the wedding? Is it possible there's a misunderstanding here?

AloeVeraAloeFred · 22/06/2025 09:49

I'm sorry but I think you are being unreasonable. Of course you are feeling hurt and upset that your long friendship with Beth has ended acrimoniously. I don't know exactly what she said of course but it seems unnecessary to have sent you an unpleasant message. Whether it was justified or not you must have found it very upsetting. Equally, you recognise that you have played a part in the end of the friendship yourself (possibly for understandable reasons and I'm so sorry you have been having a difficult year).

Nevertheless from Sarah's perspective this is a falling out between mutual friends (she obviously is Beth's friend as she's her maid of honour!) that really has nothing to do her. Sarah hasn't wronged you in any way and actually it seems to me that she's tried to help you out / been a good friend to you (covering your bridesmaids duties when you stepped back, then agreeing graciously to share them when you stepped back in).

Incidentally I expect the very reason that Beth is angry at you and not Sarah is because she had higher expectations of you due to your long-standing friendship. Whereas Sarah whom she knows less well is more in the position of doing her a favour / helping her out, Vs meeting what Beth may have viewed as an obligation on your part. Not to mention of course that Sarah has an excellent reason to be less involved - she has a small baby.

Leave things with Beth - there's not much you can do now to repair that. But don't throw away why sounds like a really beneficial relationship with Sarah for no good reason. Good luck with your pregnancy & congratulations.

BlueJeanSummer · 22/06/2025 09:50

Question... did the dead nan show up at the wedding if shes supposedly still alive?

spoonbillstretford · 22/06/2025 09:52

You sound like a very flaky friend yourself, OP. You might find that Sarah and Beth have dumped you and you have no choice in the matter.