AIBU to say no to a Skiing Trip with the school?

[Lollylucyclark101]

So when my son was 12, he was invited to go on a Skiing trip with his school. The total cost was £3000… this didn’t include spending money or equipment hire; and extras we needed to buy before going. Me and my husband (not my sons father) said no; as we couldn’t afford it. My sons now 18, and no it’s never effected his life.

my stepdaughter is now 12 and now has had the same letter from her school. £3500. Automatically I’ve said no, as we can’t afford (£1500 odd quid) it.

Shes shown no interest in Skiing ever and why should the children be treated differently?

anyway, know this is going to be a huge row. Husband is saying “maybe, we will see” which to me is giving her false hope, when he should be saying no, regardless of if she gets upset. Because he KNOWS we can’t afford it.

there loads of other cheaper trips she can go on…. Germany, Milan etc, but the skiing trip is just out of our budget.

i don’t think schools should be allowed to do these expensive trips either! Only the rich kids get to go 🙄

anyway….. am I being the AH here?

I don't know, it was a reply from someone else, but I would think so.
Where else would that money come from?

Can you imagine the uproar from parents who don't send their kids to the trip but pay for the teachers to go with. 😂

Depends WHERE and how is the trip surely?

If it cost you £3k for a child when it would cost you £1 to go for 2 weeks with your entire family, then it's expensive.

It's more likely it's actually cheaper, often a lot cheaper, than sending the child independently.

They are treated the same as much as possible but there will always be things that won't be the same.
Like I said I could have paid for both children to go to scout camp but only one child wanted to go. Should I now save that money for the child that missed out for something else?
My daughter likes choosing different clothes, and has more than her brother. He also gets a choice but chooses basic items and doesn't have as many outfits. Should I therefore add up the cost I spend on each child for clothing and again put the difference to one side?
One child is almost certainly going to need braces and with no NHS dentistry that is going to cost a small fortune. Should the equivalent be saved for the other child whose teeth are straight and unlikely to need this treatment?

Honestly if you are constantly watching how much each child gets then that must be very stressful. Mine wouldn't even notice!
What does your DS get instead of the horse your DSD gets £150 a month for? What about horse equipment?

Like i said I just don't think it's fair for you to say no because it's not your child and if your DH wants her to go then he needs to sort the finances along with her mum.

This. My daughter is at a private school and ski trips to Europe are all around £1500. For £3500 per person are they going skiing to Canada?!?

But not all families ski.

Our school raised 4k for a school trip which subsidised the total cost.

It shouldn't have been an outright no from you.
It should have been a discussion between you and dh as to the ability to afford the £1500
Totally different situation to step sibling where you were paying whole amount.

My daughter is going to Austria in Feb - £1400 for a week including all clothing/meals etc.. No way would I pay £3500!

£3500 for 1 child for a school ski trip is completely outrageous. Why is it so expensive?! I wouldn't pay that and I'm normally very wasteful with money when it comes to my daughter's frivolous ideas.

I would organise a family ski trip to Scotland. We had a great time in Aviemore on a shoestring budget. Sleeper train from London directly to Aviemore and B&B or apartment right by the station. The bus from Aviemore station takes you up and down the mountains every day. It was brilliant and we were very lucky with the weather.

@Moonnstars that's a completely false equivalency because both the OP's children want/wanted to go. It's not at all the same as one child wanting to do something or needing something like braces and the other not wanting or needing that thing.

Unfortunately though the OP only had one household income to use whereas DSD has two, so it's not a comparable situation anyway. I think if DSD goes and dad contributes this would have to be the explanation for the son, funding half a trip is a bit easier than the whole thing.

I’m not saying that at all.

maybe that’s why it’s so expensive.

Why are you asking when your mind is made up?

School trips are only for the people at each end of the financial spectrum. Schools are very out of touch with what is generally affordable. The last trip that was proposed was two grand for 3 days. No-one signed up for it so this was reworked into a 4 day trip for just under a grand. Still not enough interest to run it. The teacher was exasperated with the failure of parents to cough up for a trip not directly related to a course.

It's noticeable that some are having to adjust what courses they take based on the affordability of the field trips. History field trips are significantly less than geography field trips.

Yes. That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.

my sons 18 now, so we don’t spend money apart from birthdays and Christmas…. But they have the same amount!

he used to do boxing and football.

loaning a horse is a new…. And the equipment is provided by the owner.

medical treatments we don’t have to pay for and no?

Theyre OUR finances. Which I don’t think your understand.

if mom wants her to go she can pay for it.

Not really.

Teachers are not paid for working through their holidays, so no overtime pay to cover.

Teachers would be expected to provide their own ski clothing.

Schools generally use an established school travel company, who charge on the basis of providing 1 free adult place for every (typically) 10 students. Teachers would then get the same level of accommodation (e.g 4 or 6 to each apartment), food, ski hire etc as the students.

But as for your original question - no, it wouldn’t be fair for SD to go. Your financial position hasn’t changed.

That is far too much. If the school want to run s ski trip they should look for the cheapest viable option. No need to go to USA for example.
As pp said- travel companies nearly always offer free teacher spaces. Teachers get no overtime despite being on duty the whole time.

But I don't think you understand that it's not just your decision to make in this case. With your DS it was only you, there was no other parent.
With DSD there is someone who can pay half the bill and another parent to decide whether or not they want the child to go.
Perhaps your DH has some savings he can use for the trip or you could suggest cuts he or she could make to help pay towards the trip?

There aren't always spaces even if you want to go. School ran an affordable trip to visit Germany including 2 days in a school. Huge interest but only 20 places for 100 students studying it. Yr11 but they didn't prioritise students intending to take A level so some went after getting a place by ballot then dropped the subject after GCSEs. If it's necessary for the course everyone should have the chance to go.

I've not read the whole thread so apologies is this has already been said, but presumably this is a trip with limited spaces and relatively few kids will actually go? I know that doesn't address the issue of your DH wanting to treat the 2 DC differently, but if my experience is anything to go by, any drama about your SD not going may blow over fairly quickly.
My DC's former school do an expensive ski trip (not as expensive as £3k I don't think, but more than I was willing to spend for sure.) When my first DC got the letter she was desperate to go, and told me that "everyone else" was going, she'd be the only one left in her class whilst they were all away etc etc. I felt so guilty that I nearly let her go. Then I spoke to some other parents and discovered that they were virtually all getting the same story from their DC and had also said no. In fact far from "everyone" going, in the end I think only couple from each form did, none of which she was actually friends with, and the whole thing was soon forgotten. I had a repeat experience with my youngest, but that time I was a lot more confident about standing my ground, and again, there was a short period of gnashing and wailing about how cruel I was and then it was never mentioned again.
I did let all my DC go on school trips that I thought were of real value, like they all went on the WW1 battlefields trip and later on trips that were specifically related to their exam courses. When I was saying no to skiing I did make it clear to them that they'd be able to go on other trips, just not this one, and I stuck to that.
Mine weren't all treated the same though. For example, my DD did A level History which had quite a long and expensive trip to Poland and Germany in it. DS1 got a trip to a museum in Manchester for Computer Science if I recall rightly and I don't remember DS2 having any trips associated with his A levels at all. But I always tried to treat them equitably - DS1 got a much bigger spend on his 18th birthday for instance and DS2 has been supported through an expensive sport. I don't think you need to treat different children identically for it to be fair, but I do think you need proper reasons for the differences and in the OP's case it doesn't seem that there are any. So in this instance I'd say no to both too.

My husband made the decision with me for my son.

again, if her mom wants her to go, she’s going to have to pay for it or like us, advise it’s too expensive.

WE have savings. It’s OUR money?! We are married.

Schools are very out of touch with what is generally affordable.

Not at my or my kids' school-the trips have a great take-up.

But surely he must have a say in how the savings can be spent too? What would you normally do if one of you wants something but the other doesn't want it?
Are you the main earner which is why it is more of a problem as you would therefore be contributing more (not sure if I missed this?).

But this is the problem with joint finances in a blended family. Like I said upthread, nobody could tell me that I couldn't spend my money on my child. Not even my DH. You should always have a pot of your own money for things like this that crop up.

Schools are very out of touch with what is generally affordable.

Look at what teachers are actually paid for what they do, I am not sure that's true.