AIBU to say no to a Skiing Trip with the school?

[Lollylucyclark101]

So when my son was 12, he was invited to go on a Skiing trip with his school. The total cost was £3000… this didn’t include spending money or equipment hire; and extras we needed to buy before going. Me and my husband (not my sons father) said no; as we couldn’t afford it. My sons now 18, and no it’s never effected his life.

my stepdaughter is now 12 and now has had the same letter from her school. £3500. Automatically I’ve said no, as we can’t afford (£1500 odd quid) it.

Shes shown no interest in Skiing ever and why should the children be treated differently?

anyway, know this is going to be a huge row. Husband is saying “maybe, we will see” which to me is giving her false hope, when he should be saying no, regardless of if she gets upset. Because he KNOWS we can’t afford it.

there loads of other cheaper trips she can go on…. Germany, Milan etc, but the skiing trip is just out of our budget.

i don’t think schools should be allowed to do these expensive trips either! Only the rich kids get to go 🙄

anyway….. am I being the AH here?

wow you really aren't coming off well here.
" much to the irritation of full paying parents who are funding the rest of the trip!"
I bet you resent anyone claiming benefits as well, don't you?!

Again, a £350 trip is reasonable TO YOU
A £3.5k trip is inappropriate TO YOU.
These are subjective, not objective decisions individual to each family.

There will be parents for whom a £350 trip is completely out of reach.
There will be parents for whom a £3.5k trip is reasonable - the fact that both schools have and are still running these trips make it clear that enough people obviously can afford it.

You aren't the money arbitrator.

So a blended family. Do you both contribute the same to running the household or is your partner the main bread winner? I feel that if he is, it's up to him and his ex to pay for the trip and none of your business.

Why shouldn't schools run trips that enable kids to get experiences their families can't provide?

The only foreign holiday I had as a child was my school ski trip. I did sums earlier, I'm stunned 😲 at the inflation calculator but so glad my parents made the sacrifice to let me go.

I can totally see why schools opt for skiing as a trip, kids are kept busy, they have an element of freedom but in a controlled environment.

Its certainly less stressful than trying to keep an eye on a bunch of teens larking around a pool and the concerns with them getting burnt or being set loose in foreign cities.

They are but at this price and this type of holiday, its incredibly exclusive. I dont know anyone who would be able to afford this and it really sets children apart at school.

And for families relying on food banks etc, a couple of hundred pounds is easier for the school/committees to sub so that those children can go than it is for costs of thousands.

The idea that you can only get fantastic experiences and learning opportunities and cultural capital from trips like skiiing trips, is nonsense.

Of course husband was part of the decision for my son NOT going skiing?

Hes been in my son’s life since he was 8 years old, so at 12 when WE had the letter about skiing we discussed it and decided we couldn’t afford it and that money could be better spent on an abroad holiday…. Which we did do.

why do you think he wasn’t a part of that decision making? The same criteria apply…..joint income, joint banks, joint decision making.

my son’s biological father has had no part in his life since he was 18 months old.

both children need to be treated the same. My son would be horribly slighted to know, that based on the SAME CRITERIA his sister could go and he could not? That’s awful! 😢

my sons bio dad hasn’t seen him since he was 18 months old.

my husband is his father, therefore the discussion was had between me and my husband.!

This is my exact point.

We have the same criteria as we did when we said no to my son. We discussed it and decided that the money would be better spent on us going on a family holiday abroad…. Which we did do! For the £3k we had 11 nights abroad, which was all inclusive and included spending money!

If mom wants her to go, then she needs to have that discussion with her husband and to see if they can finance it…. She can’t expect us to put towards it if we can’t afford it. We pay for everything else she asks us too, as well as maintenance and other expenses like Horse Loaning…. We have never asked for a penny off mom for anything.

its us that’s had the letter for the moment; as I picked her up from school on Friday…. Which is where it all started. Mom hasn’t actually seen the letter yet but I know dad has been texting her mom about it.

My son would feel horribly slighted to know that based on the same financial information and decision making that she was not allowed to go but daughter was!

Of course it is 😂 it’s my money too, in a joint bank account and dad had a final say in my son’s skiing trip! And we agreed NO!

so we BOTH made the decision for my son!

his bio dad is not involved.

and “too dramatically” is £1750! That’s ALOT of money!!

This is actually a really articulate way of putting it. Nothing has changed.

it really sets children apart at school.

it really doesn't.
There are so many reasons for NOT attending that no one notice or care. If you miss the residential, you stand out big time.
Some kids won't go simply because they've got a better ski holiday with their family at Christmas and February...

The idea that you can only get fantastic experiences and learning opportunities and cultural capital from trips like skiiing trips
for some kids, that will be their only chance.

Some families REALLY make a big effort so each child can go to one trip during their secondary school year.

People should be given the choice, and they are.

? It’s £3k per child.

The TRIP is £3k per child, not the contribution to pay for the teachers to supervise them!

I haven't got the first idea what "extra" parents pay to cover the teachers, and frankly I don't care, but that was what the post was about.

Exactly!!

anyone that wants to volunteer & pay for themselves???

Yes. I earn slightly more but that doesn’t have a massive impact on our finances.

we are married and all our accounts are joint.

so yes. Taking £1750 out of OUR money isn’t a decision he gets to make.

The 3k pays for the teaches expenses too?

You might be comparing tangerines & bananas.

we don't know the resort, the quality of the accommodation, what ski lessons or other activities are included on either trip.

My eldests ski trips were £800 7/8 yrs ago, the current year is £1200!!! Thankfully, we lived in Germany years ago so my ski stuff fits them!! (I can't ski btw 🤣)

I had similar with my ex-stepson, we were expected to foot the whole bill. On the 2nd year, (which is canada btw not france or italy where my kids school goes and it was £1200 back then - Windsor so affluent area) he was 15, we told him he had to get a part time job and we'd go 50/50. There was alot of vitriol but he's 27 now and actually says thank you, it was the making of him.

I think you're right to say no, because you said no to your son.
We always tried to be equivalent in the school trips our 2 dc went on. Different trips as the school changed what they offered, but we were mindful of the eldest thinking the youngest is getting an extra trip if we said yes to an extra trip.
If your step daughters mum pays then that's different, you can say that to your son.

Re expensive trips. I think its always been thus with school trips - my school ran a ski trip and I didn't even ask my parents if I could go as i assumed it would be a no. Only a small fraction of the school year went .

Sorry but even with biological siblings they aren't always going to 'be treated the same'. Both of mine have the opportunity to go to a group scout camp. One of mine has chosen to go while the other doesn't want to.

Was your DS desperate to go on the ski trip, as if he was then I imagine you would have looked at all the ways you could send him. The same with DSD, if she wants to go then I imagine her dad will want her to be given the opportunity and simply saying she can't because your son didn't go to isn't really a good argument either.

And for the ones saying about teachers time etc, they aren't forced.if they can't ski, no point going. It's discussed before making the plan!!!

If he says she can go you need to compensate older son and equal out finances accordingly. Tell him this will be the only way child can go! Would husband pay for it even if you say no?

Of course YANBU! Skiing is not an essential skill. If you can’t afford the holiday then they don’t go! Simple.

Saying that - £3500 is incredibly expensive for a school ski trip. Our school charged £1500 this year and that included all travel, food, lift passes & equipment hire. Still expensive and out of reach for many families but they deliberately keep the price to the absolute minimal so more families can potentially afford it.

He could say he doesn’t have £1500 but is happy to get ski gear for Christmas/ birthday. Ask any grandparents/ anyone else who normally buys presents to give euros etc. If that still wouldn’t be affordable with mum paying the rest then it’s a no.
In theory as a resident parent I would have asked the dad to contribute then been told no and would have paid myself if I had the money so the mum might do that. Neither of mine went on the school ski trip.

Wow! So you don’t treat your children the same?

why would you do that?

your children chose to do different things, so if a different thing entirely!

Of course he wanted to go? But it wasn’t financially viable? So I wasn’t going to put us in a financially precarious situation for a skiing trip 🙄😂😂

We made the decision NOT to allow my son to go, because of finances and finances HAVE NOT CHANGED! So?…….. surely the answer needs to be the same? Even just based on finances and not feelings. 🙄

Do you expect them to pay when they have to look after your children abroad?