AIBU to say no to a Skiing Trip with the school?

[Lollylucyclark101]

So when my son was 12, he was invited to go on a Skiing trip with his school. The total cost was £3000… this didn’t include spending money or equipment hire; and extras we needed to buy before going. Me and my husband (not my sons father) said no; as we couldn’t afford it. My sons now 18, and no it’s never effected his life.

my stepdaughter is now 12 and now has had the same letter from her school. £3500. Automatically I’ve said no, as we can’t afford (£1500 odd quid) it.

Shes shown no interest in Skiing ever and why should the children be treated differently?

anyway, know this is going to be a huge row. Husband is saying “maybe, we will see” which to me is giving her false hope, when he should be saying no, regardless of if she gets upset. Because he KNOWS we can’t afford it.

there loads of other cheaper trips she can go on…. Germany, Milan etc, but the skiing trip is just out of our budget.

i don’t think schools should be allowed to do these expensive trips either! Only the rich kids get to go 🙄

anyway….. am I being the AH here?

Firstly I wouldn’t pay that much for a school trip for my own DC.

Secondly, if I had told my own DC that they couldn’t go on the trip I obviously wouldn’t pay towards someone else’s DC for the same/similar trip.

You think the teachers should pay to work?

I don’t understand this at all. Kids across 3 different private schools over the last 5 years and ski trips never exceeded £1500. It doesn’t make sense.

Well, if the teachers don’t go, the children can’t go!! I’ve helped lead a school ski trip and would never do it again - it’s hard work and stressful keeping them all safe and entertained. Evenings are worst, when they’re not in ski school. I’d rather pay up and go with friends/family.

Why on earth did you think the teachers costs wouldn’t be covered? Why would any teacher pay to run a school trip instead of just going themselves with their own partner/kids/friends? Our school trip to Spain got cancelled this year because not enough staff were willing to go.

I’m answering peoples comments? Which seam to be their issues?

My issue, is that I’m being made out to be a horrible person by my husband and stepdaughter as I’ve outright said no without any discussion. But there is no discussion as we can’t afford even half the trip! And I wouldn’t pay £1500 for 1 person to go away when, I would pay that for a week either in a uk caravan for 6 people or abroad for 3!

I don't agree that schools shouldn't offer these trips just because some can't afford it, that's unfortunately just life. However I would be wondering why it's so expensive. DS's school ski trip is £1500 and they fly to Italy. That includes all equipment, food and drinks. He's not going because we are going to Norway the week after on a snowboarding holiday. That's not even cost as much per person as your schools trip.

As someone who skis £3500 seems an awful lot for one person even when factoring in ski passes etc. and you said this doesn’t even include equipment hire. My answer would definitely be no.

While it’s obviously a good principle in society in general (e.g. higher tax bands for those with higher income etc.), it just wouldn’t be considered good practice in a school. This is because a school can’t arbitrate for where the line is for those who can afford to contribute more. For example, a student might not attract ‘pupil premium’ funding (i.e. when parents are on the very lowest incomes and the criterion that a school would use to identify those getting subsidised places, as they have no other way of doing so) but their parents might be on relatively low incomes and only just at the threshold of being able to afford the trip themselves. Throw in an extra few hundred pounds (I’m making up the number, but you get the idea) to subsidise a student from an even lower income family and the trip then becomes unaffordable for that child as well. I suppose one way around it might be to ask parents for an optional extra contribution to fund some lower-cost places, but I’ve never worked in a state school where extra for another child would have been incorporated into the standard cost. If the OP is talking about a private school though, it might be different.

Our school would run events to subsidise trips making them more affordable . Those were the days. Now it's for essentials in the classroom.

School holidays if this diet used to be better value than the per person cost on a family holiday. I don’t know what’s gone wrong, but they’ve become horrifically expensive. My kids have only ever done CCF and orchestra school holidays because they are good value. The week on the Lakes camping, kayaking, off road cycling and hiking for £200 was a particular highlight, but I’m aware must schools don’t have a CCF any more.

Should they go without the teachers then?

Should teachers not only supervise on a 1:10 ratio for X days 24/7 in their largely unpaid holidays but also be expected to pay for the privilege of doing so?

That's a v expensive trip and your DH is U but please don't give out about the teachers having a jolly. Taking legal responsibility for teens who do ridiculous crazy things in groups and when sharing hotel rooms, being responsible for 30+ passports, visas, skiing accident / medical care is incredibly stressful. A few hours, possibly, of skiing while they're in ski school is not a good payoff. We do it because the kids have such a blast.

You can't afford it, you can't afford it, end of discussion. That's not an issue in itself.

i don’t think schools should be allowed to do these expensive trips either!
they're giving a chance to children/ teens to do something different, often eve it sounds expensive, it's actually a lot cheaper than if you were taking the kid yourself.
It's not just "rich kids" who go - rich kids are more often than not in private school anyway. Some families make a big commitment and finance a one-in-a lifetime trip.

OF COURSE you are paying for the teachers? What do people want? That their tickets comes from the school budget and ALL the parents pay for them? That sounds fair 😂

No way teachers will be paid for any over-time they do during the trip, and they work ridiculous hours then if you look at it precisely. No way should they have to pay for themselves on top of that, it's not exactly a holiday is it.

That would be outrageous if it's not clearly explained and all the parents given a choice to subsidise others.

First it's assuming that anyone sending their kid is a "wealthy parents", when it's just as likely parents making sacrifice and choices to send their child.

Then why on earth would it be down to some parents to pay for other children than theirs?

Of course they can offer a ski trip. Skiing is expensive in harder to reach places, it involves more costs due to equipment, lessons, guides etc so it’s always going to be expensive.
It doesn’t make any sense for you to say they have no business offering these trips but then be fine with a European one for £5/700. To someone else that is out of reach.

If your husband and family finances can’t afford it that’s the only relevant reason.
I don’t however think something should be out of the question for your step son because your son didn’t get it when SS has his own mother to also make part of the decision.

I love skiing (not been able to go for years) but 3500 is just obscene and my kids wouldn’t be going

I did agree to pay 1k for a trip to Spain though.

You’re not a horrible person at all OP. You can’t afford it and even if you could stretch to it, it is not a good use of family money. Your DH knows this and is using you as the excuse to make his dd be angry at you instead of him, which is horrible.

I don’t think schools should be prevented from offering expensive trips, but I can see why you might have some resentment for being put in this position.

Obviously, it is right that teachers costs are covered when they do trips like this. IME, the companies that facilitate group activity trips like this give a free place for a supervisor/teacher/organiser for per a given number of participants. Teacher places are not an extra cost that is divided by the number of students going, their costs are already built in because trips can’t happen without them.

I’m always 😵‍💫🤯😫 that people are shocked that they’re paying towards the trip for the adults supervising, organising, working 24 hours a day to look after 60 kids, leaving cover work for their classes etc. the schools can’t afford to pay for this, so the trips wouldn’t go ahead if parents didn’t pay. And no one is going to pay for themselves for the privilege of being responsible for a group of children. In my school, parents are lucky that they also don’t get the cost of supply teachers covering the absent teachers on the trip. Even the staff left behind volunteer their own free lessons to cover the teachers on the trip, in order to keep costs down for parents.

I thought our £1950 was pricey. Seems very over inflated there - is it Canada ? It’s a shame she can’t go, I understand her disappointment. Your husband isn t helping by saying maybe though.

edited to add that I see your son didn’t get to go .. is this part of the reason you don’t want SDd to go? If your husband can afford it? You couldn’t afford it for your son because you only work PT? This is all the reason why ‘family money’ in step families doesn’t work! My kids go everywhere because o pay for it our it my own money ( or spilt with their dad) my husband isn’t expected to pay for it!

Schools should not run these trips unless they are going to subsidise them to make them accessible to all. It's awful. No, yanbu. 3 500 quid! Is that how much it costs these days??

If it is an essential trip for geography course work or something then I wouldn’t mind subsidising others but expecting other people to fund your holiday trips seems a bit out of touch with reality to me. I can’t afford to send my children on a ski trip and there is no way I would expect anyone else to fork out for them.

Essential trips are covered by the school e.g. geography field trips. It's anything extra that isn't.
Some schools might also push certain experiences as part of showing they are enriching what children might experience, so they might cover the cost of a theatre trip for example so they can boast about this on open evening to prospective parents.

I don't think it's ethical either.
Because they'll always be people who are just over the threshold for help who can't afford to send their kids. But could maybe have stretched if the price didn't include money to go towards "poor kids".

Slightly different if it's a whole year group trip then pupil premium funding or parents council funds could be used to help subsidise kids who can't afford it.

Is that fair though? At what point do you decide something is unaffordable and how much do you give to make it accessible to do?

Even in primary school I have just paid £350 for my son's residential and that's only going to a residential camp up the road!

why is it awful? Why this constant race to the bottom?

There's an opportunity, some kids can go, some can't. That's life.
Children who attend won't be given better grades or special reward will they.

Some parents can't afford it, some parents don't want to spend money full stop, some parents are too anxious to allow them. Shall we stop every opportunity for everyone just because not everyone is going? Ridiculous.