AIBU to say no to a Skiing Trip with the school?

[Lollylucyclark101]

So when my son was 12, he was invited to go on a Skiing trip with his school. The total cost was £3000… this didn’t include spending money or equipment hire; and extras we needed to buy before going. Me and my husband (not my sons father) said no; as we couldn’t afford it. My sons now 18, and no it’s never effected his life.

my stepdaughter is now 12 and now has had the same letter from her school. £3500. Automatically I’ve said no, as we can’t afford (£1500 odd quid) it.

Shes shown no interest in Skiing ever and why should the children be treated differently?

anyway, know this is going to be a huge row. Husband is saying “maybe, we will see” which to me is giving her false hope, when he should be saying no, regardless of if she gets upset. Because he KNOWS we can’t afford it.

there loads of other cheaper trips she can go on…. Germany, Milan etc, but the skiing trip is just out of our budget.

i don’t think schools should be allowed to do these expensive trips either! Only the rich kids get to go 🙄

anyway….. am I being the AH here?

Skiing is the one trip I’ve said no to. £2000 at our school for 5 nights, plus equipment and spending money. We’re not poor but we’re not that rich! The £2000 would be money for a family holiday, not one child to have a jolly and the rest of us no holiday.

It's mad money. My DS went on several school trips that were quite expensive but I didn't have to buy expensive equipment as well. My friend goes skiing and whilst it sounds glamorous initually it's my idea of hell. The place is packed, queues to get in the slopes, queues for food, noisy and cold.

I also think it isn't fair for one to go and one not to.

I’m not sure what your point is.

orher families, their finances and decisions are nothing to do with me.

you can book a 4 night caravan for £49 with haven. If a parent can’t afford that; there’s something wrong. (I go away in September, to haven and that’s how much I paid).

Finances aside with the exception of skiing I let our DC go on any trip that the school or guides/scouts arranged. This was because of the extra expense for kit and there always happened to be some awful tragedy around the time the letters came home where a child would fall from a ski lift or something else as tragic. Skiing is a big no from me.

It's not about why it's so expensive, it's that the Ops DH won't man up and say No to his DD even though he knows they can't afford it. He'll have to tell his DD eventually so why not tell her now instead of letting her think it might happen

I think yabu to bring your ds into it. Your dh wasn't part of that decision. If your dh wants to pay some and his ex pay some then she shouldn't not go because your ds didn't get to go. Yabu.

I think it sounds fair in this instance based on what you've said. If dh is insisting she goes then he also needs to cough up the equivalent amount to give your ds so he can also go skiing.

It does sound incredibly expensive, my ds's school are going to Italy for £2500 which is still very expensive but more reasonable.

£3500?!?! Are they paying for teachers to stay in a 5* luxury hotel?? Is it for 2 weeks skiing in Canada?

My sons school one is £1600 which includes everything except spending money. I then actually looked online and could take him myself for £1550 each in half term and flying rather than a bus.

£3500 is a ludicrous price.

Both of my DS's schools ski trips usually cost around £2k, although you have to provide the gear. Although this year they didn't go as there are other school trips and we said they had to choose. £3k sounds excessive for a European school ski trip.

Ignoring the cost as that isn't really what you were asking about, I think you need to speak to your DH about why he is saying maybe.
You say he doesn't like telling his daughter no, so is this the only reason he is saying maybe.
Is the mum saying she can go and therefore as his child too he will need to contribute and that's why it's a maybe (he needs to discuss with mum and whether they can realistically afford it between them).
I would also say just because you didn't let your son do something doesn't mean that should be the case for your step child. I assume at the time of his ski trip you couldn't afford it and neither could his dad therefore it was a no. For SD if mum can afford it and wants her to go then I do think your DH does need to contribute to the trip too.

My point is when schools organise trips they need to make sure kids have stuff to do. £350 is what my kids primary school trip cost an hour down the road.

Secondaries want to be able to give kids experiences they might not get otherwise.

A £50 trip to haven still comes with additional cost, transport, food, kids can't be responsible for sorting their own food, and things to do when they are there.

That is a ridiculous amount of money - that could buy a family holiday!

When I was at school I only ever did UK trips as my parents would never have been able to afford the overseas ones. I'm not complaining - had an excellent time on school trips in Pembroke and later a horse riding trip in the Lake District. But they were a couple of hundred each, if that.

When I was 13 my school offered a skiing trip to Canada which was if I remember correctly somewhere around £3/4k. Bearing in mind this was back in 1998 so it'd be much more now! In the end I think two kids signed up out of a cohort of around 200 so it was cancelled. Think they misjudged the situations of the kids they were teaching - the school was in a city generally seen as 'posh' (Bath) but most kids of parents that could afford that kind of money were in private school, not a massive fairly crap state secondary!

I do think these expensive trips are a bad idea, for multiple reasons most of which have already been posted.

The answer should be no. I'd be bloody livid if he'd said no to my DC going but now wants his DC to go. We'd be havya huge falling out over it. How will your DC feel if his SS is aloud to go?

Just think that through for a minute.

If the cost didn’t include staffing, what do you think would happen? What alternatives are there to the cost including staffing?

School up the road from us organised a dance. Was a great success two years ago raised lots of funds. This year it was an extra £40. They're struggling to sell tickets because they've gone all out with caterers, professional bar instead of volunteers I suspect it will be cancelled.

Money is tight, read the room, parents and ex parents are prioritising.

I don't think it's for OP to decide. She made a choice for her own child and that's fine.

DSD ski trip has to be decided by her parents and what they can afford. But, it should not impact on OPs household finances to dramatically.

If a parent can afford £3.5k for one child why would they not be able to give their kids similar experiences? As a PP said she refused a school skiing trip and instead too on all the family away on a skiing trip for around the same cost.

I do know there are exceptions (you mentioned kids in care upthread - though I'm not sure the council would cover £3.5k tbh - and another obvious one is if the parent/s were disabled and unable to travel). But generally speaking the vast majority of families who can afford that kind of money can afford a family holiday too (complete with experiences/activities etc).

If you mean experiences as in travelling without parents and just being with friends etc then a (much) cheaper trip would offer the same...

OP makes it clear money is joint. So yes, it is also for her to decide. No way would I be happy if my DH just took that amount of money from the joint account for something I'd expressly told him I didn't want us to pay for.

No child has ever been effected by not going on a ski trip. I wouldn't send my kids.

That's a lot of money for a ski trip. DD went 3yrs ago in France for £1.5k. It was end of season though.

£350 is the cost of a 4 night trip to the uk (an adventure place)

£570 is Milan for 3 nights

£480 is Belgium for 2 nights.

none of this includes food, or spending money.

pupils whose parents are students or on limited income get these trips at a seriously reduced rate.

secondaries have no business taking kids skiing for £3k+. They can do that as adults who have jobs. But bet a million quid that they dont…. Because it’s ridiculously expensive.

Do you mean that other parents are paying extra to subsidise the cost of some students from low income households paying a lower price? If you have been told that this is the case, this should be challenged because it’s unethical. Yes, schools will often provide lower-cost trip places to some students but this will usually come out of pupil premium funding and the cost certainly shouldn’t be shifted to other parents. How to spend pupil premium funding is a thorny issue in itself and schools have to be really careful about it - I can’t imagine that a meaningful amount of the £3500 for a ski trip could come from PP money, but that’s an aside really.

Why do kids need to be offered such an expensive trip from the schools? If they want to ski either they should go with their parents, or when they are older and can afford to pay themselves.
Learning to ski is hardly an essential life skill. Kids here all learn to ski - but we are near a ski field, so no expensive trips required.

So what is your main issue @Lollylucyclark101 as I thought your main concern was your DH potentially saying yes to the trip to his daughter but now you just seem to be on a rant about cost of school trips.

School trips will be expensive due to needing to go through specific agents and they often include evening activities. Yes the cost for teachers is included in the price as like others have said it really isn't a jolly, especially with teenagers and you have to check whether they are asleep, not sneaking out or going into others rooms. Many teachers actively choose not to go on trips and it can be hard to get some trips covered if staff have their own families and do not wish to go away for so many nights.

Looking back I went on my school ski trip and had an amazing time. My brother also went a few years later. My parents were not rich at all and there was a payment plan to help pay it off, but they wanted us to go to have that experience. They would never have wanted to go skiing themselves and they were glad for us to have that opportunity with friends.

Maybe it's your priorities, you mention DSD has a horse. I would explain to her that was what her money goes towards and therefore she cannot expect school trips as well, and if she does prefer the trips then the horse has to go.

I can't see how it can be unethical for the wealthy parents to subsidise the less well off., That seems completely ethical to me.