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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have a stranger at my son’s party

299 replies

2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 20:12

My son is turning 4 next week. My husbands sil has just messaged to ask if my 14 year old nephew can bring his girlfriend to my sons party at our house. There is only going to be me (mum), husband (dad), daughter (8 year old) (sister), both sets of grandparents and my husbands brother, wife (sil) and two sons (14 and 9 year old). Not even husband, or grandparents have met this girlfriend before. I just find it weird that this is the time we should meet her. So am I unreasonable to say no. Or should I let her come. Son absolutely adores and idolises 14 year old nephew and would hugely miss him if he didn’t come. Told this is only time nephew can see girlfriend as she lives 2 hrs away and so only see each other once a month for a weekend.

OP posts:
Everyoneseemssadnow · 21/06/2025 21:53

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I' m not worried about what you have to say: I'm just surprised at the level of nastiness that you are injecting into this thread!
I'm agreeing with the OP because I think she has a valid point. And I have every right to agree with her despite you thinking everyone should think the same as you!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/06/2025 21:53

2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 21:21

Yes he’s a friend who’s a boy. Who comes round for tea and she goes to his. They go ten pin bowling etc. they hold hands, hug and buy presents for each other and make gifts and drawings for each other, go to Frankie and bennies etc. one parent takes them and supervises them from a distance.

she’s been doing this for longer than my nephew with current girlfriend. And not just once a month. So maybe her relationship is more serious than his.

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Really, I don’t think it can be referred to as a “relationship” or “serious” at that age: they are friends who happen to be a boy and a girl.

Labelling it as more than this makes kids vulnerable imo.

MrsKeats · 21/06/2025 21:54

2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 21:38

This isn’t about my daughter. It’s about my son’s birthday.

you believe what you want. She’s asked to have some friends to miller and Carter steakhouse for her next birthday which we’re considering.

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This has to be a wind up.

honeyrider · 21/06/2025 21:54

If I was the mother of the 14 year old lad and if the OP said his girlfriend wasn't invited I'd let the 14 year old skip the party as it would be the only time he'd be able to see his girlfriend for a while and I'd turn down my own invitation to the party so I'd be able to supervise my 14 year old DS. My DS would take priority over nephew.

LadeOde · 21/06/2025 21:54

Is anyone else wondering if the 4yr olds girlfriend will be in attendance? Is he in a long term relationship & and has she met @OP 's parents?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/06/2025 21:54

But answering your question, YABU to stop this child coming to your child’s party.

NerrSnerr · 21/06/2025 21:54

Verylateintheevening · 21/06/2025 21:52

The 3 year old wanted to bring his ex-wife and it all got a bit awkward

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This made me laugh out loud.

Plantladylover · 21/06/2025 21:55

TheCurious0range · 21/06/2025 21:44

It's not healthy or normal for your 8 year old to have a boyfriend who she dates, holds hands with and hugs, it's weird and tbh concerning, however many times they've been to Frankie and Bennie's

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Exactly. Beyond weird and just not ok.

OP - is you 4 year old's GF coming to his party too? Or are they having a special meal at Frankie and Bennys

Verylateintheevening · 21/06/2025 21:55

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Iamthemoom · 21/06/2025 21:55

Verylateintheevening · 21/06/2025 21:52

The 3 year old wanted to bring his ex-wife and it all got a bit awkward

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😂😂😂

Garlik · 21/06/2025 21:55

To be fair if your son might feel left out why not invite one of his friends round as well, maybe if he has a best friend? My dc often got invited to their best friends siblings or family parties for this exact reason.

Original poster
2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 21:55

Teaacup · 21/06/2025 21:50

I’d say no to the girl attending. It would be different if they were in their 20s and had been together for a while. Edited to add that 8 year olds shouldn’t be having boyfriends and girlfriends. You can’t compare a child who wasn’t long ago a toddler to a teenager going through puberty.

Edited

8 year old girls can begin going through puberty.

OP posts:
Plantladylover · 21/06/2025 21:56

TheCurious0range · 21/06/2025 21:46

I really miss the laughing reaction.
Frankie and Bennie's is such a specific retro touch 😂

oh just this :)

Barnbrack · 21/06/2025 21:56

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Barnbrack · 21/06/2025 21:56

2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 21:55

8 year old girls can begin going through puberty.

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Jesus Christ why is that better?

NerrSnerr · 21/06/2025 21:56

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MrsKeats · 21/06/2025 21:56

Verylateintheevening · 21/06/2025 21:52

The 3 year old wanted to bring his ex-wife and it all got a bit awkward

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Omg. Hilarious 🤣

Verylateintheevening · 21/06/2025 21:56

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HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 21/06/2025 21:57

2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 21:30

She does. Lots. They’re really close. He loves the attention from other people. It’s the first year he’s been really excited about his birthday. She helps him opening his presents (as mil uses lots of tape) as I set them up out of the packaging. Then food comes out. Everyone stuffs themselves. Then the 8 and 9 year old go off and play (9 year old is awkward in social situations and finds them overwhelming also has sensory issues etc) so my dd helps him with staying calm and often with edits out Lego or arts and crafts in her room to do. Then 14 year old normally plays with new toys with son. In laws disappear home 20 mins after food has been served (use dog as an excuse). My parents. Go at about 3pm as catch train 2 hrs back home. Brother in laws family normally stop and play all together then (as 9 year old better as things calmer- or can then go to a different room when needed by self.) until 8pm.

it’s how it’s been for years.

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Things change.
Your nephew is growing up and might not want to do it like this anymore.

It wouldn’t even cross my mind to say no to his girlfriend coming and you comparing their relationship to your 8 year olds friendship is just really weird!!

BarBellBarbie · 21/06/2025 21:57

Wow. So unreasonable

NerrSnerr · 21/06/2025 21:57

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Verylateintheevening · 21/06/2025 21:57

I always shed a tear when these troll posts are removed. I so enjoy them.

Nearlyamumoftwo · 21/06/2025 21:58

Let her come. Its not just about it being a party - remember if you say she's not welcome, you'll never be able to "un-say" it.

So this is the girlfriend of your husbands nephew. If it was the girlfriend of your sisters nephew, would the answer be the same? 🙂

Justtryingthis · 21/06/2025 21:58

OP your nephew will not forget that you wouldn’t let his girlfriend come to the party. So long as you’re prepared for the relationship between you and him and therefore the relationship with your son to ultimately drift after this then crack on… just don’t be surprised when he has little time for a 6 year when he’s 16 and seriously into his girlfriend 🤷‍♀️

Plantladylover · 21/06/2025 21:59

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