Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have let them pay?

165 replies

Motherofrascals · 21/06/2025 13:57

It's the week before payday. Somehow no matter how much I budget, the end of the month is always tight. DC and I were deciding what to do today and I explained it has to be a 'no money day'. Parks, playgrounds, picnics, bike rides, museums, libraries, hanging at home, inviting someone over...all fine. But anything where we'd need to buy a ticket or spend any money, not fine.

They asked to do something which costs money, but offered to pay for it themselves with birthday/pocket money (adults go free). At this point, honestly, I was pleased and proud they were showing initiative, cooperating with one another, negotiating as a team etc. They have enough to pay without emptying their savings, so I happily agreed.

We're here now, kids are off having fun. However as they were counting their money they told the cashier the story 'Mummy wasn't going to come today' etc... and a person stood close to us started tutting and muttering that no child should have to buy their own tickets and 'What kind of parents don't pay for their children!?'. I sort of stuttered that I was actually very proud of them working together to find a solution to get to do something they'd wanted to do, then we moved away. I didn't want to start explaining the whole backstory, financial circumstances etc. But now I'm starting to feel guilty, and maybe I should have held the boundary that a no money day is just that, regardless of where the funds come from.

AIBU to have let them pay? I was feeling really positive about it all till about 10 minutes ago :(

OP posts:
Fivews · 21/06/2025 13:59

Not at all unreasonable, you've taught them a valuable life lesson that money isn't growing on trees.

TinyTempest · 21/06/2025 14:01

Nah, really?

dottymac · 21/06/2025 14:24

Ignore that nosey, judgey cow. I think this is totally fine 👍 it's not like you make them pay for their bed and board every week 🤷

TheaBrandt1 · 21/06/2025 14:26

Sorry but I would have also thought that was abit odd. I wouldn’t have said anything though.

U53rn8m3ch8ng3 · 21/06/2025 14:27

Hmm depends what it is. £5 to get in a summer fete sort of activity, fine. Full day sort of place with expensive entry, no

dottymac · 21/06/2025 14:27

And also, I'm right here with you - with a few days til payday, I'm counting out coppers (like every month at this point). Everyone has what they need, noone is going without and all is well with the world. Don't need to spend constantly to have fun, and life is just beyond expensive at the moment so a few cheaper days are necessary.

ninjahamster · 21/06/2025 14:29

I think youve raised lovely children. Surely birthday and pocket money is for exactly this sort of thing, treats?

JLou08 · 21/06/2025 14:30

The comments were ridiculous. I'm guessing you're not sending them sweeping chimneys and that they got most of that money from you, so essentially you are still paying for them. Even if you weren't, I'd say a day out is a pretty good way for them to spend their money. I think it is a good way to teach the value of money too and not raise entitled children.

Painrelief · 21/06/2025 14:30

I think you’re teaching them that life isn’t free and if they want something they have to pay for it . You have given them an important lesson about money today .

goodnightssleepbenice · 21/06/2025 14:30

That’s so judgey of her and well done to your kids!

TomatoSandwiches · 21/06/2025 14:31

Your children sound fab to me, I hope you've all had a lovely day, I wouldn't give the comments a second thought.

Sahara123 · 21/06/2025 14:31

What lovely children you have, sounds like it all worked out fine.
Ignore the silly person, they had no idea .

stclementine · 21/06/2025 14:32

They sound really lovely and isn’t it good that children get to treat their parents sometimes.

Beeinalily · 21/06/2025 14:33

I bet they're proud, to have paid from the activity and to have helped you out.

Shoxfordian · 21/06/2025 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JLou08 · 21/06/2025 14:33

TheaBrandt1 · 21/06/2025 14:26

Sorry but I would have also thought that was abit odd. I wouldn’t have said anything though.

If a child has their own money I think a day out is a great way to spend it. Mine have done it with their money before, better than extra clutter from buying toys or spending it on sweets and chocolate. I don't see it as odd at all. What is it that makes you think it's odd?

SweetnsourNZ · 21/06/2025 14:35

Ignore her. You will be very unlikely to meet her again. Don't see anything wrong with children using their own money to pay for wants while parents cover needs with some treats. Isn't it what most of us do?

JLou08 · 21/06/2025 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It's not help though is it? The children chose to spend their money on an activity they wanted to do. No different to them choosing to spend it on a toy.

Sahara123 · 21/06/2025 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Don’t be daft, OP’s children came up with the plan and went to her with it, I think they sound fab. After pay day if you can I’d probably take them for ice cream or whatever to say thank you .

BallerinaRadio · 21/06/2025 14:37

Did someone really say that in the queue? The whole thing sounds very odd

mondaytosunday · 21/06/2025 14:37

What happened to saving up to do/buy something? This used to be normal. Now kids seem to be given whatever they want whenever they want. Your children will understand the value of money, this women’s children may well be throwing a strop next time they aren’t just given something simply because they want it.

Fundayout2025 · 21/06/2025 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Why though? The kid wanted to go to the place so paid for it. They didn't pay for the adult Good example of a family working together rather than just teaching kids " take take take"

Expect child had the money given to them in the first place. Would it be ok if they wasted it on random shit?

Dominoeffecter · 21/06/2025 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

How ridiculous 🙄

KarmenPQZ · 21/06/2025 14:40

I think it’s great teaching them that money is used to buy experiences as well as ‘stuff’ but I’m a bit in the fence that this teaches them anything about money when they then just found another source of money to buy exactly what they wanted if you see what I mean.

Dominoeffecter · 21/06/2025 14:41

I think it’s excellent, them choosing to spend their birthday money on an experience for them rather than random crap. You didn’t make them pay for you to have a spa day 😂