to have let them pay?

[Motherofrascals]

It's the week before payday. Somehow no matter how much I budget, the end of the month is always tight. DC and I were deciding what to do today and I explained it has to be a 'no money day'. Parks, playgrounds, picnics, bike rides, museums, libraries, hanging at home, inviting someone over...all fine. But anything where we'd need to buy a ticket or spend any money, not fine.

They asked to do something which costs money, but offered to pay for it themselves with birthday/pocket money (adults go free). At this point, honestly, I was pleased and proud they were showing initiative, cooperating with one another, negotiating as a team etc. They have enough to pay without emptying their savings, so I happily agreed.

We're here now, kids are off having fun. However as they were counting their money they told the cashier the story 'Mummy wasn't going to come today' etc... and a person stood close to us started tutting and muttering that no child should have to buy their own tickets and 'What kind of parents don't pay for their children!?'. I sort of stuttered that I was actually very proud of them working together to find a solution to get to do something they'd wanted to do, then we moved away. I didn't want to start explaining the whole backstory, financial circumstances etc. But now I'm starting to feel guilty, and maybe I should have held the boundary that a no money day is just that, regardless of where the funds come from.

AIBU to have let them pay? I was feeling really positive about it all till about 10 minutes ago :(

I think what you’ve done is great parenting. It’s no one else’s business. 😊

I do this too, and it works a treat with my 4yo who wants me to buy her something every time we set foot in a shop!

It would have broken my heart a little bit but I would never have said anything.

I don’t see anything wrong with children choosing to spend their money on a day out/ experience. Would these people rather they spent their money on plastic tat or sweets?! Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks, you were all happy with the situation until some nosey parker butted in.

Good for you. You could have equally have had the money and have got them to pay as it was an extra out of budget experience, and that also would have been a great thing.
I might start doing this with my kids actually :)
No business of anyone elses anyway.

Yanbu at all @Motherofrascals and I think you are a brilliant mum who has raised some brilliant children. It's very sensible for them to understand there have to be boundaries on what you can afford and very sensible for them to have the option to spend their savings on an activity they enjoy.

Have I missed how much it was? I think that might make difference.

I think that's brilliant. I often encourage the children to do the same. They have savings from birthday and Christmas and sometimes use it to do an activity rather than spend it on toys. I always encourage them to take some on holiday too so they can buy extra treats over and above our daily budget. It's good for them to learn to budget and save this way.

Jeez! Ignore the negativity from those people and some people on this post! What your children have shown is that they can be responsible for things and have shown great teamwork skills. I'd be so proud of my children if they offered to use their money to do something they wanted to do rather than saving their pocket money for sweets and plastic tat like most do. If you're feeling a little off about it, you could always 'pay them back' bit by bit but honestly I really think (from this post) it's seems as though you've raised lovely, considerate kids ☺️ I really hope you all enjoyed your day

not at all unreasonable. Of course kids can pay for what they want once you have exhausted your funds! It’s a great lesson for them. Side note: What kind of lowlife kicks off in front of everyone about this?

YANBU

The woman who commented was extremely rude, disrespectful and judgemental. Don’t let her appalling behaviour affect you.

I think it’s v important to show kids you can have lots of fun without spending a penny. Beautiful walks or bike rides, playing in the park or garden, outdoor games (cricket or rounders only need a cheap bat, tennis ball and some jumpers for stumps/bases). IMHO it’s not great parenting to teach kids that they have to pay to be entertained. Making your own entertainment makes you resourceful and innovative (important life skills).

Kids usually love walks, especially ones with a variety of landscapes in one walk (e.g. woods, meadows, streams), as they love discovering things. They can learn to identify different trees, plants and birds. You can look up local walks online, which guide you along and point out things of note. If you take buses or trains, you don’t have to go in a loop back to a car (and you can have the odd beer or can of Pimm’s along the way if that appeals).

Even when money wasn’t so tight, I never bought drinks or food when we went out or at the beach on holiday. We always took reusable bottles of water or squash (flask of hot choc in winter), filled rolls, fruit (grapes, sliced apple with a dash of lemon juice etc). Crisps, biscuits, cake etc. All in plastic lidded tubs so it stayed intact. Our food was always miles nicer than you could buy out, at a fraction of the cost and the kids could snack whenever they felt hungry. The odd ice cream, drink at a pub or maybe fish & chips on train home is all we’d spend money on.

As someone who sends kids money for their birthdays, I’d much rather they put it towards an experience or day out (or treats when out, e.g. rides, ice-cream) than more toys cluttering up their home, unless there’s something they really really want (or they’re saving for). Experiences and days out create memories and wonderful photos, whereas most toys are forgotten and rarely played with.

So, you’re quite right to be proud they offered to pay with their own money. They’re learning to make decisions, solve problems and understand the value of money from a young age. You’re never too young to learn to manage money.

Don’t feel guilty. You sound like a wonderful parent.

absolutely excellent parenting win!! seriously ignore the hate - well done!!

They need to learn money does not grow on trees, if they spend their own money, it might make them think twice about not constantly expecting the bank of mum to pay for everything!!

My kids do this. All their birthday and Christmas money goes in a pot and if they've had a few weeks where they have already been a bit spoiled by the bank of mum and dad, I will say to them, "I've spent enough on you this month, if you want to do xyz you will have to use your pennies" then they decide if they want to do whatever it is enough.
They are certainly not deprived and they know that life costs money and there isn't an endless supply of it! Crazy to me that someone would make a comment on it. I would rather my kids spend their money on activities and encourage them to do so, rather than buy more crap to clutter my lounge with!!

I think quite rightly the children were happy and yes over sharing but that’s what children do, discretion will come with time and I’m sure as they are obviously brought up to problem solve this situation they will be just fine. They are children and I’d assume felt very proud to pay with their own money as they should be. What a great way to spend money making memories rather than on tat that ends up in the bin. I think it shows well raised children. Time will come when they won’t share as much information but they are only young and learning.

Do you not know anyone who is on a tight budget? Good for you.

It’s one of those where I’d have raised an eyebrow if I didn’t know the backstory, but I’d also acknowledge that there could be a backstory that made it reasonable.

So I definitely wouldn’t say anything, and knowing the story behind it, you’ve not just been reasonable but taught them a good lesson.

Oh good grief. The righteousness prevaileth much with this one.
There are so many voices out there on social media complaining that children don't know about money and budgeting and the general cost of stuff.
Being financially innocent breeds kids who want to go go-karting every day or on tropical foreign holidays when the budget is the back garden and a paddling pool.
What OP has done is to begin the life/budget lessons. Good stuff for kids to learn so they can appreciate the value of things. This way, they know that £5 say will buy a book, a ticket, a treat and they can make choices.

Parents aren't going to get in free then, are they to an expensive place?

I do this with my two who are 11 and 10. I spend a fortune on food, days out all sorts so it comes to the point where I tell them if they want to do something then they can pay for it themselves.
i think it’s good money management, teaches them about money and how much things cost.
the money they have is from birthdays, Christmas, pocket money. I’d rather they spend it on a day out than toys/ gaming ect

If they are paying for it from pocket money then essentially you are paying for it.

what why?
Wouldn't you rather your kids spend their pocket money or money they have saved on an activity making memories instead of toys or gaming?

Well, know it all, there's a couple of places near me where the child's ticket is a considerable price but one free adult per child.

Perhaps I can have that for a user name. Never been to a place like that that I can recall tbf. What sort of places are they? (I have friends with grandchildren) I always think leisure farms/activity centres are really expensive for adults who have no choice but to be there.

Perhaps you should. Petting zoo, shit farm type places.

It shouldn't matter what anyone thinks. That's the thing (at least in my view) with parenting, it isn't one size fits all and what works for your family might not work for mine and vice versa. The better response would have been to have told the person who tutted to kindly mind their own!

I don't think you did anything wrong for what it is worth. You still took them to the place so paid fuel or fare even if they paid for the fee. Your kids are learning that there isn't a magic money tree and as parents you have to budget. That is an important lesson to learn.