to have let them pay?

[Motherofrascals]

It's the week before payday. Somehow no matter how much I budget, the end of the month is always tight. DC and I were deciding what to do today and I explained it has to be a 'no money day'. Parks, playgrounds, picnics, bike rides, museums, libraries, hanging at home, inviting someone over...all fine. But anything where we'd need to buy a ticket or spend any money, not fine.

They asked to do something which costs money, but offered to pay for it themselves with birthday/pocket money (adults go free). At this point, honestly, I was pleased and proud they were showing initiative, cooperating with one another, negotiating as a team etc. They have enough to pay without emptying their savings, so I happily agreed.

We're here now, kids are off having fun. However as they were counting their money they told the cashier the story 'Mummy wasn't going to come today' etc... and a person stood close to us started tutting and muttering that no child should have to buy their own tickets and 'What kind of parents don't pay for their children!?'. I sort of stuttered that I was actually very proud of them working together to find a solution to get to do something they'd wanted to do, then we moved away. I didn't want to start explaining the whole backstory, financial circumstances etc. But now I'm starting to feel guilty, and maybe I should have held the boundary that a no money day is just that, regardless of where the funds come from.

AIBU to have let them pay? I was feeling really positive about it all till about 10 minutes ago :(

Spiteful. I can't imagine any children raised by you doing anything nice for anyone. Perhaps you're jealous.

Several people on here have asked the children’s ages. There was no reply from the OP. This happens such a lot now. People are so rude!

YANBU. Sounds like it was good for them to figure out a solution and no doubt they felt proud that they were able to contribute and help out with a family problem. We didnt have much money when I was a child and I can remember feeling the same on the odd occasion I was able to help in some way. It really built my confidence.

Ignore the busybodies and the judgemental, they have no idea of the context and only enjoy making people feel bad while making themselves feel superior.

You've raised some great kids by the sounds of it.

Because some people, including myself at one stage of life when the dc were small, got to the end of the month just stretching our income to cover the month. It’s called life. It’s called the cost of living.

OP - your kids sound amazing!

None of anyone's business at all - you do you OP.

Don't be be listening to the judgey judgey-sons. You know what's what.

FFS. Not comparable. The kids wanted to do a fun activity, the parent doesn't have any money, so the kids pay with their own birthday money. Can't think of a better use for it, plus the kids realise that money doesn't grow on trees, and learn about saving for things they want.

So she should have said:
a) No you can’t spend your own money on something you’ve chosen to do or
b) Yes of course, let’s go into debt

???

if it's even true, it sounds like there was a lot of performance parenting going on 😂

Bullshit story.

You taught them the value of money and not everything is available as and when they want. Good life lesson and you did good. Don't feel guilty

No, they just like to make themselves feel smug and superior by putting the boot into the OP.

Note that they didn't offer any helpful suggestions to the OP to make money last in amongst their judgmental vitriol.

I would much rather mine spent their money on a day out than on the random plastic tat they are so fond of! You gave them lots of options of other things they could do without paying, and presumably going to this place another time when you did have the funds would also have been an option, but they chose to pay themselves to go that day (and were clearly happy with that outcome!) Presumably the busy-body wasn't offering to pay, and she'd probably have found fault if you just refused to let them go as well, so stick to trusting your own judgement!

I think you and your kids sound fantastic. Having autonomy and learning there’s no magic money tree is a very valuable lesson. I’m honest with my kids over finances too.

We are reasonably well off and I will still say no if I think we’ve been spending too much recently.

im quite certain the tutting person has entitled kids and is up to their eyeballs in debt. I hope it didn’t tarnish your day too much.

Absolutely the right thing to do. My daughter uses her pocket money for similar sorts of things and I think it’s fine. I provide what she needs, she makes her decisions with her own money (which is my my money too really!). I think it’s super important to teach the value of money as young as possible.

You know, I’ve been a parent for a million years and I have never heard any of these comments people claim others in the queue make. I think that posts like this happen because the OP feels uncertain and guilty and are seeking out opinions.@Motherofrascals Don’t worry-it’s absolutely fine. Your children sound great.

The person who was so nosy and chose to say such things about a complete stranger was clearly having a bad day. Or a permanent bad personality/attitude problem.

It's a good idea to help kids budget and they should be able to spend their pocket money on what they like within reason. Especially as they chose to go somewhere where adults don't have to pay! That's really cool. And does show initiative.

But I would say it's important for them to realise you can have fun without spending anything at all. And for some people 'no money days' can't be solved by dips into piggy banks or savings. Which I'm sure they do and you teach them that.

Go and hug your kids and let them know how proud you are of them. Maybe if you have a little over after payday give them a contribution but, no you should not feel guilty about this. The person who commented should mind their own business. Have a lovely day out.

You should have told the tutters to butt out and keep their mouth shut.

You and your kids found a solution to your problem and it was absolutely none of that person's business.

I remember as a child my mom was quite strict on things like this. I was excited as a child to show my mom's friend my bank book so she could see what I had saved. Mom spoke to me afterwards and explained that some things should remain private. I can see where you're coming from.

We do this sometimes. They've got more money than us in their accounts sometimes and will fritter it on sweets and Primark. I've physically taken some money off them last month so they can spend it on a day trip to big city in the holidays. Don't feel bad. Money is not an endless resource for most people.

good to see responsible parenting here. The kids wanted to do an activity do much they were happy to pay for it from their birthday/pocket money.

thus is how good financial sense starts - by realising money is a finite resource and to use it wisely. Experiences they will remember, random stuff will be forgotten.

Agree. My parents used to ask us if we saw a money tree in the garden. Life is expensive.

I do think you should probably tell them not to overshare about finances, OP. People will judge, and that's unfortunate.

I think your kids sound very level-headed; they understood completely that you weren't just saying "No" to be mean, you really didn't have any cash to spare, they had the option to go for free activities, but decided that they wanted this enough to use some of their treat money. They will go forward with a much more balanced view of how to spread their money; they decided that this was something they really wanted to do, not just a passing whim. Less likely as young adults to bung spending on the plastic and worry later.....
I notice that the grumpy lady in the queue was not offering a sub.....

Its true, @Floatlikeafeather2 - my child is a serial killer. Must be because I paid for days out when they were a kid.

I remember my childhood as lots of fun but i was still aware that my parents saved and budgeted for things. I never saw them worried but I did understand that there were sometimes limits to what we could have/do.