to have let them pay?

[Motherofrascals]

It's the week before payday. Somehow no matter how much I budget, the end of the month is always tight. DC and I were deciding what to do today and I explained it has to be a 'no money day'. Parks, playgrounds, picnics, bike rides, museums, libraries, hanging at home, inviting someone over...all fine. But anything where we'd need to buy a ticket or spend any money, not fine.

They asked to do something which costs money, but offered to pay for it themselves with birthday/pocket money (adults go free). At this point, honestly, I was pleased and proud they were showing initiative, cooperating with one another, negotiating as a team etc. They have enough to pay without emptying their savings, so I happily agreed.

We're here now, kids are off having fun. However as they were counting their money they told the cashier the story 'Mummy wasn't going to come today' etc... and a person stood close to us started tutting and muttering that no child should have to buy their own tickets and 'What kind of parents don't pay for their children!?'. I sort of stuttered that I was actually very proud of them working together to find a solution to get to do something they'd wanted to do, then we moved away. I didn't want to start explaining the whole backstory, financial circumstances etc. But now I'm starting to feel guilty, and maybe I should have held the boundary that a no money day is just that, regardless of where the funds come from.

AIBU to have let them pay? I was feeling really positive about it all till about 10 minutes ago :(

See I see that sharing as pride. "Mum couldn't bring us today, so WE brought HER" I get that maybe they need to learn its not usual to discuss such things among strangers but I wouldn't want to dim their shining moment.

Kids learn about money in all sorts fo ways. Its entirely appreciate you called a nomlney day if you have no money
. If they wanted to pay for something, it's a good learning opportunity for them
Good on you for holding the boundary and not getting into debt uneecssarily. That's a great call.

They sound like lovely children who were brought up so well! You should be proud and it doesn’t matter what type of day out it is, they wanted to go and found a way. It’s no different to using pocket money to buy a toy. I hope your having a lovely day with your children.

Both my kids have a monzo debit card (age 6 up). I load a small amount of money on it each month. If i feel I have spent enough on them that month yet they still want to do x,y or z I hand them their cards and say they can pay the ticket price. 9 times out of 10 they don't want to spend their own money on it! I have no problem with this at all. If some one else wishes to comment on it let them. My children appreciate the that these things cost money and money is not endless. Im happy with my choice!

I can believe it.

Your kids sound awesome ……and that’s down to you. Give it no more thought x

Perhaps you could send op a cutting from your magic money tree.
You obviously have no money worries.

You did the right thing, op

This thread is a great antidote to all the balloon arch threads

I think this is excellent!

Pocket/ birthday money is for nice extras and to learn the value of money. Your children have ticked both boxes and I'm willing to bet they will enjoy today all the more (and feel a sense of pride) because they have paid for it with their own money.

I "artificially" engineer situations like this when my children want something but it's not something I was planning to buy or want to spend money on. Not even just when I can't but because I think the lesson is valuable. "Mummy says no but because I've saved up my own money I still have a choice and a chance to make something that I want happen".

It gives them a bit of power and a practical lesson in the value of saving and in making sure that you actually really want what you're buying because you can only spend it once.

This is good parenting, OP. And will done to your little ones! I hope they have a fabulous day and that you make a big fuss of how proud you are of them.

I think it's marvellous that you've done such fantastic parenting!

Thank you for developing people who will, no doubt, be an asset to the world 👏

Great parenting.
Giving them agency in their lives and a financial lesson all in one day.
Go you.

As for the twat tutting.
Well done for resisting the urge to tell them to STFU and mind their own business......that must have been very hard!

Wow what lovely children you have raised, all credit to you teaching them about money and problem solving.

What a Busy body that person was, don’t let it get to you.

Goodness I wasn't expecting so many replies! Some of them have made me a bit emotional <3 thank you you lovely lot! Bit of a tonic for the soul this site sometimes,

Sorry to those who are seeing my lack of response as rude. It's been me and the smalls today so after I posted and saw the first comment/few reassuring votes I tried to leave the phone out of reach until now when they're in bed.

The kids are KS1, so still quite little. There's been some interesting points on here about how often money is discussed in private and public. I mainly think it's never too early to learn financial literacy. I wish I'd started younger and been able to benefit from my parents knowledge, I feel I learned everything the hard way (and evidently still have a way to go!). However I'd never want them to feel burdened by it. It wasn't a thought I'd previously had so thank you for making me aware of that possibility.

On the point that they shouldn't be talking about money so openly I understand where you're coming from. It's a societal norm not to discuss such things, (and the consequences as shown can be unwanted comments!) but sometimes I do wish we were able to be more open about it. Especially when there's a moment like today where they were just happy to be there! That was why I spoke back I think, I didn't want anyone bursting our bubble. I bet I could learn a lot from those around me if finance was less of a taboo topic. But my wishing doesn't make it so.

FWIW she wasn't in the queue, she was nearby. Quite an elderly lady, waiting for her family to assemble to leave. Still not sure saying anything was the right thing. But overall I've been giving it all far too much thought today so gonna try and leave it rest now.

@TheFluffyTwo I like the notion of engineering situations sometimes, that aren't making them worry that we don't have enough money. Do you have any examples? So far I have resisted saying no to anything they want to bring home from a shop if they're paying for it themselves, even if it's something I would never ever fund myself. But that's about as far as I'd got with it until today!

@RedBeech that's such a lovely story, gave me goosebumps!!

@Dominoeffecter that'll be a good day!!! 😂

You've taught them financial responsibility, prioritising (presence over presents) and team work.

Good for you

FFS. Why is she running out of money at the end of the month? Because she is a single mother and the CoL is sky high and many wages/salaries don't begin to meet it, especially if paying for wraparound care. It's not her fault. Wake up.

It's nothing particularly clever! Just as you say saying no to things in shops "unless you want to buy it with your own money" or telling them in advance when we go to a fete that mummy will pay for X & Y but they will need to save up/ use their pocket money if they want A & B. Or saying that I'll pay for a school trip but they have to use their money if their want souvenirs. Advanced warning often helps but I also love that in your case they were able to address an unexpected situation because of general savings - that's the next level!

One tip I do have that's worked a treat, though (especially for bigger items that they couldn't buy themselves or when you know they can only buy one thing that day but they haven't seen everything on offer yet) is to implement a system of 'taking a photo' of whatever it is they want. That way they can decide at the end of the day/ come their birthday or Christmas what it is they actually want between all the things they've taken a photo of.

The photo seems to satisfy the need to possess the thing in the moment (they have a photo of it, feel in control and are reassured it won't be forgotten about so no tantrums), there's no waste or regret, and you can have fun comparing and deciding which thing(s) they actually most at the end of the day / for their Christmas list when you go back through the photos together.

You'll also rarely struggle for present ideas on special occasions!

I nicked this from the internet years ago and it was a game change for toddler tantrums about buying things too!

Ah yes brilliant. I'm getting better at reminding them they may want to bring money for extras before we leave the house. Hoping at some point it'll come off my 'pre leaving check list' and be something they think of themselves.

We do the photo thing!! Or at least I have a Google sheet 'list' I add all the things they ask for in shops etc and then we review it closer to Christmas/birthdays etc as you say. It works so well for pester power, and as you say it seems to satisfy that instant gratification need without actually shopping.

Did slightly backfire n terms of sibling rivalry recently. The younger used her birthday money to buy something the older one has had on his list a while but opted to wait for a birthday rather than buying it himself. She got home with it and was very smug about the purchase. Cue a lot of jealously from the biggun. Not the ideal atmosphere in the house 🤦🏼‍♀️ but also hard to fault either ones logic, he'd been happy to wait, she was happy to pay for it.... 🙈

You shouldn’t feel guilty, but you should probably have a conversation with your kids about discretion.

Please don't feel guilty, least your children won't grow up as spoilt, entitled adults. A massive ick of I ever did see one.

I’d have told them to mind their own bloody business. It honestly does my head in that some people think they have he right to comment on other people like this, absolute busybody!

I grew up what you might consider spoilt because our parents never bothered discussing money with us, and we could do any clubs or events we wanted. Nothing outrageous, just comfortable.

I wanted to keep the same lifestyle so I made sure I was always going to earn a good living for that 😂

Not burdening your kids with cash flow problem doesn't make them spoilt and entitled.

The Trunchbull has entered the chat!

I think you're a fabulous mother! 💐

I quite agree and that person should have minded her own business, she didn't know your circumstances and I'd say the same if she did.