to have let them pay?

[Motherofrascals]

It's the week before payday. Somehow no matter how much I budget, the end of the month is always tight. DC and I were deciding what to do today and I explained it has to be a 'no money day'. Parks, playgrounds, picnics, bike rides, museums, libraries, hanging at home, inviting someone over...all fine. But anything where we'd need to buy a ticket or spend any money, not fine.

They asked to do something which costs money, but offered to pay for it themselves with birthday/pocket money (adults go free). At this point, honestly, I was pleased and proud they were showing initiative, cooperating with one another, negotiating as a team etc. They have enough to pay without emptying their savings, so I happily agreed.

We're here now, kids are off having fun. However as they were counting their money they told the cashier the story 'Mummy wasn't going to come today' etc... and a person stood close to us started tutting and muttering that no child should have to buy their own tickets and 'What kind of parents don't pay for their children!?'. I sort of stuttered that I was actually very proud of them working together to find a solution to get to do something they'd wanted to do, then we moved away. I didn't want to start explaining the whole backstory, financial circumstances etc. But now I'm starting to feel guilty, and maybe I should have held the boundary that a no money day is just that, regardless of where the funds come from.

AIBU to have let them pay? I was feeling really positive about it all till about 10 minutes ago :(

But OP didn't have the money needed for what her children wanted to do. So then what do you expect her to do? Go without meals? Seller a kidney? Raid the local building society?

Totally fine! My brother’s children are still quite young and thanks to all the fivers and tenners they get from family, recently discovered they had over £100 each in their piggy banks. I asked what they wanted to do with some of it and they chose a day out. I bought food/snacks etc but they were both so proud of buying a thing ‘with their own money’. They couldn’t stop talking about it…I think it made them feel grown up or something.

It’s a nice life lesson and you should be proud of your kids. 👍🏼

I think you did well as did your kids. I'm sure they were proud about being able to do it. Ignore that rude judgey person.

Your children have learned one of the most valuable lessons in life than any child can learn — that there's no magic money tree, that money has to be earned and that some things cost money and they'll have to work out how to finance them themselves. I think you should give yourself a pat on the back and them a hug because they sound like great kids.

The person who tutted is an arsehole.

Hi OP,

I think it is great that your kids have spent some of their savings on an experience rather than tat/toys that end up in landfill.

We’ve always shared financial considerations with my eldest - in a gentle age appropriate way and I think it has served him well. E.g. we can’t have takeaway if we have already had one just recently and showing him the cost if we were to eat takeaway every day. Sometimes we have explained how many hours work after deductions an item costs to buy.

Most of us parents have only got so much money so sometimes it’s a case of “if you want that you will have to pay for it yourself”. If your children grow up knowing the value of money that will only be an asset to them.

Of course it's fine.

Some people need to get a grip of themselves, frankly.

How old are the children?

Brilliant parenting, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Kids are going to grow into thoughtful responsible adults I am sure.

They have learnt that money is finite. You told them there wasn't enough left in the family budget, they came up with a solution. They have been given choice over how they spend their 'own' money. They know they can't always get what they want immediately but will be motivated to earn money in future. Well done OP, you're raising great kids.

You are the better parent. Letting DC take initiative, letting them choose how to spend their money - on experiences as well as material goods. Teaching them that parental income isn't a constant never ending supply but can run out. These are great lessons to learn. Ensure your DC realises you are proud of them and not ashamed of yourself. I admire you.

One of my proudest moments as a parent was when we'd been out for the day as a family and my autistic DS said to his DBro and my DH, 'You catch the train home, I want to take mum out for dinner.' I'd supported him a lot through some very tough times and he wanted to show appreciation. He had chosen a cafe he could afford, which he'd heard was nice (and it was!) I was so so happy and will always remember that day.

Did you even stop to consider Shoxfordian that the OP might have been short on cash because she actually put the council tax money aside??

Ignore the woman your kids have learnt a valuable lesson about budgeting and how things do cost and I'd they want a particular thing they save/use money for it.

Too many adults/young people think they should just have because they want rather then the reality of it. Too many parents say I would do anything for or oh how can I say no.....doesn't teach the child anything infact it teaches terrible spending habits as dopamine hit comes from buying stuff!

Agreed. If you had to respond simply telling her it really wasn't her business would have done. She was rude.

Don't be so ridiculous and dramatic.
OP ignore judgemental twats, you've raised good kids there.

Don’t we give kids pocket money, birthday money etc so they can buy what they want?
They wanted something so paid for it. Your comment is unnecessary

Some people are awful! You did the right thing by letting them have some autonomy and being realistic about the family finances. As PP said they were probably telling the cashier because they were proud and it's a great lesson that saving now gives you choices later. Setting an example of making a choice, being realistic about money and also managing the budget are all brilliant parenting choices. You should feel good (and that they weren't ashamed, that's a good sign too)!

How old are the dcs?
I wouldn't want to pressure young children with the stress and responsibility of financial issues.

Is it normal to give your DCs the responsibility to choose a "no money day"?

I would have taken that responsibility myself, you need to show them you're.capable of looking after them. Give them a sense of security and safety.

So yes I would have held the boundary and not brought money into it.

You can teach about money and budgeting in other age appropriate ways.

When my dcs were younger we had a lot of financial issues and a lot of "no money days" but the kids never realised. As young adults now they had no idea how poor we were, and see their childhood as lots of fun.

How old are they? How much were the ticktets?

Bizarre someone in the queue said that to be honest. Almost as if it's made up.

Don't most people make their kids use their pocket money if they want to do something particular that costs money? Whats their pocket money for then?

I don't see anything wrong with birthday/pocket money being used to buy a treat in the form of a day out as opposed to a physical object.

I bet your children felt proud they were able to use their savings in this way.

I think it’s a good idea, kids have lots of toys. Clothes etc and days out cost so much money. As adults I often give experiences as gifts so letting the kids use their money for an experience I think it’s a good idea!

I wouldn't have believed it either until I read @Shoxfordian 's post. There are some nasty people among us.

Take no notice, OP. You taught your DC a number of valuable lessons today about budgeting and prioritising, and I bet they are getting a kick out of taking themselves out for a treat rather than always being 'taken'.

I think you should be very proud of them. Great that they have the agency at this age. You empowered then to make this choice.

At Christmas these boards will be full of suggestions for people to buy experiences rather than physical items or games for their kids. It's got more value, not less, if it's the child themself making that choice.

Brilliant parenting and Ill be doing the same when my kids are older. Teaches them the value of money and I'd be so proud if my kids choose to spend it on an experience rather than tat!