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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my boyfriend over his golfing?

141 replies

Thepanicyears · 21/06/2025 00:11

Am I being unreasonable to complain about how much time my boyfriend spends playing sport?

we are both 27, when we met he played rugby only. Training 1-2 times a week on an evening and games on a Saturday. This wasn’t too much of a problem and it’s seasonal so not as time consuming over summer. Since then he started cricket which has filled in the summer months and he now taken up golf. The golf is my main bugbear as it’s so time consuming. For example last week he playing Friday evening then Saturday and Sunday morning. In my opinion it’s a piss take and it’s causing a massive impact on our relationship. He does less and less around the house and I work 12hour shifts so on my days at work nothing seems to get done. We have no children and our only ties are the house we share. Am I reasonable to leave him over this? Is this likely to get better? If we have children will all the work fall to me? I think I know the answer but hoping for some wiser input if anyone has any…

OP posts:
coolbreezes · 21/06/2025 00:13

Yanbu. Plus also I know too many women who later realised that "golf" was just a handy cover story for shagging someone else

whatthesigma · 21/06/2025 00:13

I think you need a conversation about what you each feel like your relationship will look like moving forward. Him prioritising his hobbies or sacrificing them so your relationship is on an equal footing.

Ponoka7 · 21/06/2025 00:18

It's called being a golf widow, for a reason. It doesn't sound like he has time for a relationship. He definitely doesn't have time for children. He'll probably come back at you about having different housework standards, it could simply be that the relationship has ran its course.

Original poster
Thepanicyears · 21/06/2025 00:22

I have talked to him about it until I’m blue in the face but nothing ever seems to change. He’ll agree with me at the time and talk the talk but never actually puts any more effort into the relationship. It’s so frustrating!!

OP posts:
TheGreyMember · 21/06/2025 00:23

Dump him. Move on. Sounds like a loser.

geekone · 21/06/2025 00:25

You are 27, there are better men, dump his ass. Hopefully he doesn’t own part of
tiur house or you don’t and can just move.

FortyElephants · 21/06/2025 00:25

He doesn't want a family, he wants to play sports. You can't have both, at the level he wants to play sports. You ask if you'd have to do all the work if you had kids - why are you asking such an obvious question?

norma1980 · 21/06/2025 00:26

You're basically in a relationship with someone who is never there and I suspect it will continue. Has he tried to get you into golf first before cutting down on the golf?? This happened to me and I agreed but he never ended up taking me golfing. Empty promises. I knew if I'd stayed I would've ended up very lonely and resentful.

Original poster
Thepanicyears · 21/06/2025 00:36

It seems so simple when it’s written in black and white for me! I’ve put off going any further as I was hoping things would get better.

No he’s never tried to get me involved in any of the sport. He’s currently asleep in the spare room after vomiting in the toilet after an after golf piss up 🙄🙄

OP posts:
AmelieSummer25 · 21/06/2025 00:42

Thepanicyears · 21/06/2025 00:22

I have talked to him about it until I’m blue in the face but nothing ever seems to change. He’ll agree with me at the time and talk the talk but never actually puts any more effort into the relationship. It’s so frustrating!!

It's who he is. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life like this, now is the time to leave him.

it doesn't matter what he says about if you have children, you will be left holding the baby/babies, taking them swimming/football/ballet while he's off at rugby/cricket/golf/cycling.

friends will be off on weekends away, you'll be home while hes off long one of the above. Or trail g behind him so you remember what he looks like.

sunken cost fallacy. Do NOT think you've 'invested x years' in this relationship so it's a 'waste to throw it away' keep the good memories & learn from it! Just becayse you've spent 'a few years' together doesn't mean you have to spend the next 60 together.

yes it's hard, yes it'll hurt, but you WILL get through it!!

SallyDraperGetInHere · 21/06/2025 00:43

Don’t get pregnant, would be my main advice. If this isn’t what you want a life together to be like, then call it a day. In itself, there’s nothing wrong with someone who has no children spending their leisure time on sports. If it comes to the point that you are the de facto housekeeper and he’s declining invitations to family events or dates, and you feel you are a distant second, then you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of golf-widowhood.

AmelieSummer25 · 21/06/2025 00:45

TheGreyMember · 21/06/2025 00:23

Dump him. Move on. Sounds like a loser.

No he doesn't. He sounds like a young man, in to sport.

InterestedDad37 · 21/06/2025 00:46

He wants to be single, has someone to do all the donkey work, and is unwilling to compromise 👍 (That's the second thread on which I've written the exact same sentence 🤔)

PondUnderTrees · 21/06/2025 00:47

Dump him. Quite apart from the fact that you never see him, disproportionate numbers of golfers are wankers.

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 21/06/2025 00:49

he wants to play golf with his buddies more than he wants to be with you. That is his priority it is as simple as that. Throwing up from drinking to excess is awful, but hopefully just a one off.

MrsKeats · 21/06/2025 01:04

Thepanicyears · 21/06/2025 00:36

It seems so simple when it’s written in black and white for me! I’ve put off going any further as I was hoping things would get better.

No he’s never tried to get me involved in any of the sport. He’s currently asleep in the spare room after vomiting in the toilet after an after golf piss up 🙄🙄

Life is too short for this nonsense.

MrsKeats · 21/06/2025 01:07

AmelieSummer25 · 21/06/2025 00:45

No he doesn't. He sounds like a young man, in to sport.

Show quote history

I hope him and his golf will be v happy together. He’s not relationship material.

Babyenroute · 21/06/2025 01:09

I would never marry a gofer or a cyclist for this reason! They disappear four hours every weekend. No thanks

biggestcatmom · 21/06/2025 01:11

Stop wasting your time on this selfish man child, you deserve so much better. Good luck for a happy future OP

pinkyredrose · 21/06/2025 01:30

Thepanicyears · 21/06/2025 00:36

It seems so simple when it’s written in black and white for me! I’ve put off going any further as I was hoping things would get better.

No he’s never tried to get me involved in any of the sport. He’s currently asleep in the spare room after vomiting in the toilet after an after golf piss up 🙄🙄

Oh that's attractive.

What's your housing situation, rented, owned, joint names etc?

pinkyredrose · 21/06/2025 01:32

AmelieSummer25 · 21/06/2025 00:45

No he doesn't. He sounds like a young man, in to sport.

Show quote history

A young man who shows no interest in his girlfriend, who behaves like a single man fucking off for hours leaving his girlfriend to pick up the chores.

Yep, just what every woman wants!

AloniaMuskrat · 21/06/2025 02:05

Leave the selfish 🔔🔚and find someone who puts you first

Heidi2018 · 21/06/2025 04:21

I have talked to him about it until I’m blue in the face but nothing ever seems to change. He’ll agree with me at the time and talk the talk but never actually puts any more effort

If you stay with him, you'll be back writing the same thing about why he won’t spend more time with his kids. Dump him.

AbzMoz · 21/06/2025 04:59

YNBU but to a certain degree neither is he.

Id suggest you have a conversation about how much time is acceptable to you both for your respective hobbies and sports. And how much effort and active engagement you’ll both put into the relationship. Determine which events will make the hobbies cancellable - weddings, holidays, time-for-us days. If sports come with a pissup and a hangover, determine if the following day writeoff is acceptable too (a couple times a year probably is, every time is not for example)

Then evaluate how this works in practice. Keep a shared calendar about how much time was your hobbies, his hobbies, your chores, his chores, and your quality time together. Use different colours to show how you’re each consuming time and if this reflects your priorities.

If the actions don’t stack up that tells you what you need to know.

Fantailsflitting · 21/06/2025 05:13

Dump him. Don't become a golf widow. My husband plays a lot but never in the weekends. He was self-employed so played in the week. Now he's retired he still plays during the week. He did more than his fair share with childcare and housework. He did not come home drunk and vomiting after golf either. You can do better. Don't waste any more of your time with this man.