To leave my boyfriend over his golfing?

[Thepanicyears]

Am I being unreasonable to complain about how much time my boyfriend spends playing sport?

we are both 27, when we met he played rugby only. Training 1-2 times a week on an evening and games on a Saturday. This wasn’t too much of a problem and it’s seasonal so not as time consuming over summer. Since then he started cricket which has filled in the summer months and he now taken up golf. The golf is my main bugbear as it’s so time consuming. For example last week he playing Friday evening then Saturday and Sunday morning. In my opinion it’s a piss take and it’s causing a massive impact on our relationship. He does less and less around the house and I work 12hour shifts so on my days at work nothing seems to get done. We have no children and our only ties are the house we share. Am I reasonable to leave him over this? Is this likely to get better? If we have children will all the work fall to me? I think I know the answer but hoping for some wiser input if anyone has any…

Finish this one sided relationship asap.
His love of golf will escalate if you have children.
You are still very young! Please don’t waste your time on this man!!

You don’t sound compatible. He needs to be with someone who plays golf or likes a lot of time to herself and you need to be with someone who wants to spend more time doing things with you. Neither of you can change who you are so you probably do need to end it.i

He probably does want a family (at some point at least) he just envisions delegating all the work involved to the OP as “woman’s work”.

Neither do I, as I said in my other post. However, if doesn't make him a loser.

Which is what I said in my other post, however, that doesn't make him a loser.

Not doing his share of the housework but he’s not a loser @AmelieSummer25 ?

He would have been a perfect boyfriend for 27 year old me. I like time to myself too.
My DH always had a day at the weekend with his mates playing golf. I think it's good for his mental health to be outside, chatting through worries with his pals, in the fresh air. We both worked full time city jobs in the week and socialised with work colleagues 3-4 nights a week then too.

He's 27. Independence is a good thing.

Just sounds like you are incompatible rather than that he's selfish.

When we had kids he was very hands on and dropped down to playing once a month. Now he takes our son for some bonding and I assure you there is LITERALLY nothing cuter than baby golf clubs.

As to housework, get a cleaner.

My Late DH was a golfer. If he sticks at it and is good at it then it won't get better. He may join a club and the subscriptions are usually expensive. He'll want more and better equipment as he progresses. My DH must have spent tens of thousands on clubs, electric carts, golf bags, clothing, balls, gloves, distance meters and goodness knows what else over the decades. As well as the regular weekends being eaten away with you left doing everything, there will be club days out and competitions. Evenings at the driving range to practice. Then the lads weeks/weekends away to golf resorts such as Spain and Portugal. When we did go away on family holidays he preferred to go somewhere that had a golf course nearby and he would take his clubs and disappear for odd days to play. I would never recommend marriage to someone who is a keen golfer.

Let me put it this way: when I met the man I have been with for 35 years, I told him I didn't mind the other sports but could he please give up the golf? (He wasn't actively playing at the time but he had done so and owned 2 sets of golf clubs). He agreed that whole days/weekends spent playing golf were not compatible with a relationship and raising a family and has not played a round of golf since.

If your man can't see that, he is not the man for you sadly. Though I have to say, throwing up due to excessive drinking would be an automatic no from me even regardless of the golf.

As someone who is a golf “widow” I say RUN and don’t look back, find someone who hates golf instead.

Selfish and immature- why would he change? You do all the donkey work and he plays all day

He’s showing you what’s important to him. Listen to that. Go and find a place where YOU are important

You need to: dump him and find a better one.

He needs to: enjoy being single and hire a cleaner.

Everyone's happy.

No, not doing his share of housework is unacceptable, lazy, unfair, entitled a number of other things. But it doesn't make him a loser. He's doesn't spend his time wasted on drugs or cheating on the OP or any other kind of behaviour I'd ascribe to a loser.

His golf buddies etc are more important to him than you be grateful you don't have children with him as you'd be left literally holding the baby and doing everything.
Read lots of threads like yours these types of men can't see further than the end of their own nose.

I assume you are also referring to all the female golfers

Lots of good advice here op.

As mellow pink dear says, listen to his actions not his words.

He wants a busy independent life separate from you. That works for some couples but you’re not happy and he’s not willing to compromise or prioritise you . If you had kids yes you would be left holding the baby.

I would leave and hold out for better.

I would leave. Don't spend your weekends lonely and resentful. Find someone who wants to spend their time with you and values your company.
And absolutely do not have children with him!

You’ve tried talking to him. He’s not listening. Time to make the brave decision and to move on.

YANBU, get out now while you can and do NOT ever have children with him.

He won’t change and is treating your house like a B&B. You’re still very young and could meet someone else.

Laughing at the post saying a boyfriend “chatted through their worries with pals” whilst playing golf.
Never met a bloke yet (and I know loads who play as we’re at a time in life where most of us either play ourselves too or are quite happy for our partners to bugger off for hours at a time) who discusses anything of worth during a game beyond their own swing/aim/distance/clubs.

My DH has always been an ardent sports player. Just before we got married, his mum offered to buy him an (expensive) golf membership. I said no way, as we were about to have kids. He agreed that then was not the right time to commit to such a hobby. When he played squash, he would book games for after the kids’ bedtimes. If he wanted to watch football on a Saturday afternoon, he would take the kids out all morning to give me some time to myself in lieu.
Only when they got older and more self-sufficient did the sport-playing ramp up more and I was fine with that. Now we’re retired, we do a lot of it together -golf, pickleball, swimming, cycling and walking.

Pre-kids is exactly the time to do this stuff … I wish I’d made more of my time before having children. Get a few hobbies yourself