To leave my boyfriend over his golfing?

[Thepanicyears]

Am I being unreasonable to complain about how much time my boyfriend spends playing sport?

we are both 27, when we met he played rugby only. Training 1-2 times a week on an evening and games on a Saturday. This wasn’t too much of a problem and it’s seasonal so not as time consuming over summer. Since then he started cricket which has filled in the summer months and he now taken up golf. The golf is my main bugbear as it’s so time consuming. For example last week he playing Friday evening then Saturday and Sunday morning. In my opinion it’s a piss take and it’s causing a massive impact on our relationship. He does less and less around the house and I work 12hour shifts so on my days at work nothing seems to get done. We have no children and our only ties are the house we share. Am I reasonable to leave him over this? Is this likely to get better? If we have children will all the work fall to me? I think I know the answer but hoping for some wiser input if anyone has any…

Get out now while you’re still young. Imagine how useless he’ll be if you have kids

Sounds like he doesn't want to spend much time with you. Leave him and get on with your life, you want a serious relationship, he doesnt.

Don't leave because of golf. But do leave because he doesn't put the relationship in a high regard.

Haha I’m retired and I want my DH to start playing golf again (he stopped when we had DC) just to get him out of the house!

However you are perfectly entitled to end a relationship for whatever reason you like OP, and it doesn’t sound like much of a relationship if you’re a golf widow.

Thats all you need to kno really.

I can assure you, once kids are on the scene, he will golf more, not less.

You are clearly just his house maid. You tried talking to him, he has not changed a bit. He won't change.

You are so young at 27. Life is ahead of you. Dump his sorry arse and find someone who respects you.

I live in an area where a LOT of the men play golf. Thankfully my DH doesn’t. So many of the women I know just parent solo most of the weekend as standard. And it’s not just that playing a round takes ages, it’s always drinks afterwards as well. You’re better off out of that!

You don't need a "valid" reason to leave a relationship. Just not feeling it is reason enough. But him taking you for granted and using you as a second source of income and a house hold appliance would be enough to make me want to leave too.

My DP likes long distance hiking. But he also likes me and our DD, so he goes hiking for a night or two a few times a year. He was half complaining this week that I’ve filled up too many of our weekends with visits to friends and family as he wants time just as a 3. He was right, we’ve been packing too much in! Men like this exist and everyone deserves one! (If it suits them, of course. It suits me!)

Why is it OP's responsibility to fill the gap of her partner's laziness? If he doesn't want to do his share of the house work, he should be the one getting a cleaner, but he is dumping the mental load of this on her too.

OP is not his god damn assistant. She is his partner, but he is not acting like it.

Don't have children with him op as he won't change. Throw this one back and find someone who makes time for you.

Did you miss the part where the OP said he’s doing less and less work around the house? He sounds like a misogynist who thinks he can fill his days with activities he wants to do while the little woman (who also works FT) will take care of him and the house. So yes, a loser.

@Thepanicyears sounds like you would just be another good widow.
Honestly the amount of posts about golf.
I don’t think I could a man who played because of it .

You are correct about being at home vending and looking after kids as working . While he plays.

He is not relationship material at least with another person. He is relationship material with himself.

I'm.a golf widow, but I'm OK with it. I.like time to myself. DH plays early on the weekends, so that he's home by lunchtime or earlier. He has a very stressful, sedentary job, so golf is both great exercise and mental relaxation.

I adapt to his golf. We plan our holidays around golf, which is no bad thing. Most golf clubs are near/in lovely resorts with pools etc. Plus I get to indulge mine and DS love of camping (which DH detests) when we head to the Open.

It's my fault in the first place, since I bought him a lesson and he took to it.

Isn't the whole point of living together before marriage/children to test out what life with that person is like?
If you're not happy, get out. Don't ever expect another person to change because they won't.

Do you really think it’s your fault? Really?

Thats passive aggressive behaviour and not a good sign for the future if this is how he chooses to address issues in your relationship.

I'm 22 years into a relationship with someone who has an all-consuming sporting hobby. We live where we live due to his hobby. I could not continue my career properly due to the fact my career was London-based and the commute was ridiculous. We have 2 Dcs one of whom has significant SEN and I am most definitely the primary parent but in the past 5 years or so he has stepped up to that.

Won't lie- I have had several episodes of deep and overwhelming resentment over all of this. I have thought I would leave also several times- but realised that if I left him I would see him even less . Now I am in an easy state about it in that i have my own hobbies now the Dcs are older and I often take them on holidays without DH. He has to come on our big annual holiday, no arguments, but other than that I take the Dcs myself. DH does not like holidays very much and for me they are everything, so I do what I need to do. DH also realises how much we give up for his hobby and he takes care to honour that now and appreciate that and so he will 'make up' for it in various ways. He is very vocal about how much he appreciates that we live where we live, that he is able to do his thing at weekends etc and that in the past (he is now retired) his annual leave was largely hobby-based.

My take on it- It's not ideal. While I am happy now and content and we have a content family life, if DH being around more and doing more with me was a deal-breaking issue then I would have left years ago. We have worked out a situation that now works for us but that took some hard years to get to.

I think only you can decide if it is worth it. For me, yes I think it was worth it. But that's me and my situation. If your partner is not going to step up in any way and prioritise you and potential children then don't goo into that without being clear headed about it.

Good luck!

In our 20s, DH played cricket in the summer, hockey in the winter and golf every other Sunday. I had horses 😊
Then we bought a house, got married and had DC. He has played 3 rounds of golf in 10 years, he gave up hockey, unfortunately cricket persists but only 1 game per week. Some men don’t change but some do!

This is our life! Luckily DH not interested in competitions, and doesn't stay for drinks afterwards.

I do love a roadtrip challenge, and planning US trips (in the non-Trump years) around golf clubs is always fun.

Get out now. He's steadily increasing the time he doesn't spend with you. That not a healthy, committed relationship.

It's a massive risk, though - isn't it?

@VickyEadieofThigh oh absolutely and the sport is just one element of it - DH had always pulled his weight round the house, been hugely supportive of my career and generally a pretty 50/50 partner. He also knew having DC would require him (us) to change lifestyle massively, so we waited until we felt ready to change.
Now DC are older we are actually moving somewhat back to our previous lifestyle - he’s getting more involved at the cricket club and squeezing golf games in, I’m back to getting up at the crack of dawn to drive pony and child halfway across the county to trot round an arena for 4 minutes 🤣

More & more females take part every year in v.time consuming sport e.g. golf, hiking, cycling, endurance events - its healthy, gets them out of the house (nb much less housework) and often rewarding with friendships & social events. Some may not so enamoured of the idea, infact might be totally scared off at 27 & childless, at the thought of staying at home, doing housework, pondering how it all needs to be given up when kids arrive, socials restricted to family events with the lure of plumped up cushions, great TV, reading books & paying off your mortgage early - infact many on here might tell those young 27 sporty, living life females to run ....and don't stop. You may not be suited and have different life objectives but he's not a loser either

I divorced my ex-husband because of his obsession with his sport (cricket, then golf,two club memberships for the golf) and all consuming job. I eventually realised through therapy that he was using golf and his job to avoid me, it wouldn't have got any better even if he'd given it up. He was emotionally unavailable and very passive aggressive. Not husband or father material. Is your boyfriend the same? Mine liked having 'someone at home'. I can't believe the arrogance of him.

I was your age when we married. I wasted the best years of my life waiting for him. I would advise you to leave.