‘Don’t splash me!’

[Justputsomecocoabutteronit]

Having a short, four day holiday with Dp & Dd.
We went to the beach this morning, Dd very excited & happy. She ran into the sea, Dp came in with swim shorts on and stood there to get used to the sea. Dd playfully kick splashed him with water, he sharply shouted ‘Don’t do that! Don’t splash me with water!’ Dd looked a bit shocked and said ‘Sorry’ quietly
Sat at the coffee part and Dp starts talking to me about insurance payments he has to sort for his bike, whilst i’m chatting happily with dd and looking at the blue sea.
We drive to the restaurant for lunch, Dd needs a poo so he’s going slightly fast, a man crosses the road, I say ‘Careful! The man crossing the road’ more because I’m anxious of these things, he gets so angry and saying awful things to me and how I don’t need to tell him how to drive etc.

Is all this normal? Feel so low

I know women like this. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Sadly they don’t really warn you about it before you have them!

Honestly, I’ve said ‘Don’t slash me!!’ Many times befire. I hate when people do that (even more so when it’s done on purpose).
If your dd reacted to way she did (making herself small, apologies etc…), I’d suspect one of two things (or both) 1- his tone if voice was very harsh 2- she quite used to bring told off like this and knows how to smooth over things (apologies etc.l.).

The comment about the man? Again, it depends how iften it happens, if you’ve been told to not comment before etc… Because let’s be honest, it’s annoying yo have someone commenting on your driving constantly. My mum does that to my dad all the time and I’ve swore I’d never do it myself. Fir a start, it makes everyone more tense and more likely to not spot things.

HOWEVER, I’m also getting that him shouting at you and your dd p, being grumpy etc… is a common experience and doesn’t reflect the constantly putting down and walking on eggshells you’re both experiencing.
In which case, ignore those two incidents and look at the whole picture. How are you feeling around him? Does he bring you joy and happiness? Are you walking in eggshell etc… Looking at those two might not tell you the whole picture.

Can’t stand passenger drivers - did you really think he didn’t see the man?
He seems like he needs a bit longer to get into vacation mode!

@Justputsomecocoabutteronit wild stab in the dark - are you on holiday in Cornwall, and were you in St Ives yesterday?

If you don't separate then she will most likely end up in a similar kind of relationship because you showed her abusive behaviour from men is to be tolerated

Yep. If you're sure @Justputsomecocoabutteronit , that there's no hope of salvaging the relationship, then it's better that you seperate for your DD's sake. It's harmful for her to grow up in a toxic environment. There's a good chance she'll end up in bad relationships too, if it's all she's known.

Are you both getting enough sleep?

I think you should take more tobacco with it.

LTB, then.

No why?

It's always cold.

I don't like being splashed and the water is always cold. But I really don't like the sound of your not dear husband. Id divorce him like I did my own fing fun sponge ex h.

If this was a women to a man there would be a like on of users telling the women she’s just having a laugh and the man is controlling.

such a BS post and replied.

grow up OP. No one likes having cold water thrown on them

I don’t like the shock of cold water. If he was standing trying to get used to the sea water he is probably the same. I don’t like to be splashed. Did he not see the man crossing the road?

Is there any fun in your marriage and family life? Was this a one off?

I think at 4 it's old enough to understand that deliberately splashing people with cold water is annoying, and if you do it, people are likely to get annoyed. Sharply saying 'don't splash me' is ok. Getting really angry or yelling is disproportionate. From your OP, it sounded like the former to me

I have fun with Dd alone and with my family (parents, sister etc) and friends

Op I too think this is about more than water and insurance. My exH was like this on vacation. Always snarling about something. Seemingly always annoyed with either me or dc for pretty routine behavior. I divorced him. When you cant even be fun or have fun on vacation surely it indicates something is amiss. You certainly have gotten some mixed reviews on this thread but I do think he’s ridiculous to sharply scold a dc for splashing while standing in the damn ocean. Also is he the same kind of guy if you didn’t say “hey careful watch” while driving would them scold and berate and blame you if he drove over the hapless pedestrian? If you can’t leave now enjoy your dc on your own. Plan and do with them and don’t worry about him. Think about how you could leave him or set up a different life or perhaps get him to move back to your country. Lastly think carefully about successfully changing this trajectory with yet another child. I had 2 but forgo my desire for a third so I could get out and get away.

My ex used to make every holiday a miserable experience no matter where we went or how great the place was. I resorted to going on holiday on my own with my Dd. I understand why you feel sad about your dp not being able to enjoy the moment and lashing out at you and Dd... he probably won't change, you could try couples counselling? I tried it then divorced my ex because it didn't make any difference. Do you want to sign up for many more years like this or would you be happier solo living in a better atmosphere?

Such a good point about the driving. If something occurred because the op noticed a hazard but didn't say so, I wonder who's fault that would be? There are millions of bad drivers out there, many with a silent spouse sitting beside them.

I'd rather be a backseat driver and my kid be alive than a silent passenger risking an accident.

This is so common, and is definitely a sex thing. I refuse to believe there are dads out there who have given up on their grumpy, vibe killing wives and take their kids on holiday alone.

Same. I would have also scolded my dc for splashing. Very naughty thing to do especially as they will think it’s ok to do to others.

Though if it were, it would completely let men off the hook, because it would mean they can't help it.

And this is the problem with making critical generalisations about men. If what you're saying is true of all men then it's intrinsic and there's no hope of it changing.

No. You need to be able to point to men who aren't like that, in order to demonstrate that there's the possibility of change in any man.

Same applies to politicians, hairdressers, cats, mothers-in-law, kids today - any group of whom MN is eager to make critical generalisations.

I saw a young couple in St Ives the other day - she was pushing the buggy on ahead, and her partner was behind with the little girl who was having a bit of a tantrum and didn't want to walk. In a flash of rage he picked the little girl up off her feet and into the air by her forearm and shook her. It happened quite fast and the mum didn't see what he'd done at all. He then walked past us and took the screaming inconsolable tot over to the mum, and I had 'a word' with him as he passed me. If he'd shown any sign whatsoever of continuing to be like that with either the kid or the mum, I had my phone in my hand ready to film him doing it, and I would have called the police. It was a really busy street and if he's abusive towards the little child in public, it made me wonder what he's like behind closed doors.

I asked if it was you because you said you were on holiday, and you never know - stranger coincidences have happened.

So if anyone else was in St Ives on Thursday, and your partner was wearing a burgundy t-shirt and nonchalantly eating a Cornish pasty whilst you tried to stop your child from crying hysterically... now you know why.