‘Don’t splash me!’

[Justputsomecocoabutteronit]

Having a short, four day holiday with Dp & Dd.
We went to the beach this morning, Dd very excited & happy. She ran into the sea, Dp came in with swim shorts on and stood there to get used to the sea. Dd playfully kick splashed him with water, he sharply shouted ‘Don’t do that! Don’t splash me with water!’ Dd looked a bit shocked and said ‘Sorry’ quietly
Sat at the coffee part and Dp starts talking to me about insurance payments he has to sort for his bike, whilst i’m chatting happily with dd and looking at the blue sea.
We drive to the restaurant for lunch, Dd needs a poo so he’s going slightly fast, a man crosses the road, I say ‘Careful! The man crossing the road’ more because I’m anxious of these things, he gets so angry and saying awful things to me and how I don’t need to tell him how to drive etc.

Is all this normal? Feel so low

That's an awful lot of exaggeration and assumption, followed by a big, steaming lump of self satisfaction.

Make a plan to restart an i dependent life. Go home with your dd if you can and settle back i your home country. You sound like you accepted the ex pat life with him thinking the ex pat lifestyle would be worth it. But what price childhood memories of the beach with sulky, snappy, irritable dad?

“Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.”

The splashing of water comment sounds a bit unkind and unnecessary, but the driving comment would have infuriated me too. My husband says similar things, as though I am driving with a blindfold on and can’t see a thing! Holidays can be so stressful though, especially when it’s hot, and even more so with a young child to entertain.

🤗

Oh that sounds all sorts of wrong to me.

I hate being splashed and I’ve snapped at my dc for doing it, and their reaction is usually along the lines of “oh sorry mum, I forgot” and offering me a cold wet hug instead. But vanishing smiles? No.

It sounds like you both have to walk on eggshells around him, and not be spontaneous, natural and unguarded in your reactions.

Is he abusive in other ways too?

I think this is the crux of the matter. I'm sure OP could regale us with many many more instances of H being a prick, ruining family time with his shitty attitude, etc etc then blaming her.

If he randomly started talking about an insurance payment right after this it sounds like HE doesn't want to be there at all. But he's not man enough to use his words and say hey we have a problem here, I hate you and our child so instead he shows it with his actions.

OP if I were you I'd do some serious thinking about how a separation would look and work. Then I'd make my plans and get to it. Don't endanger yourself, take your time and do it right. This is no way to live for any of you. 💝

What awful things does he say, could you expand?
How are you trapped living abroad?

@swimsong she wrote the water was cold in one of the replies

If my kids splash me in swimming pool I tell them I’m getting out. It creates a weird reaction in me I could honestly go mental at them .

Because you have to ask the fathers permission before taking them abroad

Can you not dump him and live separately in the same country? Do you have any legal protections in place, being legally single? Financially independent?
(Don't mean to interrogate, there just far more important matters in this relationship than water/insurance)

Very hard to make enough money to be financially independent here, I could easily in the uk

I agree with the person above. My Dad was like this, my ex (long term partner) was like this, my current partner is like this and at least one of my friends’ husband is like this. They just don’t have much patience in my experience and it seems the poster above had similar experiences. Just because you’re lucky enough to not have experienced it doesn’t mean it’s not common. Your friends likely hide their partners grumpiness from you because it’s embarrassing.

Then you have to play the long game. What would your rights be if you could go home with her? Could you refuse to bring her back?

Him moaning about being splashed - Not unreasonable

Talking about insurance - Unreasonable and boring

You moaning about his driving - Unreasonable (and very Hyacinth Bucket)

Sorry you've had those experiences 😒

I’d probably have said the same re the splashing as I hate being splashed. He could have been a little gentler though, as she’s only little but guess he was shocked and the water is freezing in the UK.

Fun sponge - has he ever met a child before?

The whole point of going on trips like that, with children is to play and have fun. I am a rubbish swimmer, hate getting my face wet, but it’s hard not to be sucked into the ‘play’ when you see how much enjoyment it gives them. I stop short of water boarding, but in the sea, what was he expecting warm, dry nothing? Stand still and discuss the household budget? Time and a place - that one was for playing.
My dh is similar, dc are now grown up but we still talk about the ‘snowball incident’ and the ensuing sulk. Apparently that was cold too - who knew 🤷‍♀️

It all sounds like a non-event from your post but you’re clearly not happy. You not being happy with his topics of conversation could easily be seen as controlling from your side. Lots of people wouldn’t be happy with a 6 year old splashing them. But you’re not happy. Focus on you OP. Figure out your plan. If it means living with less then do it.

Sounds like a standard family day out to me. On this occasion DH over-reacted, other times it will be you.

I've never had a family day out with DCs without one of them getting upset about something. That's family life - you just ride the wave, don't make it into a big issue & focus on the positives.

In the overall scheme of things not something to worry about.

Unless there are underlying issues that you haven't told us about...

I’ve never known a man like this. Maybe meet better men

This. Some parents are such martyrs. Having to go inside at 8pm on holiday! Really? 😂 My kids are all adults now and still remember some great holidays together but there were still boundaries and expectations of behaviour as the holiday was for everyone not just them.

Op are you going to let us know what these “horrible things” he says are?

without that I tend to think he’s done nothing wrong tbh

Just read the whole thread - this isn't about your DC splashing DP in the face is it? You have bigger concerns about your relationship.

When my DCs were young we lived in a seaside town. They (like me) learned to swim in the sea. Splashing was encouraged as wanted them to feel confident.

But this isn't the real issue is it OP? You have bigger concerns about your relationship.

OP you seem to have specific ideas about how you want your perfect holiday to go, and he’s not living up to them.

Generally it sounds like you’re not on the same wavelength as your DP and it’s making you unhappy. Are you looking for signs that the relationship is bad, or are these minor niggles that need putting into perspective?

Wow he sounds like horrible man.