Don’t want Pick Me at our wedding

[BarbourAnne]

I’m a bit hormonal at the moment so may well be unreasonable.

DP has a long standing friend (she’s long-term married) who is a typical pick me girl. Does the same male dominate sport, seen as one of the guys so when she grabs an arse it “doesn’t mean anything” and is generally very outgoing and out there.

Truth be told I’ve never liked her, but keep my distance. She’s the sort who will grope a fella, and then when challenged say it doesn’t mean anything but “I’m sorry if I offended you”. As if you’re the one with the problem not her.

Anyway. We’re now trying to organise a wedding and DP wants her to come. I haven’t seen her for 3 years. It is not a case of I don’t know her, so I don’t want her to come. I actively dislike her. I don’t want her feeling up my groom on our wedding day as “banter”.

He is saying all his other sporting mates are coming, and it will look odd if she isn’t invited. Personally I don’t care. Let it look odd. Or tell everyone I don’t like her so don’t want her there. Make me the bad guy, I don’t care. But this is the price she pays for her behaviour.

I would never tell him who he can and can’t be friends with, but I don’t spend time with her, and I don’t take “that’s just the way she is” or “it doesn’t mean anything she’s married” as a reason for her behaviour.

When I am married will it be ok to go and sit on some male friends lap, grab his arse etc? Of course not.

So the OP's fiance isn't putting HER in an uncomfortable position then?!

Good grief.

My fiance would not be marrying me if he prioritised this pervy sex pest over me.

If she groped my husband I’d start groping her and see what she thought of that.

It's really not. She doesn't get an invite. The end. Easy peasy.

Exactly this. Sorry @BarbourAnne but your fiance sounds really weak and lame, and he seems to care more about pleasing his sex pest female friend than making his wife-to-be happy. I honestly don't understand why you would want to marry this man. He is showing you who is NOW. He will not change. You will never be number 1.

I wouldn’t be marrying a man who didn’t consider my feelings either but this is MN and we all have to roll over so not to look controlling and let guys do what they want and then make posts complaining that our men don’t respect our boundaries.

This. Batshit isn't it?!

Your wedding, your rules. Don’t back down.

just like I said....no balls.

His wedding, his rules? Or no?

hahahahaha absolutely this.

My DP knows someone like this at his male dominated hobby group. I'm wondering if it's the same person!!
She doesn't get an invite to the wedding. Like you've said who bloody cares if she gets the hump about it. Everyone else will know why she hasn't been invited. It's your day and there should not be anyone there who you know may upset you or DP.

yes this absolutely.....but if two people have different behaviour boundaries then better to know BEFORE the wedding yes?

Have you asked him how he'd feel about you inviting a male friend who would probably grope your arse but 'it's only banter'? You're not BU in the slightest! You don't have to invite someone to your wedding who you actively dislike!

Jfc she could fuck right off

You are not wrong, but it will cause tension in the group to not invite one person. However if team and partners invited and likely to be someone offended and kicking off about her behaviour i would not have her there to avoid any scene at wedding between her and any of the other wives if she doesn't behave.

I would not be confident that your DP actually does tell her “no” when you aren’t around to see it OP. It sounds like he loves the attention, tbh.

I would bet £100 that he has not, in fact, ever told her to stop other than that one time in front of you. She sounds dreadful, but so do the men in the group. I'd throw this one back.

The problem is your DP, who doesn't see anything wrong with her behaviour. He's the problem because his bar on friendships is very low. So if it isn't this person it will be someone else.

you've got to decide if he's the type of man you want to marry and put up with. He sounds horrendous, him and his sporting mates and this woman on tow. Urgh.

Sorry, cross post!

Right. He is choosing to allow a creepy handsy woman in his life. She very definitely has a fiance problem.

I find the whole “pick me” thing is often just an example of women being bitchy towards other women.

You sound a bit competitive with her. You feel that she is pissing on him like a dog marking her territory. Perhaps she is just behaving with him as she has always done in their longstanding friendship. It doesn't sound like your husband thought she was inappropriate.

Most people will dislike at least one of their DH’s friends. It doesn’t mean they ban them from their wedding!

At this stage we don’t know what the knock on effect of not inviting team sports girl to the wedding might be. It could lead to all sorts of conflicts and potentially long term resentments from different parties. Who wants to plan a wedding with that in the background? I’m not saying it’s always best to keep the peace. But easy peasy? No.

Hmm. Do you object to the men's banter as strongly? It seems unlikely that she's the only one in the group who finds it funny?

There are some women who grovel and beg for men's attention above all. they are Pickmes, easy to spot.

This particular pickme is creepy and handsy. Super easy to figure this out, she doesn't get an invite. Sorted.