To wonder if it’s rude to ask how old someone is?

[theydidreallywell]

DD(4) is constantly asking people how old they are. I’ve been told it’s rude and to stop her, it hadn’t really occurred to me it was rude but wondering if it actually is.

I don’t think it’s rude but I’m not ashamed of how old I am.

I can only hope I meet someone like you in real life one day so I can ask a perfectly reasonable question and delight in their absolutely unnecessary horror.

As an aside, if a whole group of people is happy discussing such topics why do still consider that rude? One person/group’s rude is another’s normal conversation. You can’t impose your opinion of what constitutes manners on everyone else.

I can only hope I meet someone like you in real life one day so I can ask a perfectly reasonable question and delight in their absolutely unnecessary horror.

As an aside, if a whole group of people is happy discussing such topics why do still consider that rude? One person/group’s rude is another’s normal conversation. You can’t impose your opinion of what constitutes manners on everyone else.

Why is your age a sensitive issue though unless you think there is some value attached to it? It’s literally just a fact. It doesn't have the same connotations as weight (which also shouldn’t be a value judgement but fatphobia exists).

If she appeared out of the blue and said “hi, how old are you?” Yes, that’s a weird opener. If you were already chatting, it’s a reasonable thing to drop into conversation when you’re getting to know each other.

As I said above, we were brought up differently and have a different idea of good manners. I don't think asking personal questions that may make others uncomfortable, is reasonable. If you asked me personal questions, I'd ignore them.

I tend to avoid people I consider rude.

Before this thread it would never have occurred to me that asking how old someone is would be considered rude. After this thread, I’ve found out some people do think that, which I consider ridiculous, so I’ll keep doing it when it’s relevant to the conversation.

I understood you consider basic manners ridiculous. This is the fundamental difference between us, you revel in making others uncomfortable and I try not to make people feel uncomfortable. Ultimately manners are about common courtesy.

I really don’t know why it is considered rude-I don’t mind at all when children ask me (I teach) and I don’t mind telling adults either!

The childs not even 60 months.
Kids have no filter at that age it wouldn't bother me one bit and dont bother me.
I dont have kids but when im around them i admire their honesty they can be brutal little shits.
I once got told by a 5 year old why do you have a fat tummy mums face went red i said well shes not wrong lol.
Another time years ago a child asked how old are you the mum saying stop being nosy sorry about that.
I said well im 20 plus 11 equals my age.
She replied whats plus i sad add 20 add 11 ten fingers plus 1 finger.
Quite the math challenge for her.
Bless her she started counting.
No offence taken.
Once had a little boy that said very loudly mummy that ladys toes look ugly.
Not like yours mummy she hurryed him off the bus.
I had to laugh tbh i didn't paint them that day just a kid telling me to take some pride in my feet.

That's the one I use!

And I hope you get quite a sharp response

If someone wants to reveal their age that's fine. If they haven't, assume they don't

Just because you don't mind does not mean that other people think the same - just accept that they do mind

Well yes if they say they don’t want to tell me I’d accept that and move on but it’s a reasonable thing to ask in the context of getting to know someone.

People are always asking children how old they are so it won't seem rude to her at all. If people ask her why can't she ask them
But some adults will find it rude so I would suggest that she doesn't ask them unless it's close family
I know exactly how old all my friends are though so must have either asked the at some point or they told me I can't remember

The problem is they may feel it's rude not to answer but not want you to know. Why is it important?

Yes this. I think the fact we ask children and let them know it's fine for a young person but rude to ask an older person ingrains the idea that being old is bad.

No wonder we are such an ageist society.

Do you have any close friends? And if so don't you know personal information about them?
If not I don't understand how you can say you know them well. If you don't know personal information about anyone it sounds as though your relationships are very superficial

She’s just a child. If someone doesn’t want to answer, that’s prerogative.

From a child it's awkward. An adult, rude.

Or like my cousin, who I work with (her DH owns the company) asking at the morning tea table last week, with half the office sitting there... 'you can't be far off the big 5-0 now, could you? You're not that much younger than me'. I just reminded her I was the youngest cousin... by quite a few years. 🤣 Conversation over....

I don't need to know how much someone earns or how old someone is to be friends with them. It's a bit of a silly question because if you're a close friend, you'll celebrate birthdays.

I ask people all the time. I’m 37.

No, it really isn't.

You either get on with them or you don't

And in conversation you find out similarities and differences. How old they are is irrelevant (unless relationships where it is important)

This is confusing for a child I think. My son is very into ages, and the other day a neighbor asked him his age, he answered, and asked hers. She said to guess, but didn't end up telling him her age. She was very nice, but the idea that something is rude to ask a grownup but not a kid isn't very consistent.

Children are asked how old they are all the time. Even by complete strangers. To a child, it must seem like a normal part of a conversation.

It would be confusing for a child to be told that it's ok for them to be asked how old they are by anyone and everyone, but they must never ask a grown up their age just in case that grown up is very sensitive about the fact that they have been alive for as many years as they have.

I don't like the fact I'm as old as I am. But I understand people are curious about the answer. Its part of getting to know another person. If doesn't define them but it's part of them. Do if someone asks me I'll tell them the truth even if I don't like it. Whilst I don't think it's rude, I would be careful about asking another person. I'd use my own intuition with the timing.