To wonder if it’s rude to ask how old someone is?

[theydidreallywell]

DD(4) is constantly asking people how old they are. I’ve been told it’s rude and to stop her, it hadn’t really occurred to me it was rude but wondering if it actually is.

My 4yo is also obsessed with people’s ages. I think it’s processing what the different numbers mean in real life situations. Eg she knows my nan is old, my nan says she is 85, then asks me knows I’m a grown up but not old like nanny, I’m 35. So she’s building an understanding on what those numbers mean? But it is very annoying, she’ll get on this train of thought about 3 times a week at least at the moment!

I was brought up to not ask people's ages because irs rude but I've never really understood why that's the case.

I don't care if someone asks me and I'll answer truthfully. If I'd tell someone my name, I'd be equally happy to tell them my age.

So I wouldn't tell some random bloke in the street but I wouldn't tell some random bloke in the street my name either.

I don't think it's rude. I can't understand why some people are so sensitive about it. I am the age I am and I don't mind saying it aloud.

Is only rude if you buy into the fact that old = bad. I personally choose not to believe that rubbish so I wouldn’t consider it rude if someone asked me how old I am.

I don’t mind being asked

It's fine, my answer is usually 21 and a bit.

Oh for goodness sake, she's FOUR. A four year old asking questions like this is not rude.

One of my colleagues asked me how old i was the other day. When I told him, he was flatteringly disbelieving....but still not rude. He is from a culture where older women are massively valued, which is interesting.

How is it personal information? Anyone could log onto the general register office and find a copy of your birth certificate. It’s hardly asking someone the colour of their nipples or when they last had a poo!

How is it personal information? Anyone could log onto the general register office and find a copy of your birth certificate. It’s hardly asking someone the colour of their nipples or when they last had a poo!

Why would someone do that? Personal means it's private. Some people were brought up to respect the privacy of others. I don't ask personal questions out of consideration for others.

If people did that to find out how old I am, it would be beyond weird. At least I'd know to stay away from them.

I agree it's impolite. I'd never ask.

small children, and i would consider 4 still a small child (vs a 10 year old) can get away with asking personal questions. not unusual for that age group to ask such things as; why is that man fat, why does that person stink, why does johnny have two daddies etc. but as they get older asking personal questions is rude, part of it is agism and a negative portrayal of the aging process.

most children and this goes on well into the teen years struggle to think that those people who are 20+ years older than them are not "ancient".

Family tree research? Because it’s public information and they’re nosy? The point is they could if they wanted. I’m not seeing how your age is private personal info, it’s just a fact? I wouldn’t hesitate to ask someone how old they were if we were having a conversation and I wanted to know.

Finally someone talking sense

I think you're right to tell her it's rude but I wouldn't think badly of a 4 year old who asks.

However it's different for adults. At a kid's party, a school mum, who I've barely spoken to in the past, said "Do you mind if I ask how old you are?" I responded with "Not at all. Do you mind if I ask how much you weigh?". She's not spoken to me since and I don't really care. She was only doing it because I am obviously older than most of the other mums and I suspect her and her friends were having a bit of a snigger about it.

It wouldn't be to me; especially from a child. A 4 year old is still trying to figure out aging and it is a question little kids get asked quite a bit so it may be confusing if she's getting asked it, but cannot ask it in return.

However, I know some people are really sensitive about it or have had bad experiences. I told my kids that some people don't like to talk about themselves, and as they got older, we discussed different ideas on personal information and personal questions, and that they don't typically have to answer while accepting there is rarely a polite way to avoid questions.

There is always going to be different opinions on asking personal information. Within my family, asking age wouldn't be rude, but many bad experiences mean asking where we're from is. I know some people love to ask and talk about where they're from. I hate it, and often find it rude. I probably wouldn't from a small child, but my bad experiences are largely with adults who are actually trying to ask 'why do you sound weird?' and having lived in areas where there is tension between locally born and those not, it's a loaded question. My kids and I have all had the experience of having someone go off that we 'don't sound local' and demand to know where we're from really (I have a mixed accent, my kids have a bit of mine, and a couple of my kids have speech-related disabilities that impacts how they talk).

I understand that we have a different understanding of what constitutes good manners and consideration for others.

You seem to be grasping at straws with your justification for asking personal questions. It's highly unlikely a member of your family doesn't know how old you are, or a vague acquaintance either has enough information to find your birth certificate or would go to that much effort.

I'm sure you wouldn't hesitate to ask all manner of personal questions. You probably chew with your mouth open and hover over people withdrawing cash because you have no sense of decorum.

Apparently when I was 4 or 5 I replied to an adult asking how old I was “Don’t you know it is not polite to ask a lady her age?’

Who are you, a walking incarnation of a Victorian edition of Debrett’s? Thanks for a good laugh at the last sentence though.

No, people probably wouldn’t look up your birth certificate online when they could just….ask you how old you are, which is a perfectly normal and reasonable thing to ask. Wait til you hear about how my circle also discusses our earnings, you’d combust.

This is absolutely unhinged. If you’d have responded like that to me I’d have matter of factly told you my weight (10st, if you’re interested) and said so, your age?

I'm not surprised in the least that you and your 'circle' are no holds barred; basic manners are unfathomable to some.

I would be delighted that a child likes to engage in conversation as the art of it is dying plus she is only 4. I would see it as an opener and ask questions back. If adults ask it really depends on context. Was chatting to a chap in the shop I volunteer in. He mentioned fighting in the Falklands, I had watched the fleet set sail so said so, so he asked my age it was perfectly fine.

From an adult yes, from a 4 year old no. I'll bet people often ask her age without a second thought.

Why would you be asking a virtual stranger their age? I specifically mentioned weight because I suspected it would be a sensitive subject for her. I was right.

Too true 😂