Mum leaving us an unequal inheritance

[InWithPeaceOutWithStress]

I have two sisters, youngest is 25 and still living at home and not working. Failed her degree as got very anxious about one (or two, not sure) of her exams and didn’t sit it. Hasn’t worked or done anything since.

Mum leaving house to her as she sees it as being equally her house whereas me and other sibling have since moved out. Feels really unfair that she is gifted a free home for life whereas we are saddled with our mortgages. Have never received financial help from my parents as an adult, nothing toward house deposit. Mum also has £180k savings which she says will be split between the three of us. My view is that’s her retirement money and she will (and should!) spend it.

It’s her right to do what she wants with her money. I’ve said I expect nothing from her but equally she can expect nothing from me going forward. She has previously relied on me to help her out - DIY around the house, driving her and my little sister around, taking my sister to and from uni at the time, taking in her cats when they got old and needed taking to the vets, I would previously do anything she asked (within reason).

Feels like she’s just using me and if she isn’t treating us fairly she can’t expect as much from me. Previously I had accepted that care in her old age would fall to me, eg driving her to appointments, helping her navigate things and get the right care. As little sister is really passive. She doesn’t cook, clean etc, no interest in learning to drive, or do anything really. I think if little sister isn’t planning to work and simply live off inheritance she should step up with our mum. She’s only 66 and has just retired but she’s been a heavy drinker for decades, only gave up smoking fairly recently, doesn’t exercise, so serious health issues may not be far away. She also can be quite a mean spirited person, not particularly friendly, and can be very rigid.

Feels like the big hearted thing for me to do is simply get over it, continue as I would had she hadn’t told me this, and deal with any resentment within myself as my issue to fix. I also feel quite rigid about this though and feel like I really cba anymore with either her or little sister. AIBU?

No. That’s made perfectly clear in OP’s posts. Nothing to do with little sisters’ father - the property was and is owned by her mother

In no way do I think you are being unreasonable.
Perhaps have discussion with solicitor along lines of what can be done after your DM’s death, I believe Wills can be rewritten etc. etc..
Just a way to explain DM could be doing this; trying to make up for not being a perfect mother to little stay-@-home Sis? Maybe discuss that with DM? as it seems to me the house/home should actually be passed to the 2 children of the 1st husband?
I realise your DM is only 66, but, it’s surprising how much is forgotten even by that age. Wouldn’t hurt to remind her how much work you’ve put into the family.
I hope you reach a good conclusion with this.

Again – not everyone view it as 'punishment'. You can't claim that that's how the majority view money. Plenty of people of the thread are pointing out that her mother's money is none of OP's business. No one had exactly the same opportunities and upbringing – even siblings. There are way too many variables.

Leaving the half of the house to your sister won’t work unless she is under 60
the local authority can put a charge on your mums half still as your sister is under 60

84% has voted YANBU - the majority agree equality is the way to go

They would put a charge on the whole house. As it would be treated as deprivation of assets.

If she was over 60 when mum passed the property would still need to be in her name, or mum would have to stipulate a half share in her will - little sister currently doesn’t own any of it so would have no more claim than the other two sisters as things stand.

You can’t just sign your primary residence over to a relative and then claim you’ve no money for care, it’s not that simple. If it was everyone would do it.

As it stands, nobody is dying and you don’t know what’s state the finances will be in when she finally dies, it might be mostly a moot point.

You clearly don’t have a happy family unit with your mum and youngest sister, so I’m not sure why you seem to think this process would suddenly become fair and reasonable if she’s spent her life demonstrating behaviours that are the opposite of that.

This isn’t your sister’s fault, it’s the environment and relationship your mum has formed with you all from the beginning.

Firstly it is your mother's money to do with as she wishes. By leaving the house to your sister she is clearly hoping that she won't leave the home. Your mother benefits from the company and security that this brings.
Yes it's unfair that you have mortgages. But then it's also unfair that your DS has mental health/anxiety issues.
Yes, she should step up with your mothers care if and when the need arises.
All this is largely theoretical though. If your DS meets someone and moves out, then i'm sure that plans will change again. All your mother is doing is trying to look after her kids, in differing circumstances and with differing needs. I think that's understandable, although she should be aware about enabling her anxiety etc by sheltering her from the world too much.

I think OP you need to almost forget this inheritance or potential inheritance. As PP have posted she could whitter it away, it could go on care fees, she could live to 100. Who knows.
You've talked to her and she's resolute so that is that really.

There's a separate question about your involvement going forward with mum. If your sister is living with her then Id expect her to be taking on the burden of care, where required. And I suggest you just get involved.to the extent you feel like it but don't feel any obligation

If your Mother is mean spirited, presumably that's where you got it from.
With decent people, helping parents isn't transactional or based on what you are getting or expect to get in return. Grim.

Yep, the mandatory disregard only works if the direct relative is over 60 or disabled at the time the person needs to go into care. They also need to be resident in the property before the person goes into care, and the disregard only applies for as long as they are in residence. If they move out, the charge is applied, and it only applies to the original property - if they downsize any profit will be assessed for care fees.

He can’t bequeath a house he never owned

I'm very late to this thread and perhaps this point has already been made.

OP - you say you want your mother to be fair. Fairness is in the eye of the beholder. She thinks it is fair by dividing her estate according to need. You think fairness ignores a consideration of need.

If she leaves the house to the three of you your sister may not be able to rehouse herself. That's what she's thinking about. I think you should cut her some slack, but I also think she's wrong to transfer the house to your sister now. What if she falls out with her? Your mother could end up homeless.

There isn't a 'way to go' – because it's not OP's money. Equality vs equity is what matters in this context.

I also keep saying that the value of the house is of big significant here due to the life insurance money from little sister's dad being split, but OP is yet to say. If it's

In that case, the savings which came from the little sisters’ dad’s insurance policy should go to her, and the house - which he had nothing to do with - should be a fifty fifty split between OP and her older sister. Not all the family wealth came from little sisters’ dad.

Yep. Fuck this #bekind shit. Drop the rope. Your sister is getting a free house (btw, with no job, how will eventually she plan to pay all the related expenses like council tax etc). Your mother is still young; if she’s signing it over now, surely that’s deliberate deprivation of funds? Will your mother pay rent? So many legal/financial nuances here.

But, fundamentally, yes, your sister should now be considered to be your mother’s carer, in return for her free board, lodging and eventual house.

Are you likely to inherit from your father?

Is she trying to balance this out in any way?

I don't think providing your sister with the means not to launch will be good for her in the longer term. Plus as others have said, keeping the house may not be straightforward as much could happen in the coming years.

Inheritance tax and deprivation of assets are not the same.

If you have a relative over the age of 60 living in the house, or someone disabled, or your own child under 18, the LA will disregard. Otherwise, they will want their part of the property to pay the fees and about the only legal loophole for avoiding deprivation of assets. That is the part where over 60 comes into it.

For inheritance tax, you are correct, age is irrelevant. But if the OP"s mum continues to live in it, she has reservation of benefit and the whole estate will still be liable to inheritance tax. Or she has to pay full market rent to her daughter. Which the daughter would then be liable for tax on. Etc.

If OP not helping her mum is 'grim', why isn't it equally 'grim' that her sister who lives at home rent free, doesn't work and has no other commitments also isn't providing help to their mum? Is OP's sister also mean spirited for not doing any of this?

I can never understand why people do this. It's just so wrong.

If I were the youngest sister, I wouldn't want to take it all and if if it was left to me, I would share it out equally.

Of course you feel resentful, OP. How could you not?

They wouldn't. The sister lives there, the dm doesn't even need to sign it over. If another person is resident in a house it does not need to be sold to fund care.

This happened to someone I know, brother was single, working erratically, and still lived at home, got left the house outright (other brother who had mortage of his own, good job etc got nothing) and immediately remortgaged it, defaulted on the mortgage and the house was repossessed.
It would be a good idea for your mum to try and get your sister to a point where she is able to manage things for herself, get a job, build up a pension etc as its unlikely she'll be able to run the house herself if she does end up inheriting it. This probably means you doing less so she has to step up.

Thr dm is being grossly unfair regarding leaving it to the younger dsis. It should be shared equally between the 3 siblings.

Ive no idea why parents pull stunts like this, it will damage relationships now and of course once she has died. Just leave the younger dsis to do all the hospital appointments etc op and keep a bit of distance.

Its not about the money though is it?