Mum leaving us an unequal inheritance

[InWithPeaceOutWithStress]

I have two sisters, youngest is 25 and still living at home and not working. Failed her degree as got very anxious about one (or two, not sure) of her exams and didn’t sit it. Hasn’t worked or done anything since.

Mum leaving house to her as she sees it as being equally her house whereas me and other sibling have since moved out. Feels really unfair that she is gifted a free home for life whereas we are saddled with our mortgages. Have never received financial help from my parents as an adult, nothing toward house deposit. Mum also has £180k savings which she says will be split between the three of us. My view is that’s her retirement money and she will (and should!) spend it.

It’s her right to do what she wants with her money. I’ve said I expect nothing from her but equally she can expect nothing from me going forward. She has previously relied on me to help her out - DIY around the house, driving her and my little sister around, taking my sister to and from uni at the time, taking in her cats when they got old and needed taking to the vets, I would previously do anything she asked (within reason).

Feels like she’s just using me and if she isn’t treating us fairly she can’t expect as much from me. Previously I had accepted that care in her old age would fall to me, eg driving her to appointments, helping her navigate things and get the right care. As little sister is really passive. She doesn’t cook, clean etc, no interest in learning to drive, or do anything really. I think if little sister isn’t planning to work and simply live off inheritance she should step up with our mum. She’s only 66 and has just retired but she’s been a heavy drinker for decades, only gave up smoking fairly recently, doesn’t exercise, so serious health issues may not be far away. She also can be quite a mean spirited person, not particularly friendly, and can be very rigid.

Feels like the big hearted thing for me to do is simply get over it, continue as I would had she hadn’t told me this, and deal with any resentment within myself as my issue to fix. I also feel quite rigid about this though and feel like I really cba anymore with either her or little sister. AIBU?

DM is 66 and a heavy drinker. OP has said related health problems aren’t far away. I doubt the LA would see it any other way.

If you're going to be angry with your DM, be equally angry with your DF for not fairly considering you in his will planning: why would step kids get anything!!!

Exactly

I would literally just leave them to it at this point. It’s getting you nowhere ruminating on it all. I have always had the belief that inheritance is owed to no one, but I understand how people feel hurt by what may seem the inequality. At the end of the day, it’s your mother’s decision (regardless of whether it’s a wise one in the long run), I’d be letting them get on with it and allow the consequences of their decisions to run their course.

As far as I know, OP isn't a doctor or a reliable clairvoyant, and nor are you. But who knows what's on the mum's medical records (and yes, I know the LA can access those).

I keep saying it because of personal experience. You have no idea how detailed the LA investigations into these things are until you experience them first hand. At 66 age would certainly be a consideration and as a heavy drinker for years she’s unlikely to be in the best of health. And let’s face it, the intention is to avoid care fees. If DM needed full time care within a few years of signing over the house the LA will investigate the circumstances and reasons for the transfer.

Because that's how it works, there are quite a few well documented cases of LAs clawing back assets given away 20 years before.

It can be viewed as deprivation of assets if there was no good reason to give the asset away and said asset was given or sold vastly below its market value.

LAs are not unreasonable, if parents sell a large house, buy a smaller one and make gifts to the children, they will accept that, but if they strip themselves of everything they have quite literally deprived themselves of those assets.

However, legally, if the mum still lives there she can't fully give it away, as she still has a beneficial interest, which in of itself gives the LA a way in to recover costs.

I sympathise op I am going through a similar situation dsis has been given tens of thousands over the years because she overspends and dm has bailed her out over and over again
Dsis has now gone nc with me and my dc and has manipulated and isolated my elderly dm and convinced her to change her will.

I am going round in circles with opg and social services

I understand it up to dm who she leaves her money to and it's not mine but it is hurtful that both dsis and dm have done this

I believe dm may have recently gone into a care home no idea if it's permanently or just respite care but part of me is hoping the local authorities do a financial assessment and can see the money dsis has been taking and the equity release mortgage she convinced dm to take out so she could get some of her inheritance early maybe someone will finally be done then

This.

I am. I’m really dejected about both of them.

LAs are not unreasonable, if parents sell a large house, buy a smaller one and make gifts to the children, they will accept that, but if they strip themselves of everything they have quite literally deprived themselves of those assets.

Sure, but in this case the mum has enough savings to cover more than two years in a home.

It seems as if your little sister has issues that are preventing her from living an independent life. Her failure of exams due to anxiety or possibly some other mental health issues, failure to drive, failure to launch and find a life of her own outside the family home are indicative of possible mental heath issues. I suspect that she doesn't have friends either. I also suspect that your mother wants to sign over half of the house to her so that she will have roof over her head and so that it can't be sold if your mother goes into care leaving your sister destitute. Your mother probably sees you and your older sister as independent adults who can look after yourselves.
As far as the money that your mother may or may not have left when she dies, it is better not to expect anything from anyone. No one owes you anything and wanting other people's money or assets will only make you angry and bitter.
Live your life and fend for yourself. If in the end, you get something, fine but do yourself a favour and move on with your life and be nice to your family while you have them. It seems like your mother and younger sister haven't had it easy in life.

If you loved your kids equally,you would give them equal inheritance. Anything else is really nasty.

Indeed, so they will use those first, or she can self fund, the issue would present if she went over the two years.

If she had a financial assessment and has given the hose to the daughter, the assessor just isn't going to overlook that.

Would you be ok if she left the house to you and your full sister and left all her savings that came from your half sisters death benefit to your half sister ?

I'm so sorry. I agree w/ PP that her alcoholism is coloring her judgement.

But the elder 2 haven’t been given a house. They have gone to work and earned enough to get a deposit and a mortgage to get a house. So they don’t ’own’ Their houses. They will be working for years to pay it off.

Their sister, who is choosing not to work and has already received funds the other 2 haven’t, will be gifted a fully paid off house. She won’t really have to ever work a day in her life. Even if it goes into trust she can just choose to never move and so her siblings never get the benefit.

how is that equity?

And if she survives beyond that she’ll be in difficulty because the LA will have assessed her as still owning the assets she gave away, and will most likely try to claw them back by placing a charge on the house.

This is a misconception, you do "own" the property with a mortgage - the mortgage provider are not listed as an owner - they simply have a charge notice on the title meaning if it is sold their loan gets paid off first, or if the mortgaged party defaults they have a security.

It is possible to have a mortgage secured on another asset/property from the one the loan has purchased, so long as there is security sufficient to cover the loan the lender is happy.

Unlikely, unless the LA can prove there was a reasonable need at the time the asset was given away that the person needed care in the future.

I’m so sorry OP. It’s @@&* not to leave whatever you have to your children in equal shares. Your mum’s sowing division between the three of you and will leave bad vibes behind her. Well actually she’s spreading them now. It sounds like you’re a great daughter to her too. Sadly your mum is not acting in a wise or thoughtful way.

She's been left the other half on the wool. She gets it all.

And yet again, if the mother is fit and well with no existing diagnoses that might lead to her needing care, it's not deprivation of assets.

I mean they don’t own it in as far as they have a loan on it which they will have to pay off for 30 years. If they lose their income- they lose their house. They are forced to keep working to keep a roof over their head

the sister is being gifted a fully paid off house- never has to worry the mortgage.

whilst they all have houses, the situation is far from equal

Sounds little sister has been/is being indulged and enabled just do nothing and it be ok. This is just a further example of probably a lifetime of being spoilt.
Ultimately your mum is helping wreck her life.
Because if she's not doing anything she will be getting depressed and not be able to afford life anyway.
I think most people would feel put out by what's happening but I agree with others, your mum needs to stop enabling her youngest.
And if she won't hear of it, take a big step back and let her and her youngest get on with it.

I absolutely do have the experience of dealing with the council in such situations. My mother left behind issues of epic proportions.

But:
2 What is deliberate deprivation of assets?
Deliberate deprivation of assets means you have intentionally decreased
your overall assets, in order to reduce how much you are required to pay
towards your needs for care and support.
The local authority must show that you knew you may need care and
support in the future when you carried out this action. It is therefore an
evidence-based test of both foreseeability and intention.

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/siteassets/documents/factsheets/fs40_deprivation_of_assets_in_social_care_fcs.pdf