Mum leaving us an unequal inheritance

[InWithPeaceOutWithStress]

I have two sisters, youngest is 25 and still living at home and not working. Failed her degree as got very anxious about one (or two, not sure) of her exams and didn’t sit it. Hasn’t worked or done anything since.

Mum leaving house to her as she sees it as being equally her house whereas me and other sibling have since moved out. Feels really unfair that she is gifted a free home for life whereas we are saddled with our mortgages. Have never received financial help from my parents as an adult, nothing toward house deposit. Mum also has £180k savings which she says will be split between the three of us. My view is that’s her retirement money and she will (and should!) spend it.

It’s her right to do what she wants with her money. I’ve said I expect nothing from her but equally she can expect nothing from me going forward. She has previously relied on me to help her out - DIY around the house, driving her and my little sister around, taking my sister to and from uni at the time, taking in her cats when they got old and needed taking to the vets, I would previously do anything she asked (within reason).

Feels like she’s just using me and if she isn’t treating us fairly she can’t expect as much from me. Previously I had accepted that care in her old age would fall to me, eg driving her to appointments, helping her navigate things and get the right care. As little sister is really passive. She doesn’t cook, clean etc, no interest in learning to drive, or do anything really. I think if little sister isn’t planning to work and simply live off inheritance she should step up with our mum. She’s only 66 and has just retired but she’s been a heavy drinker for decades, only gave up smoking fairly recently, doesn’t exercise, so serious health issues may not be far away. She also can be quite a mean spirited person, not particularly friendly, and can be very rigid.

Feels like the big hearted thing for me to do is simply get over it, continue as I would had she hadn’t told me this, and deal with any resentment within myself as my issue to fix. I also feel quite rigid about this though and feel like I really cba anymore with either her or little sister. AIBU?

No she is planning to sign half of it over to my sister now in a ploy to avoid having to sell it to pay care home fees in the future. Whether or not she does that, she is leaving the whole house to sis in her will.

I have done, thanks.

Yes, with intention for her to eventually inherit it?

Why do people keep saying this?

It's only deprivation of assets if, at the time of the transfer, there's reason to believe that the mother will need care. For instance a diagnosis of early Alzheimer's, or having had a stroke.
Transferring half of the home when she's a fit and healthy 66 year old with no significant risks, is unlikely to prompt a case for deprivation of assets.

I don’t see how I would be ending up in the same place it took me a decade to earn enough to buy a house. I have 28 years left on my mortgage, and an incredibly long way to go. My older sister didn’t get on the property ladder until she was 42.

Does your Mum intend to act on these decisions imminently, or is it just an idea?

Because it seems to me that so much could change in the next few years. By 30, your sister might be in a completely different place in life, she might have moved on from the family home. Your circumstances might have changed, your Mum's health might change, it can't be predicted. This decision about the house has been made based on the situation "now" and in that way it makes sense, because she's trying to safeguard someone who has no income and no independence right now. But in a few years, if circumstances change, her decision might also?

She’s had this will in place since little sister was a child. I didn’t take issue with it then. I’ve queried it recently as I genuinely thought she would intend to change it now sister is an adult. I was totally wrong.

You can’t possibly know whether your LA would accept this. Deprivation of assets rules are very clear and apply to all local authorities. If there is a reasonable expectation of the need for future care at the time the assets are disposed of then the rule applies. LA’s can investigate back as far as they want and they're ruthless - understandably so because signing over a property to a family member is a common route to avoid future care fees, so there is usually a significant amount of money involved. Age and state of health at the time are considered as well as the reason for disposing of assets. At 66 and with a history of heavy drinking (OP says significant health issues are on the horizon) l doubt there’s a LA in the country that wouldn’t deem this a clear case of trying to avoid care fees.

And unless mum survives daughter for more than seven years, IHT would still be payable on the gift.

Is your mother doing anything to push your sister towards getting help with her anxiety? She is living a very circumscribed life and thus won’t change unless she has input from skilled professionals. That should be the priority.
I thought your post was a bit transactional ( you don’t leave me a share of the house I don’t drive you to appointments). Having said that, I know the frustration of being the competent sibling to a child who never leaves home and the resentment towards all the parental attention and energy they garner whine you are expected to be the resilient one.

Also, @beAsensible1 it's very likely that OP won't see that £60k. If her mum needs care, that £180k will disappear in three years or so. In which case the older two sisters will get nothing, while the little sister gets a house.

Oh. That seems strange. Have you ever asked her why?

Agree v unfair

Maybe the mother has long understood younger sister’s vulnerability, or even harbours some guilt about it and is trying to compensate.

Then it’s looking like a whole heap of deprivation of assets. This sounds clever at the time, but rarely works out that way.

Little sister would get half the house. And the LA would likely view the gifting of it as deprivation of assets so mum would have to pay her own way while little sister is sitting pretty.

I think if that's the case, the local authority will put a charge on your mother's half of the house, so that when it does eventually get sold, they will reclaim their costs, plus possibly any interest.

Just been through this with a family member who thought they could outwit the LA. Suffice to say they couldn’t and it’s ended acrimoniously for all concerned.

No. I’ve been querying what she is doing to encourage her to do something (education, work, volunteering) but little sister refuses to talk about it and my mum doesn’t want to force a conversation. I’ve suggested a few times that she should access therapy and I talk about how I’ve found it useful but my mum scoffs at that.

If there is a reasonable expectation of the need for future care at the time the assets are disposed of then the rule applies.

Yes, but there isn’t in this case @Rosscameasdoody .

Do you by guys only do for you parents because of hopes of inheritance?? WTH is this mind set. I help my disabled uncle and have most of my life I don’t expect him to leave me his money.

do you not help parents who are poor or struggling? Do you not give more help or support to DC who need it more than the other ?

as someone said equity not equality. Selling the house out from under the child who lives in it so that the other two who already have house can get a 3rd when they’re already getting £60k liquid is bonkers.

just get her to put it in trust to your sister with stipulations that if/when she sells it she has to split the proceeds. With you 3.

Can you maybe advise her as to how bad this idea is ? The LA will almost certainly view this as deprivation of assets to avoid care fees and they’ll assess her as still having the property anyway. We’ve just been through this with a relative who tried the same thing. The LA were ruthless - they investigated everything back years and decided she had purposely tried to avoid the fees. She’s having to pay for her care as thouh she still owns what she signed away.

She just says it’s equally little sisters house as she has always lived there. Whereas I guess we left my family home when I was as a child and then she made it very clear when I graduated uni she wanted me working and out. It’s like my little sister has become her replacement spouse.

There is nothing to stop the younger sister from buying herself a house, like the OP and her older sister did. They weren't just given houses. They worked and saved money to pay for them.

No I don’t think I can. She doesn’t want to talk about this with me. If it’s a terrible idea hopefully a solicitor will advise her as presumably a solicitor would need to organise this.