Mum leaving us an unequal inheritance

[InWithPeaceOutWithStress]

I have two sisters, youngest is 25 and still living at home and not working. Failed her degree as got very anxious about one (or two, not sure) of her exams and didn’t sit it. Hasn’t worked or done anything since.

Mum leaving house to her as she sees it as being equally her house whereas me and other sibling have since moved out. Feels really unfair that she is gifted a free home for life whereas we are saddled with our mortgages. Have never received financial help from my parents as an adult, nothing toward house deposit. Mum also has £180k savings which she says will be split between the three of us. My view is that’s her retirement money and she will (and should!) spend it.

It’s her right to do what she wants with her money. I’ve said I expect nothing from her but equally she can expect nothing from me going forward. She has previously relied on me to help her out - DIY around the house, driving her and my little sister around, taking my sister to and from uni at the time, taking in her cats when they got old and needed taking to the vets, I would previously do anything she asked (within reason).

Feels like she’s just using me and if she isn’t treating us fairly she can’t expect as much from me. Previously I had accepted that care in her old age would fall to me, eg driving her to appointments, helping her navigate things and get the right care. As little sister is really passive. She doesn’t cook, clean etc, no interest in learning to drive, or do anything really. I think if little sister isn’t planning to work and simply live off inheritance she should step up with our mum. She’s only 66 and has just retired but she’s been a heavy drinker for decades, only gave up smoking fairly recently, doesn’t exercise, so serious health issues may not be far away. She also can be quite a mean spirited person, not particularly friendly, and can be very rigid.

Feels like the big hearted thing for me to do is simply get over it, continue as I would had she hadn’t told me this, and deal with any resentment within myself as my issue to fix. I also feel quite rigid about this though and feel like I really cba anymore with either her or little sister. AIBU?

If the OP and her other sister had also decided not to work and support themselves, presumably the younger sister would have to accept only getting a third of the house though.

Where's the link to this thread/post? I have look at OP's other threads and she doesn't say this in any of them.

Point out to your mother she is very vulnerable if your (d) sis gets involved with anyone & could lose the house in a divorce or separation

otherwise first post nails it : your younger sis can look after your mom! You have every right to feel hurt : you are being punished for taking responsibility for your own life

Toilichte

Whatever the logic, unequal inheritances always cause rifts. People can see a reason to justify it; it’s their house, they have more kids, they won the premium bonds I need to even things out. Fact is whatever the reason it sends some form of message, if people want to avoid hurt they need to leave things equally.

If anyone has more than one Child I totally get that they would look to whichever one is struggling or has less and would want to sort them out. Life isn’t equal, it’s not fair, people have different obstacles.

I don't disagree with you. Just seeing it from the mum's POV. Who clearly so far has allowed the situation to continue as it is for years and is unlikely to change things now.

In which case your little sister will be living with her and day to day care will default to her. I wouldn't worry. Maintain a level of contact and support that feels fair to you. Talk to your mum if you think it would help, about how unfair it seems for DSis to get a free house and never work, while you work and struggle with CoL and mortgage. She may not have thought it through. But if she is manipulative and plays favourites, I'd just gently back away and keep contact to a minimum. Make your own life, not dependent on her in any way.

The OP's sister's obstacle seems to be that she is bone idle.

Sorting her out would involve teaching her to stand on her own two feet.

Who is going to look after a lazy, incompetent 40 year old when her mother is dead?

I think the point the OP is making is that caring for her mother (and sister) has always defaulted to her because her sister is lazy and refuses to cook or learn to drive.

Will you or your sister be receiving something from your fathers side?

I feel for you. My late mum's house sale is just going through conveyancing and money will be split equally between me and my siblings. I can imagine it feels like you're not being rewarded for everything you do, whereas your mum sees youngest as needing the money the most.

Yes, unfair.
However it should mean sister steps up to plate whilst you distance yourself - however you can still give guidance to sister if she really needs it.

I have found the post that OP posted on another poster's thread where the OP was upset about not being invited on a family holiday. OP's post said:

My parents (divorced) have separately both taken my sister on holiday, paid for it, and I haven’t been invited or given an alternative cash sum or holiday. She’s always somehow been better at getting them to pay for / do things for her. Possibly they are simply closer. I’ve noticed it but I haven’t taken major offence or dwelled on it. It’s one of those things you have to just accept and move on with your own life.

She is just sharing her own experience and seems quite philosophical about it.

Thanks for clarifying. Agree, it’s sharing the experience rather than signalling resentment.

How is this relevant ? Little sister has already received an inheritance off her grandmother which she chooses to live off rather than working.

So OP feels hard done by by both her sisters?!

She’s also vulnerable in that the LA will almost certainly view it as deprivation of assets to avoid care fees should she need a care home. She’ll be assessed as though she still owned the property.

FFS chill out. Are you the sister?

You don't need to make it your life's work to discredit the OP. We can read. We got it. We'll form our own opinions. Thanks.

But as this poster pointed out, OP is philosophical rather than resentful.

Yes, but OP is being "philosophical" about treatment of her other sister that she finds unfair. Otherwise why mention it?

Yep. Agree. That particular quote from a previous thread seemed to be accepting of the situation rather than resentful. Once again posters putting their own spin on things to suit.

All children are not equal. They are individuals. The children are not all equal in this case.

Why does it make a difference ? And it was mentioned in a different thread, in answer to another OP, so not the same context.

Its always the advice on step-parent/ will threads that your money goes to your biological children and the partners money goes to their biological children. So your mum has three daughters her house should be split into 3, I agree with you on that. But if the savings are mainly from life insurance payout from the father, that should go to his biological child, your sister.

I have a very healthy life insurance policy. If I died I hope my partner would move on and find happiness but I would only want the money from my insurance payout to go towards my biological children.

We don't know the values but you agree your sister should be in line for 1/3 of the house and is being gifted the other 2/3 that you take issue with. How much is the 2/3 worth vs the amount of life insurance from her father.

Also, is your father still alive? Will you inherit from him? If so, she is disadvantaged if your mum splits it exactly three ways so you inherit from your father but she doesn't inherit from hers.

We are going to have to agree to disagree. My sibling and I are 100% equal in my parent’s eyes and I will be the same with my children. I don’t care if one becomes a millionaire and the other doesn’t- both will get the same.

If we’re talking biology, little sister has anlready inherited from a biological grandmother that OP and older sister don’t share. If the logic here is that the proceeds of the life insurance policy are rightfully little sisters’ alone by biology, then why is she entitled to any share of the house if her biological father had no input into it ?