To find days off with my kids almost unbearable?

[saynn]

Which is horrible but hear me out. They are 4 (5 in October, start school then) and 1 (2 in August.) I have Wednesdays and Thursdays off with them. And I hate it.

I know it’s horrible but it’s the way it’s just impossible to get anything done at all without someone wanting something, whining, falling out, demanding something. I know I need to lower standards but I do find it hard when there’s a mess or something and plus we do need to eat!

I do take them out as much as I can but even that’s getting to be hard work as one is a very slow walker and the other a very speedy runner.

I’m desperately counting the days until my older child starts school as both of them together just about finishes me off.

It’s quite normal, and the passive aggressive ‘😂’ doesn’t change the fact it’s quite normal.

I hate being at home by myself with both kids…. They’re at school and I work f/t then DH is usually home with us, thank goodness!

individually I love time with them, all 4 of us is fine. But me and kids? Bloody awful 😭

down to vastly different needs and absolutely relentless bickering. Insufferable!

I feel your pain, it’s not always enjoyable.

I haven't read all the replies, but YANBU.

Two together is Such. Hard. Work. It is for me, anyway. I think it probably depends on the children and their ages. But try not to let people get to you if they're being dismissive about it. They've probably forgotten or they had easygoing kids.

What's the age gap? There are 3.5 years between my two. But DC1 was born in March, DC2 born in September, so DC1 started school aged 4.5 when DC2 turned 1. DC2's first year wasn't too bad because DC1 was at nursery 3 days a week and the days with both of them were somehow manageable, I can't remember how or why, but DC2 was a relatively easy baby. However, as she got older it was definitely harder work to manage them both and now we struggle a lot during the school holidays when they're both with us. They are 8 and 4 now. DC2 is due to start school in September like your oldest. I'm finding this period with DC2 very difficult tbh because she is so ready for school. She will be nearly 5 when she starts. As you say, she's outgrown most of the toddler/preschool groups now. Luckily there is one we go to that's ok and there are some other 4yos there (also due to start school).

Hang on in there. It will get easier, I promise, though that doesn't help you now, it should give you some hope!

This does make me slightly fearful as I thought it might get better when they are both school age. It’s horrible but I have sometimes felt like I would have been better with just one. But then I love them both so which one wouldn’t I have!? It’s impossible.

@NameChange30 there’s two years and nine months but two school years as one is one of the oldest and the younger one will be one of the youngest when she starts.

He is definitely ready for school and I do feel guilty that I’m not able to devote more time, both to doing activities that will be harder when he starts school (or at least busier) and to things like reading and jigsaws that are good for his development.

An example, one of his favourite books is Zog and I really want to go to the zog experience at Warwick castle, I know he’d love it. But the toddler would be very difficult and someone ultimately will struggle somewhere. A small thing really but there’s so much stuff like that I want to do but can’t!

This seems to be a common problem with parents who work part time.

You’re not with the kids long enough to get into a routine and because you work you need to use those off days to do chores.

I honestly think the solution (if you can afford it) is to be a SAHP for a while. In many ways it’s easier because you get into a groove, you all get used to each other and your expectations of what you get done in a day are lower.

Obviously not financially viable for some.

I remember feeling exactly the same @saynn - my dd1 was carried around an Italian beauty spot screaming by my dh and had to go around alone..:but you know, it’s the only time I ever got to go there.

my point is, I get it, something will go wrong, but if the Zog thing is really important, make the effort, take photos and eventually you may forget about the screaming.

my dd loved room on the broom…

Dear heavens. I never use the expression sickly sweet but this one is absolutely it. Spoken as the parent of a now 9 and 5 year old

I will go but the effort involved will mean I’m probably too traumatised to do the other things I know he’d enjoy!

Of course we can still go in school holidays but it’s much busier (and more expensive) then.

You were lucky to have a long sleeper, what are you complaining about? 😂
You are the one moaning about having children when you only have them a couple of days a week, and they sleep a lot.

Honestly, this is a wind up surely?

I don’t think I am the one on a wind up. Since the start to the thread you’ve been twisting what’s been said and it’s not only me who has become irritated with it.

No one minds an alternative point of view, but when people are just twisting things to make others reply and say ‘well actually’ so they can keep on and on arguing it’s pointless and tedious. That isn’t having a discussion, it’s just a petty squabble.

So no one is allowed to struggle unless they have poor sleepers? You can have good sleepers and still find some other things difficult.

I should also say (as someone who has the exact same age gap as you), the more you are at home the less demanding they are.

Think about it: they’re only having you to themselves two days a week. So they’re likely to compete for your attention and play up a lot more.

That’s why, counter-intuitively. the solution isn’t to spend less time with them but more.

It’s hard balancing the needs of those 2 ages but I promise it will get easier. The older one starting school will be a game changer. Hang in there!

You are the one making a thread asking if YABU to find days with your kids "Unbearable" your word

This is a public forum, yes I think YAB massively U to find it "unbearable" in the circumstances you explained.

When posters suggested things you could do that could help, you rudely told them you didn't want advice, just people to agree that everything is a negative.
So I am saying YABU.

I also said YABU to the poster complaining that if she didn't watch her toddler, he would reach for the bleach. Instead of you know.. putting the bleach away where he couldn't reach?

It's bizarre to be irritated because posters (not even me) point out things that make your own life harder than it needs be.

I’m actually dropping another day at work next year but I don’t mind as I do genuinely enjoy them individually! It’s the combination I find too much.

Thank you for making this post!

just spent the afternoon waiting in for a washing machine with my 4 and 1 year old... they squabble and whine the whole time.

managed to do some baking this evening but now my husband has come home complaining about the mess in the kitchen from the baking...

I have gone out with the dog.. had enough of today :(

She said almost and said she was simply venting.

Where was she rude? If some could bother to read her posts, she wouldn’t have to repeat herself.

Tbf, you’ve been quite rude to any poster who says they find it hard too because it was seemingly easy or simple for you when you don’t have the same children or know their circumstances.

Some people are just argumentative.

I honestly think a great deal is about your (one’s) expectations and doing planning.

When DC3 was 6 months old, DP’s employer told him he had been assigned to a project 240 miles away for 18 months. He had never had to be away more than one night a month before that.

I had a 6yo with autism, 3yo with ADHD and small baby. Quite frankly, I let standards of housekeeping drop like a stone, easiest meals I could Chuck together one handed and had DC3 in a sling until she was too big to need a buggy.

Almost every task was a “game” the children played because it wouldn’t happen otherwise. Taking turns choosing the song we would race to clean up before the end of, “World Championships” of hopping competitions or star jumps or whatever while I cooked the food, Being A Restaurant in which getting to lay the table was a treat (I learned that from reading Tom Sawyer).

I know it’s draining and you can’t meet everyone’s needs all the time, but as long as everyone gets a bit of something they like, it’s not as bad as all that.

They’re adults now and still think we played great games when they were small. The middle one twigged this year that most of the “games” were just ways for me to cope.

It isn't rude to say that you don't need advice about activities etc when it isn't finding activities to do that is the issue. Neither is it rude to say that you already have a routine or that toddler group no longer really works when you have a 4 year old ready to start school.

Why don't you take a day off (annual leave), take elder child out of nursery for the day and take him to the Zog thing on his own? While younger is at nursery/in childcare?

Or, if you have grandparents who are involved, or a reliable babysitter, utilise them? Or take grandparents with you to entertain younger?

Do it like a special one on one day before he starts nursery.

Its absolutely acceptable, and good for the kids, to have some one on one time.

Do you know what, you're right. One child sleeping for an hour a day is a LOT (🙄) and absolutely means that the remaining hours in the day can't be hard work when you have two children who have vastly different needs.

People feel differently to you in all scenarios. Try and open your mind and see that.

I found it no problem at all when DD dropped her nap. From how jealous you sound of OPs sleeper, I imagine you would have quite liked one who slept more and found it tiring when they didn't sleep well. Shall I tell you that's ridiculous?

Why don't you go at the weekend or one day when your partner has a day off so you can all go?

Surely it's 4 days a week if OP has weekends off also