To find days off with my kids almost unbearable?

[saynn]

Which is horrible but hear me out. They are 4 (5 in October, start school then) and 1 (2 in August.) I have Wednesdays and Thursdays off with them. And I hate it.

I know it’s horrible but it’s the way it’s just impossible to get anything done at all without someone wanting something, whining, falling out, demanding something. I know I need to lower standards but I do find it hard when there’s a mess or something and plus we do need to eat!

I do take them out as much as I can but even that’s getting to be hard work as one is a very slow walker and the other a very speedy runner.

I’m desperately counting the days until my older child starts school as both of them together just about finishes me off.

Actually yes this - much better!

And whining is international! All kids from all backgrounds and cultures have perfected that sound. Went swimming a while back and there were a couple of little Polish girls in the changing room speaking Polish but with that tone to their voices while talking to their mum

I’m a teacher and don’t get annual leave - or I would!

So put little one in childcare or take her to grandparents on one of your non working days, just once (it won't hurt her, promise) and take him on his own.

It'll be lovely for little one to have some one on one with grandparents or to have an "adventure" in nursery on a different day and it'll be lovely for eldest to have mummy to himself for a day out.

It's win win.

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos - childcare is around £80 a day and I just don’t have that sort of money, and we don’t have grandparents. I realise you’re trying to be helpful and thank you but I’m just explaining how things are. I do know my own situation, finances and so on and if we had family support I’d use it but we don’t.

🙄

OP, I hear ya.

Could DH/DP take a day of AL to have little one?

I know you know your situation, but you sound like you're resigned to being unable to have any fun with your kids and sometimes you just need to find a way to do it, even if it means going outside of the norm.

I get it. I only have one but she's very strong willed and very smart and must be busy at all times so she's amazing but hard work and sometimes I would rather be at work. And that makes me feel guilty but it is what it is.

Find a way to have some fun with your eldest. Ask a friend to come with you and keep an eye on little one. Heck, ask me, DD is 3, she'd love Zog land, it's not far from us, I keep meaning to take her.

Possibly, but we’re focusing a bit on one small part of things. I’m just explaining I’m not a witch and I do love them both - but together is definitely a challenge!

My 1yo absolutely loved the Zog stuff at Warwick. They’re about to start a new play of it as well because they’re bringing out Zog and the flying doctors 😊

you sound like you're resigned to being unable to have any fun with your kids

In this past week alone, we’ve done forest playgroup, walked through woods, found baby frogs, been to two national trust properties and walked around and been to the play areas, been to the park many times, walked round the lake, fed some ponies some apples and watched bats in the garden.

I possibly sound a bit defensive but it can be frustrating when people catch you on a low moment and start making declarations that aren’t true. I make a huge effort but I do reserve the right to find it exhausting and often a bit stressful.

(And the jousting show is great too- kids were all mesmerised)

I’m sure she’d love it; it’s the nap that’s the tricky part!

I totally get that. I just think a bit of one on one might make your eldest feel special, and like a bit more of a grown up, and then he might be more understanding of you needing to sometimes do things more suited to his sister.

It's absolutely not the same thing, but we got a puppy (for DD, our old dog died and she missed having a dog, but adult dogs and puppies are very different kettles of fish) and DD started being naughty, because more attention was on the puppy. Started doing more "one on one" things and talking about how she's a big girl and she needs to help mummy with puppy. Worked wonders.

He isn’t being naughty (well, occasionally he is but nothing out of the ordinary!) and to be fair he will get some one to one time in the summer when DD is at nursery for two days a week.

@laesosalt

ignore this OP, it’s dismissive and minimising

@Cherrytree86 Nahhhhhhhhhh ☺️

@laesosalt

yeaaaaaaaah it is.

I really empathize..when mine were a baby and 3 and 1 and 4 I really feared my day off with both and always rewarded myself with a gin at the end of the day. At some point I noticed that I was often not having the gin as it hadn't been so stressful!

do you have any friends that are in a similar boat? I have Tuesdays and Fridays with my 3 and 1 year old and on Tuesdays theres a group of 5 of us that met during baby classes that meet up every week. it’s chaos but at least we’re together to help each other and the kids play! It is HARD I’m always completely done in after a day with them both!!

YANBU.. I think a lot of SAHP don’t enjoy 90% of it - because young children are sometimes a harder slog than being at work and it feels never ending. Even just one child can be hard in some ways - because they don’t have the distraction of a sibling for better or worse.

Imo you get through it by knowing you are doing it for your children’s sake (because afaik studies have shown a home environment rather than nursery is the best for most children under 3 and where they are happiest - except sometimes for children from deprived households); and for that 10% of times when your children do something new for the first time or experience something wonderful that you’d miss out on seeing if you had to be at work - that’s what keeps you going. That and knowing they’ll go to school in a few years 🤣

I’m not one to comment as I’ve always only ever worked full time but I wonder if it’s worse because you’re PT?? As in, you’re bouncing from work to Sahm and back to work again. I wonder if the kids are a bit over excited that you’re around each time weds rolls around and they’re possibly acting up

This is lovely. And I think "it isn't as bad as all that" could be a phrase to bear in mind when things are hard with small children.

What is your actual problem? At what point are you going to lay off the OP?

clearly op is having a tough time and reaching out to people to see if they have similar experiences, and instead of just moving on because you don’t, you are behaving like a child.

not everyone likes their children all of the time, it doesn’t mean they don’t love them. And OP is just having a tough time due to having two at home at once. Is there anything she can do about it..no probably not…but is it a crime for her to be feeling like it is difficult and she isn’t enjoying it, well no absolutely not.

@saynn you are doing what you can, and there are only a couple more months to go until it will be just two of you and things will ease up. In the meantime, I hope you manage ok and that if you think it is more than just being a bit stressed that you maybe speak to someone about it in case you’re having a bit of postpartum depression after the second one (fwiw it seems like you are having a totally normal bunch of feelings right now though)

I do all this whilst my youngest naps or he goes in his play pen. Can your eldest not be trusted to be in the living room for a moment whilst you do this stuff? Would a baby monitor help?

"we all knew what we were going for" genuine question, how did you know?? I certainly didn't.

My first is only 18mo, I'm about to have 2 under 2, the last year has been the hardest of my life, sure I'd seen other people's kids but not really the behind-closed-doors, bawling-my-eyes-out, absolutely-not-coping parts ... I even read some of these threads and I just don't think you can really compute what it would actually really be like until you've been there.

I certainly would have liked this crystal ball some people seem to have anyway ... or at least an instruction manual 😬