To be unsure what neurotypical is anymore

[rainingitspouring2]

So this is not to antagonise or offend and maybe it could be because I am on the spectrum myself (but this has never been implied) but I am starting to question what being neurotypical looks like these days.

On social media so many of my suggested reels, posts etc are about neurodivergence and also articles in the media etc. Celebs revealing they have adhd or dyslexia. I have to say a lot of it is relatable to some degree to most people (that I know anyway). I have 2 young DS and so many of their friends have potential ADHD/ASD according to their parents. Or I notice traits in kids but their parents have never said anything (but I would just think they were a neurotypical kid if I didn't have so much awareness now) Even some the parents at the school gate are saying they have some neurodivergence too. So I am finding myself noticing potential traits in almost every individual I have close contact with.
I know people say with neurodivergence 'birds of a feather flock together' perhaps that is the case but I'm just loosing sight of what a neurotypical and what isn't.
I'd almost find it helpful if we had traits of neurotypicals outlined explicitly to see whether we aligne with that or not. I am getting quite confused.
Does anyone else feel the same or AIBU? Again not meaning to offend just looking to discuss

Great question. I have pondered this many times. Again without want to cause any offence I am concerned we are very fast to ‘label’ things that would in the past, and the past was not always better, just have been characteristic traits. Will watch with interest.

From me I know what my strengths are and I know what my weaknesses are - but I do not seek out labels for either.

I suspect our current lifestyle and societal set up makes being ND harder/more noticeable.

When the world was a much simpler place, repetitive and predictable, far fewer choices, people probably found their niche and how to live with it more easily. Some would be adventurous and on the go, others would live quieter lives.

Now everyone has to multitask- you have to be able to sit still, do life admin, go to new places, mix with new people. Choose stuff constantly. Smells, noise, people… overwhelming.

YANBU

This whole area is an absolute minefield though so expect people to come at you for your post. The science in this area is still emerging and it is highly likely that our understanding will continue to evolve. At the moment there are very blurry lines between ND and NT and there are no definitive objective tests that can be run to diagnose someone with ADHD or ASD. It is highly subjective and it is totally possible that someone being assessed in a different clinic or even by a different assessor could receive a different diagnosis. Some clinics currently have a diagnosis rate running at 90% which is obscenely high.

There is also the issue that many of the traits of ND are the same traits that NT people can have. Again, the boundary between someone having string ND traits and someone actually being considered ND is a very ill defined one.

I agree with you. I'm undiagnosed but fairly certain I'm autistic and possibly ADHD but these things are so common now it feels like we're all different versions of something rather there being a clear distinction between ND and NT.

First of all I will say I probably do not have the right to talk about this and do not mean in anyway to offend anyone, prepared to be told I’m incorrect.

For me it’s a bit like anxiety - yes some people have anxiety from time to time, it’s normal to have worries, but if it affects your daily life and stops you being able to do your normal daily routine without struggles, you most likely do not have anxiety disorder that requires treatment and extra care.

So whilst it’s possible for most people to have a few traits of ADHD, or ASD.. unless you live with this day in day out and it affects the way you every single day (or most days) then you most likely do not need to be diagnosed.

i must admit, whenever I see a social media post about something one does with ADHD, I’m thinking ‘surely EVERYONE does that.’

recent examples are ‘having an agenda when you go for a walk with a friend’ - surely standard? Or a particular song that’s stuck in your head. Again - everyone?

I think a lot of SM content and advertising is just a way for people to monetise the confusion around this stuff- “do you ever feel overwhelmed? Have difficulty finishing something you started? Sign up for our quiz and £10/month app!”

Apparently losing your keys is a sign you’re nd… there are people who don’t lose their keys?

The list of perfectly normal behaviours that are attributed to nd undermines and diminishes the challenges nd people face imo.

@Imrighthere good point about anxiety. I do find myself wanting to question ‘oh I have got anxiety’. We all experience anxiety at some point but most likely on a sliding scale, much like any emotion. I had a really anxious day on Sunday but yesterday felt fine.

I have OCD / anxiety disorder and most people say things like I’m a bit like that sometimes! Or don’t we all have them thoughts every so often?

For me, unless you deal with the symptoms almost daily if not daily and it affects your life you most likely do not have it.

That doesn’t mean some days can be better than others, if it affects you to some extent on a regular basis then definitely reach out for support x

Unfortunately what seems to have happened is that there are now labels for behaviours which are perhaps a bit different to others, and these labels are automatically assumed to entitle said person to provisions that are different to others.

It's one of the reasons the school system is not coping, because trying to micromanage the school day to cater for the 17,000 different 'quirks' our children present, is nigh on impossible.

growing up, my mother is the most intelligent person I've ever met but had 0 social skills. I didn't understand until much later in life, after my daughters have been diagnosed with ASD That my mother is not neurotypical. I didn't realise my daughters behaviour was not 'normal ' as it was my normal. School have pointed out that she has autism and needs help. I was on two minds as I didn't want to label her, but without it she gets no help, no leeway for her behaviour issues. My mum was so horrifcally bullied for not fitting in, she ended up severely depressed and then had electric shock therapy. I'm pleased at how far we have all come and more is being recognised.

I rarely lose anything. But maybe that's because I'm OCD? Not a joke but I do sometimes wonder how or why other people differently to me.
In my view, we're all unique but 'fit' to one extent or another on different spectra.

Exactly. I have never questioned my life experience as being down to anything but my own personal journey in which my positive or negative personality traits have resulted in certain outcomes in my life.
When I watch these reels I'm like 'ok yes I do that' like 'enjoying one on one conversations over a big group night dynamics' or 'thinking about what you're going to say before you call someone' but then I think hold on doesn't everyone?! Or at least most introverts. It's almost like extroversion equals ADHD now and introversion equals ASD.
Recently someone I know said 'lets just presume we're all neurodivergent and the neurotypicals are the minority'. It really got me thinking. But like someone here has said it's all become to vague and blurred.
I also have a friend who has a young DS and every aspect of his perceived negative behaviour is 'because he has SEN' but there is no diagnosis and his mum said she doesn't intend to get him assessed as she 'doesn't want a label's even though she labels him herself.

It minimizes people who do actually have ND, because the way we're going, every man and his dog is on the bloody spectrum

Quite. A bit like what happened with mental health. Being depressed when your ASOS order doesn't arrive on time and you have nothing to wear for a night out so you're 'feeling depressed' as opposed to people on mental health wards struggling to make it through the next hour

I work full time and have 3 dc… to be fair, most times I “lose” my keys I find them in dh’s pocket!

dh’s brain works very differently to mine. I don’t think either of us are nd but still very different. I’m pretty sure my brother is autistic but very intelligent (academically) so it was never tested. I have a number of academic nd friends and I wonder if it’s because I’m used to my brother over the years it’s familiar to me.

I really feel this. I now know that throughout my life soooo many of my personality traits were glaringly obvious ADHD, but for a long time I was high functioning and successful because I found a way to utilise the ADHD strengths to balance out the lows/difficulties, and had a lot of coping mechanisms and systems in place to keep my head above water and actually really thrive in a lot of areas. Then I had a baby and when I returned to work as working parent, BAM! That pace of life, level of responsibility, incessant over stimulation, requirement to multi task, lack of rest… it absolutely derailed me. My ADHD symptoms just went wild.
Btw, obviously not saying that neurotypical parents don’t struggle for the same reasons, just saying that for me specifically it was the exacerbated ADHD traits that floored me (and I also didn’t realise I had ADHD at the time so couldn’t get my head around what was happening to me and why I couldn’t just get it together!).

I’ve personally find the ADHD label to be a useful one, not because I’ve requested any external accommodations, but because ADHD resources and information has armed me with so much understanding, tools and self-compassion.
That being said, and on the OP’s original point, I’m not sure “neurotypical” is really an accurate term because it seems to just be one of several brain types and personality traits, and not necessarily the dominant one. I think in order for all “brain types” to thrive, in an ideal world society would move away from this concept of a binary neurotypical/neurodiverse, and we’d have a variation of schooling systems and exam systems and work systems that cater to the different brain types’ different strengths. Can’t see that ever happening though!

I agree, OP. I see descriptions of ND all the time and think, that's me! (undiagnosed). Likewise, not wishing to antagonise or diminish - but I sometimes feel that people who are given the label of ADHD etc have in some respects a sense of acceptance or accommodation that NT people who still struggle with similar anxieties/ feelings do not have. What is the answer?

I know what you mean with so many people identifying with specific personality traits nowadays, but as the parent of a neuro-diverse child who struggles with school I would say there definitely is a difference between neuro-diverse and neuro-typical people. If my child was neuro-typical I'd be having a very different parenting experience. Not that I'd change him for the world but I have an extra layer of worry for him that I feel other parents don't have for thier children.

I believe that categorisation of 'neurotypical' and 'neurodiverse' will be very different in a decades time because I can't see that a whole 10% of the population can be considered to be especially atypical. A less common expression perhaps but not uncommon.

I have also wondered whether I may or may not be ND. I wouldn't have thought it a few years ago but between more awareness/understanding and a bigger mental demand which removes the buffer for masking and recovery behaviours the information pushed online resonates a lot.

Diagnosis is really hard though. Does it have to severely impact someone on a daily basis to be true? Does someone managing themselves or their environment well (with a profile which allows this) mean that they are not deserving of a diagnosis? Or perhaps will 'diagnosis' be adapted (in this decades time) to only be considered if it is at a 'clinical level'? In which case thinking would need to be accepted that people can change from non clinical to clinical and sometimes back again.

‘Having anxiety’ as opposed to ‘feeling anxious’ is doing untold damage to teenage girls atm. They are actively telling themselves that they can’t cope with stressful situations because they have a ‘condition’, instead of them learning resilience and accepting challenging circumstances.

You are absolutely right. There are lots of people that believe that the priority should be on the fact that NT people must accommodate ND people no matter what. There is very little acceptance that so called NT people can have struggles themselves and traits that actually impact them far more than some ND people. The world isn't black and white but very very grey.

There was a thread a few months ago where a father insisted on absolute silence around the dinner table and wouldn't allow his young children to talk. Lots of posters supported the father because he was ND. They genuinely believed the father's rights trumped the rights of the young children to behave in an age appropriate manner. These children may well also have been ND but nobody had assessed them so we're assumed NT and therefore should give way to the father's needs. I honestly found the whole scenario abusive and completely traumatic for the children

I think we will move away from language like ‘typical’.

I think the variety of neurotypes is so great that typical no longer is.

There are people who thrive in a grad school set up and people who don’t. People who hyperfixate on detail and people who excel in bigger picture tasks.

I don’t know about my NT/ND status- there’s enough in my family and friendship groups to make it unsurprising. I have struggled in various ways.
I realised at the grand old age of 56 that I ‘have anxiety’. I had no idea. I over plan, fret, deploy systems… not because I like to be organised and well prepared as I thought but because I’m anxious. I thought my stress levels were about other people failing to plan ahead.

Well, no not everyone loses their keys frequently no.

Some lose them a lot - maybe ADHD
Some never lose them - they got in a certain place every time, religiously. Maybe more of an autistic approach.

Lots are somewhere in the middle and occasionally misplaced them - more neurotypical.