To be unsure what neurotypical is anymore

[rainingitspouring2]

So this is not to antagonise or offend and maybe it could be because I am on the spectrum myself (but this has never been implied) but I am starting to question what being neurotypical looks like these days.

On social media so many of my suggested reels, posts etc are about neurodivergence and also articles in the media etc. Celebs revealing they have adhd or dyslexia. I have to say a lot of it is relatable to some degree to most people (that I know anyway). I have 2 young DS and so many of their friends have potential ADHD/ASD according to their parents. Or I notice traits in kids but their parents have never said anything (but I would just think they were a neurotypical kid if I didn't have so much awareness now) Even some the parents at the school gate are saying they have some neurodivergence too. So I am finding myself noticing potential traits in almost every individual I have close contact with.
I know people say with neurodivergence 'birds of a feather flock together' perhaps that is the case but I'm just loosing sight of what a neurotypical and what isn't.
I'd almost find it helpful if we had traits of neurotypicals outlined explicitly to see whether we aligne with that or not. I am getting quite confused.
Does anyone else feel the same or AIBU? Again not meaning to offend just looking to discuss

I always found the claims that ADHD is the most easily treatable condition (we were told this during training) peculiar, especially considering the rapid increase in diagnoses and prescriptions.

Re autism it has been massively under diagnosed in women and girls due to ignorance in female presentation and a male focused diagnosis procedure. Professionals are better informed now.

Re ADHD to quote the BBC article.

The review, led by King's College London, looked at 40 studies in 17 countries and found no clear evidence rates of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) had risen since 2020, despite reported rises in diagnoses and longer waits for assessment.

Lead researcher Dr Alex Martin said it was likely to be a case of under-diagnosis of the condition in the first place.
"ADHD prevalence in adults and children has remained largely stable since 2020," she added.
In the UK, around 3 to 4% of adults and around 5% of children and young people are thought to have ADHD. Experts believe there are similar rates in other countries but only a fraction of these have been diagnosed.

My DH has recently diagnosed autism, OCD and anxiety disorder. I'm finding it interesting because I'm a classic awkward scientist, so we share a lot of personality traits. However, I think I'm NT rather than ND because in general I can control or mask those traits and get myself out of holes. He can't. If I'm in a poorly suited environment for a long time (like a bad job) I start looking much more ND because I reach my coping limit, but there are more situations where I'm comfortable than uncomfortable. I think everyone has situations that are a bad fit for their personality. A NT extrovert who needs clear boundaries and structure would look v ADHD in an unsupervised lone-wolf science job!

I think we're pathologising personalities. Being an introvert is now getting medicalised.

I am ND as is my whole immediate family, one immediate and one wider family quite severely in that they can't live normal lives and need a lot of support. One of my kids is ND. One seems NT now and is not like her sibling but time will tell.

DH and most of my friends are NT. This is from the outside and I've often tried to copy these things. I would say they fit in well, some are introverts but never seem to say the wrong thing and strike up conversation so easily and listen well. They always had friends at school. They seem to quickly belong, behave the expected way and make friends wherever they are and don't have constant doubts. They like a lot of the same things their peers do and if they do have different interests they are never very surprising ones and they don't usually have encyclopedic knowledge of or obsess over those interests. They don't seem to have big strengths or big weaknesses, they are more even. They cope with things well and aren't over stimulated or irritated by mildly bright lights, background noise or seams on clothing.

@Thursst0n if you go to the King's College website, the actual quote from Dr Collins is more nuanced than reported by the BBC:

"The best data we have suggests that there has been no meaningful increase in ADHD prevalence, but most of the research is too biased to draw conclusions from."
Dr Alex Martin, Lecturer in Psychology at King’s IoPPN and the study’s first author.

They go on to say:
“What we cannot account for, which is perhaps the biggest outstanding question, is why there has been an unprecedented increase in the number of people seeking help for ADHD.”

Meanwhile, the BMJ report an 18% increase in medication prescribed for ADHD between 2019 and 2024.

You could also say that autism was massively underdiagnosed since it was first identified as an ND, not just in females.

I guess my point is, if all ND is underdiagnosed then are the majority of the population ND in some way?

Hardly. Only 1 in 100 are diagnosed with autism. If that was to increase to account for women getting better diagnosed and considering the 50/50 male / female population split even doubling it would in no way at all make the majority of the population ND.

@Thursst0n but all ND diagnostic categories are increasing, not just autism and ADHD. If 1 in 100 are now diagnosed with autism, how many now have Language Disorder, learning disability, dyspraxia, dyslexia, dyscalculia and tic disorders (including Tourette’s)? You've said that the ND diagnoses are still behind as well, so do you not think that it is possible that we will end up with more people being ND than NT? In which case you could say that it is actually normal to be ND.

When you get a diagnosis, you don't get a classification. At least not in England. We got DCs diagnosis about a month ago so I'm pretty up to date.

DC struggles because she doesn't relate to the other ASD kids in her class who all present differently. In her class of 25, 6 or 7 have diagnosis of ASD. They range from her at one end of the spectrum (what would have been Asperger's) to those who are non verbal and who need one on one.

Don't assume however that it's easy having a child at one end of the spectrum over another. Each is challenging in its own way.

Maybe amongst the general population but did you see the stats released this week that show 20 or 25% of young people are.

Care to link?

By "stats" do you mean "bullshit claims by RFK Jr"?

The actual number is more like 1%.

@CheekyBeaker @Thursst0n
No. I mean data published by the UK Government about the number of children in schools getting SEN support and referenced in a BBC article.

The link won't work for some reason but the article is called "Record 1 in 5 pupils in England getting special education needs support"

I'm sure you can find on Google. Published 12 June 2025.

Um you do realise many getting SEN support won’t be ND and support can range from extra phonics and reading help to an EHCP.

I think of neuro-processing function the same way I think of height.

Everyone has height. I am 5ft 2 which is shorter than average. Therefore public transport, supermarket shelves etc are challenging for me and sometimes I need some help. It can be really really frustrating sometimes and I definitely have had periods of short person syndrome.

But even though I am little, I would not call myself a Little Person. I do not have anywhere near the issues that some who has achondroplasia.

I think “neurodiversity” is a bullshit term. Everyone is neurodiverse. I also think that because we are so academically focused it makes people very anxious at school if they can’t do something that other people find easy in class.

Actually real life is nothing like academia. No one cares what you get even in a degree, no one even asks me what my MSc is on they only care about my experience.

I want to tell Gen Z that they are going to be OK, but they are not as helpless as the academic system + social media has made them feel.

Wow so you’re dismissing a disability as being a bit short.

Trust me what my family are having to deal with is not akin to being a bit short. 🤔

She’s not saying that.

Why do people do that? Purposefully (or perhaps its lack of cognitive ability?) take something someone had said and completely miss the point. She is saying that she has things that she finds difficult because life is not adapted to people quite so short, but she wouldn’t class herself as having a ‘short person’ condition. The same way that a person might have traits of ADHD or autism, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they have the condition.

Read “The Age Of Diagnosis”. Changed the way I thought about this

Have you read the report or the article? It specifically refers to the increase as a result of the increase in ND diagnosis in young girls who were previously missed.

I'm ND. I wasn't diagnosed as a child.

My DC is also ND. She IS diagnosed. She would have slipped through the net in the 1980s and 1990s. For sure.

I've done OK. Once you graduate, like a PP says, you can control your own sphere. And build in control measures to help. However, imagine if all the kids in the 1980s and 1990s hadn't had to take the harder route and start later once they had more automony and we had a system which allowed them to flourish with their contemporaries.

There are some INSANE minds in the ND community and think what we could achieve.

She's saying the opposite. That while there are a few overlaps there is a fundamental difference between the poster and those who have the condition.

I had a training session on Psychological Safety at work the other day and a colleague said “I have autism so I find [XYZ] hard” and it’s something I see online too, often on MN and on Reddit.

I find that specific thing my colleague mentioned difficult too - it’s not a specifically neurodiverse thing. And it makes me think, does she find it more difficult than me, or does she find it harder to handle because she’s autistic? Perhaps I find it more difficult but I’m more able to control it? OR am I actually autistic too and I’m just good at masking?!

I do also think “I’m autistic so I find..” is being said more commonly now because 1- it’s more acceptable and 2- more people are being diagnosed later in life and so now have a reason for why they think/act a certain way, whereas before maybe they felt like an outsider or weird because of it.

“I think “neurodiversity” is a bullshit term. Everyone is neurodiverse.”

😳I think you misunderstand the definitions there.

Take your height example. Yes we are all different heights. Yes some shorter may struggle and some very tall may struggle for different reasons….but all will see what the issues are, be aware of the height problems and the problems that come with it…..Yes they get angry, frustrated, sad but its intermittent…Those are the neurotypical….The neurodiverse will be the short people from gullivers travels and the tall giants from BFG living in a neurotypical “height world”….Its not built for us, we are in a constant state of emotional deregulation trying to figure it out, we try but we just dont fit in, we fall in to things or get completely lost and overwhelmed! Constantly. From birth. However, we also see things different. We have a different view that neurotypical do not see. Its the same world but the views and experiences are very different.

Thats our world, you think whatever you want, in your world - it does not make our world any different. May be try and view it that way.

I take - very gently - issue with a couple of things you say. With the greatest respect, ND is not some magic super power that just requires the right unlocking. It affects some profoundly and others moderately. Those impacted moderately may not know and/or may need no intervention to help them live day to day. Where that is the case is a diagnosis useful and/or a good use of resources?

You may feel that if you had been diagnosed sooner you would have had a more successful life. But some version of that is the same for everyone. It can’t be the job of the state to seek to elevate every functional, self sufficient person to the best version of themselves. You seem to suggest society would benefit from the “INSANE” minds of the ND, and that might be true but what makes you think that these qualities are unique to the ND? Plenty of NT have “INSANE” minds.

As far as I know I am NT. I know that there are things I find hard that if I had support with I could do better at and do better generally. But I’m functional. So that’s my problem and I’m failing to see any greater justification for intervening with functional ND people than functional NT people

“Those impacted moderately may not know and/or may need no intervention to help them live day to day.”

woah! Thats not ND at all!! The “moderate” levels are simply those that are high functioning, high functioning in ND terms is still a huge daily stumbling block. Im high functioning but its a nightmare yet you would consider me, “moderate”….The severity then plunges most notably when we speak of Autism. Its true that some people may not realise they have something, like me for years and many others, they will spend every day wondering why people get angry with them, people make fun of them, people think they are “weird” all their lives having this….until either you have an opportunity to get a mental health assessment as I did (or a series over months) or you turn to addiction, usually alcohol as a coping mechanism or even worse, you try and take your own life.

Im massively concerned at the level of sheer oblivion there is on mumsnet to what neurodiversity is! It’s like going back 25 years!

This is how I feel about my child’s diagnosis. They have one significant autism trait and school really can’t get their heads round it, which has caused trauma to my child. On the tick box questionnaires mine and school’s responses were polar opposite except this one issue. With the exception of this one trait, all their other supposed difficulties/issues are only seen at school, not across many environments as I understand should be the case. And in any case, they’ve only questioned two environments.

Someone has mentioned about diagnosis rates within clinics, but the diagnosis did make me wonder whether the assessors had targets to hit!

I agreed to the assessment as I naively assumed it would lead to support for their issue. But no. There’s nothing.

It has also led to some ND adults making stereotypical assumptions about my child purely on the grounds of their diagnosis. Which I really find quite bizarre.